Me

The worst part about my birthday is that I never know if it’s real.

When all you have is a note pinned to your clothes… or so they say… who can say what really happened on a day you’ll never remember no matter how hard you try.

Was it today? Was it yesterday? Is it another day?

I guess we’ll never know as we grow old. But somewhere along the way, during those nights of drinks and cigarette butts, we have to find a peace inside. A voice that says we are ok with not knowing our past and we can adopt the future instead.

That’s the life of an adoptee sometimes. And each birthday it never gets easier. As we grow older, it actually gets harder sometimes.

-OM

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Personal

Sometimes good things come to those that believe. But even more than belief, when we set our actions upon the backs of our hearts and strive to make our dreams come true we can accomplish anything. Through the struggle we learn to appreciate why we struggle and life becomes that more important.

Then we truly live.

-OM

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Hello my darkness

Hello my darkness it’s me again.

Awaiting warmth and deeper sin.

Goodbye light, you were too bright.

I’ll replace you now with fading sight.

Because missing you more this way.

Makes it easier not to stay.

Hello the darkness it’s been awhile.

Depression linked like perfect tile.

My old friend where have you been?

My old enemy, I cannot win.

-OM

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Arizona

Fun fact: Cactuses, while colorful decorative vegetation, make horrible barriers for basketball courts.

If your basketball happens to bounce and land into one it will pop and force you to buy a brand new ball.

-OM

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is incredibly hard for me each year. As an adoptee, we try to find solace in what we have and not what we’ve lost. But it doesn’t matter if you are ten years old or forty, a part of you aches for the past you never knew. A past that was stolen from you as you were forced on a new path that might never have had to be.

We smile as we walk forward and read inspirational quotes about not looking back. We try to appreciate the glow and warmth of the sun on our face and not the coldness of our forgotten past on our back. For the abandoned, for the given away, for the sold, for those that know… it is never easy to remember the sun even when it is in front of your face.

I get the struggle.

I live it with a glass in my hand on this day. But we’ll be ok because we have to be, as it has always been.

We make our own path.

Jason

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I could

I could count the rays of the sun, but why would I want to steal the light. Reminding myself of folding night, I look for the darkness from above. Considering the missing heartbeats between a thought, a glancing moment from the start. Trying to appreciate what moments are. From end to end, new beginnings and more.

-OM

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