Embarrassment

Nothing plants a memory more firmly in your head than a little embarrassment. Who doesn’t like a little shame or public humiliation in their life?

It was my junior year of college and things weren’t going well. I still hadn’t learned the trick on how to force yourself to go to class. There was something almost exciting about standing up and walking out of class early and having no one try to stop you. I loved it a little too much and think I began leaving class just to see if people noticed.

I grabbed my red Ralph Lauren jacket, my notebook, wallet and keys, and headed out my apartment door. I quickly jumped down the two steps leading to the parking lot where my baby, a green two door Honda Civic, was waiting. My car peeled out as I headed towards UT campus with Kanye’s High School Drop Out blaring in the wind. Knoxville flashed by me as I sped towards the part of campus where my history class was being held.

Finding parking was impossible back in 2003 and it took awhile to find somewhere my baby could wait while I went to give my oral report on Roman civilizations. I was ready and had been up all night preparing. Actually that was a lie, I was up all night… but I recall not much time was used for preparing and more time was spent doing other things.

I grew nervous thinking about giving that report in front of actual people. It also occurred to me that I had only been to class a few times and most of them would probably be wondering who the hell I was.

I did what you do anytime you grow nervous in college, even if it is 10 am before class…

I pulled out my trusty double barrel flask and emptied both reserves into my mouth. Instantly I started to feel really good about the speech and headed towards my class with my notes.

 

UTK is a large campus and my car was really far from the class. By the time I got to the classroom the whisky had worn off totally and I was starting to panic a little. I have a huge phobia of speaking in front of large people and having those people judge me. It is particularly more difficult when those people are supposed to be judging you, like for a grade for class, and you are now positive you don’t remember actually forming out a plan for what you will say on the… which Empire again?

As my foot crossed through the door into a packed classroom, holy shit how many people are in this class and where do I sit, I was positive this was about to be one of the worst experiences in my life. I knew a ton about the Roman Empire, but without a plan I was a sailboat with no wind.

You know how sometimes it feels like the world knows when you are down and still she decides to plant just one more foot into your rear for good measure?

“Jason Cushman you are first to present today… is Jason Cushman here?” a voice seemed to boom from nowhere.

Fuck me… I thought as I headed before all the waiting eyes that I was sure were wondering who I was.

Jason Cushman… who is this guy looks darted towards me as I made my way down the suddenly ridiculously long aisle to the front podium. I set my notes down and cleared my throat as I looked over the many faces in front of me.

“The Roman Empire was a great empire that had an intricate road system…” I began nervously.

I stopped.

I couldn’t think of anything else to say…

I had forgotten English.

The eyes in front of me turned from intrigued, to puzzled… to half amused and half baffled.

“… Thank You.” I suddenly said and then quickly walked back down the aisle to my seat and sat down. I pretended like everyone didn’t exist and what I had just done was perfectly normal even though I felt every eye in the room on me thinking what the fuck just happened?

I starred at my desk for a total of 56 and a half minutes until the class was over. I didn’t look at anyone once and waited for everyone to leave first. I was mortified, but I also was suddenly panicked about the sure F I had just received for a grade on my presentation.

I made my way to the front of the class to talk to the professor and I decided I deserved one time in life where I get to pretend to be totally foreign. I mean… I am adopted, I was technically born in Korea.

I lied and told him my English wasn’t very good and asked him if I could write a paper instead of giving an oral presentation. I’ll admit I may have acted a little and exaggerated my speech.

Long story short – he let me write a paper and I got an A. I suffered through some major embarrassment, but in the end lying helped me succeed.

And that’s the moral of this story today.

Jason C. Cushman

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust

44.1

Love

I never knew sorrow till I knew your name.

Never knew pain or needed to stay sane.

Now we live life against the grain…

They say this tugawar is love.

Forever war, is this still love?

It has to be as we make it last it seems.

We love.

-OM

@smokendust

44.1

Chandelier

I saw my life through a chandelier and realized no one was there.

It was as if I had awaken suddenly, alone on top of a hill.

The pretty lights, the flashing lights were all out of sight.

Fading like a failing vein, but everything was so bright.

Music gone. Where did it go, as silence falls like a storm.

I feel a pressure, around my heart. A feeling I can’t ignore.

Am I awake, or do I sleep. Am I really Me.

I say to myself as I feel above myself. A light turn on for me.

-OM

@smokendust

44.1

Offline

I uninstall my accounts from my phone every month. Then reinstall them a few days later! Hahahaha! -OM
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Unicorn Rhino

I’m soooo OVER social media!

Yes, I am included in the mass followers of social media. Yes, I have accounts in a few platforms. Yes, I spend abundant amounts of my time on them daily. No, I do not particularly find mindless scrolling on Facebook enjoyable or engaging. No, Snapchat is not then end all be all of comedy. Yes, Pinterest has some neat ideas. Instagram, meh. Well, that pretty much sums up my not so impressive social media forums. I mean, I did at one point have MySpace but I’m certain all of that is lost somewhere in cyberspace.

MySpace

Awe, MySpace! Such a fond memory. I think MySpace was the introductory social media platform for most people in my demographic group. Oh, the days of old! Ha. A space online for yourself! Fill it with who and what you want!

It was new, seemingly uncharted territory. Create a…

View original post 1,091 more words

Tagging

Some of you still aren’t tagging properly.

And you are using twenty or so tags, so I know you are trying.

15 tags total. If you place the post in a category that counts as a tag.

Use 13 tags and a cat to be safe. I was lazy and wrote cat instead of category.

You are all writing these beautiful posts and they are only posting to your personal reader stream when you over tag or don’t tag at all. You miss the general population.

That isn’t where the prisoners are in this case. That is where all the “random readers” come from that can learn to love your blog too!

Learn to tag properly.

This has been a public service announcement from HarsH ReaLiTy.

-OM

Example of some tags I use and sometimes reuse (note: you have to separate a tag with a ,)

blog, blogging, blogger, welcome, wordpress, writing, about, Denver, Colorado, harsh reality, life, love, women

Blogging

I don’t tie myself to any policy on post size. Most of what I post are bite size pieces of me. I love the freedom of being able to post whatever type of content I want on WordPress and restrictions on other sites frustrate me. That is probably why I only use WordPress as my primary platform for now.

I see you all sharing sides of yourself you may not share with the world. The courage to show the sides of you that you might not always be proud of.

Do we fear the spoken word more than the written?

Write and find out.

I do daily. To push ourselves and find ourselves at the same time. I put current and past thoughts to rest with the pressing of a key. It helps me to know that I’ve finally posted about that and can move on.

I tuck those thoughts away in categories only I can save. And each day I write another part of me that becomes this blog.

-OM

@smokendust

44.1