I’ve had many people I’ve called friend in my past. I have many close friends in my life. I don’t talk to many of them often and I don’t visit home that much.
I’ve run from demons in my past, the kind that chase you in your dreams. They walk among you in the day and I can see them even today. Those sights I see are home to me and a home I’ll never have.
Home is where you are, or at least that’s what they say. Home to me, home is here in Colorado for now.
You shouldn’t ever feel like you owe someone something in friendship. If you borrow money it is a different story, but that’s why you try not to allow money to ever be a factor in friendship. Don’t ever loan someone money unless you truly want to see how strong your friendship is when that dirty rotten thieving bastard doesn’t pay you back that money you specifically counted out for him from the stack of cash you went to the bank in the freezing cold to get for him… err.
There are few places you feel secure. Home has many names and changes names. My home, where I live, is one of the only places I feel secure. With my family, with myself. It’s my castle against the world and outside, nothing matters. I can let whatever it is that is resting on my shoulders down and for me that’s a big thing. I’m not saying I have a perfect life in these walls, no one has that. But at least I have those I care about inside with me and I know those I love are safe. It’s a security I don’t take for granted when you’ve lived as I have.
I think I’ve become scared of everything I will be. Everything inside of me, all that’s left are dreams. How do you get these things to leave I’ll think.
I know how. I know how.
Here’s a way. We’ll try this way. A drink or two. Do you smoke they say.
We do what we have to to stop it from happening. It’s an it. My kid asked me the other day why they made that movie about the clown the name ‘It.’ I didn’t have an answer.
What’s more scary than ‘it?’ It makes you cry, you don’t know why. Even wine doesn’t bring a smile to these eyes. I’ll drink a little. I’ll drink a bit. We’ll see if we can drown this it out. It never works.
I’ve found an answer, a solution that works for me. It blocks the dreams and they wait for me outside the line of my bedroom shrine. I feel them creep as my toes cross from the safety I’ve made here. But it’s ok. I’ll be ok. Bring on those dreams. Who needs rest.
Daily Positive Thought Project: Increasing My Consciousness One Thought at a Time
Different- not the same as another or each other; unlike in nature, form, or quality.
One of the most difficult things to be in life is different. But it is in our differences that our true strength lies. We live in a society that bombards us with messages of conformity. In what we wear, what we eat, what we buy, in all things, the message we get is to fit in, be a part of the system, don’t stand out! Although there is a safety in following along, there is a joy that being different brings. Never be afraid to be different from everyone else, that is where your gold is hidden. Be conscious today of your unique thoughts, words and actions. Look at the messages you are inundated with telling you…