I just plucked a nose hair and my eyes are watering a little bit.
Maybe I can’t take pain.
I wouldn’t use those tweezers for your eyebrows anymore.
Hair is hair…
She begs me to write her clothes onto the floor.
Each and every piece until her whole body has been explored.
My pen unbuttons without a second thought.
Scribbling towards what I want.
Naked body meets naked mind.
Feel your inhibitions unwind.
Feel me like you feel my words.
Smooth as hands upon your curves.
Take me now, come take me in.
Ecstasy as we begin again.
I saw her whisper… or did she sigh. A little twinkle in her eye.
It made me wonder madly why. Why did she sit alone and sigh?
I sent her flowers, no reply. Only increasing the Why.
Watched her eat, we never meet. Time passes quickly by.
She has a man, what a man. I can’t even afford his tie.
My eyes glued, but my fingers move as I only release a sigh.
She joins a name, a list of names. A litany of whys.
It is all the same, just the same… as lonely inner cries.
Money doesn’t buy you happiness they say. Well I’ll take whatever problems having too much money gives you over not having it.
When I read blogs I read real life and those lives are often similar to the one I live. I don’t follow movie stars, famous artists (other than Justin Bieber because I Belieb and you all should too), or anyone that is swimming in cash. I don’t follow those people because I don’t live that life and seeing someone that doesn’t know the struggle and hasn’t ever had to worry about buying food tomorrow isn’t of interest to me.
I remember nights when I was still in and I thought of ways to win the lottery. Right? I mean you laugh, but man… I had fucking spreadsheets and excel pages printed out. It looked like sudoku only I was playing the lotto and wanted to win!
Of course when you want money that bad you don’t leave things only to luck. I wasn’t going to buy a hundred lottery tickets… ok I only did that once but I was so sure! Anyways… I turned to poker. Now keep in mind Moneymaker had just won his tournament and every fucking Joe Shmoe thought he was moneymaker in college. So did I.
The problem is I never gave that dream up and I played forever after college. I’m not going to lie there was a time when it got a bit crazy and I won’t get into details because Gary is really bad at guarding the door. Needless to say you hit the rubber one day and I did, hard. We went through some tough times after that and I’m lucky my wife stayed with me.
Only four people have asked me why I wear two rings and two of those are my family so they don’t count. I’ll tell you even though you didn’t ask. I lost my wedding ring in a bankruptcy almost ten years ago and I’ll never forget that feeling. I felt like the biggest failure in the world and the only thing I wanted to do was beg my wife’s forgiveness, cry, and then die over there somewhere. We went that weekend to get a ring, we couldn’t afford much obviously, so we went to a kiosk and I bought a $12 silver ring (they said it was silver, but this wouldn’t stand no pirate test). Two years later I lost it whole walking around my office at the time. A friend of mine recovered it for me from a villainous evil snake (a whole different story) and sent it to me since I’d already moved on to a new company. I had already bought a new ring, a tighter ring, but I figured I’d wear both. Why not.
It’s become a symbol, a reminder for me. Whenever I think times are tough I flick my thumb across my ring finger and the sound jars my memory. It reminds me of tougher times when I wasn’t sure if my life was right and that sometimes it just takes time. And hope.
I wish you all hope bloggers.