Things I’ll do IF I win the Powerball


1 – Build a few churches and hire some people to pray for me daily. Maybe even give myself a position?

2 – Feed all the kids and unfeed all the adults.

3 – Create my own Powerball where people give me money and someone supposedly wins weekly.

4 – Change my name to Chang and disappear.

5 – I’ll be the asshole with the exotic pets I never take care of myself (because that’s how your ass gets eaten). Maybe a liger or two.

6 – Buy a television station (so I can’t get fired), host a show where I pay people to clap for me constantly because that has to be great for your self esteem, and prepare an army of lawyers.

7 – Don’t do number 6 and instead buy an island away from everyone I don’t care about.

8 – Taste every single scotch in the world.

9 – Visit all the famous places I want to see before someone blows it up or ruins it.

10 – There are many daily activities I find tedious, but brushing my teeth is top on that list. I’d hire someone to brush my teeth for me, like a personal dentist. Do we really have to do it three times a day though…

-OM