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I whispered past the need for me. Pushing my words to finally reach a distance close to a finish line, any finish line will do. I draw circles until they form words, at least they are words to me. I find meaning and I write the words I see.

I sometimes wonder what other people think. What is everyone surrounding me wondering about, worried about, what is on their mind? When I walk past a person I wonder if our thoughts collide or if they walk easily by because they are not burdened like me. Often thinking more moves ahead than are needed in life, I walk my chess moves as easily as I read them from my hand. I wonder if others do the same.

How long before my teeth start to fail or fall out.

If all we want is more when is more ever enough. And yet I get it and I love that drive in her. It pushes me to be as great as I can be. I don’t want the world. I want my world.

I’ll never apologize for what others do. I don’t care if they have a penis or not. If I didn’t do the action why am I apologizing for them? Call them out? Sure… where do you want me to stand? But this knee jerk reaction by those not in fault, take from the needed spotlight for those IN fault. Let them fall on their own sword, as it should be. As it should be.

Ever wonder what your kids will see or read of you when you die? What will you leave behind? Will I leave a twinkle in the eye… or a long fucking sighhhhhhhhh…

I don’t know why you’ve been so difficult lately, but it isn’t really lately is it… we’ve been here for awhile. I have so much over here going on that I can no longer allow you to monopolize my thoughts and fears. I’m not going to sit around anymore wondering if you are upset and why. If that means the future plots a few separate paths so be it. So be it.

So the South has a way to neutralize the northern front in case NK starts popping off, but the system that will be used hasn’t been tested yet because it can’t really be tested… but don’t worry! The parachutes will work! They just haven’t been tested yet. Just jump.

I read somewhere that the biggest scandal to the worker was when the concept of a salary was introduced because we devalue ourselves for a whole number. That’s only partially true and we still have to push to make the “hourly” part worth it. I should have pushed for more probably. Oh well.

I got a flu shot last Thursday and now I am sick. So a “free shot” gave me a “free disease” that cost me cold medicine, lots of Kleenex, a night on the couch, and a ton of bad thoughts. I knew I shouldn’t of taken it. Did everyone else have to bend over for theirs?

A handle in four days. That’s not good Jason.

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

Heartbeat

Can I stop a heartbeat and make it sing to me.

A fighting felt for the beat, deep inside of me.

I can taste the desire past the fire in my lungs.

I no longer feel tired as feelings leave like a song.

Acceptance comes with a sudden dawn.

Can I accept a day done that has never been won…

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

My mind

I want to welcome you to my mind.

It’s a dark thing, but I’m finding light. It isn’t light through the darkness either. There are just areas where I wasn’t in control.

I have control now, come I’ll show you the rest.

Tons of area to be creative. Tons of space I’ve wasted… time. It does seem to slip away, where does she go…

But we have time now, take my hand. Please.

I’ll show you the areas where light seems to grow.

You’ll like that.

You’ll see the darkness no more.

You’ll believe that…

If you shut yours eyes you’ll see it too. A tour of darkness for me and you.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

Fog of War

One day it won’t feel like I walk through the fog of war… anymore.

I’ll stand beneath the sun and shine.

I hope for that day constantly. I struggle forward, let me put down my sword.

Maybe then I won’t see what is beneath me.

Crushed dreams, little pieces of me… it seems.

Parts of the war. I see pain, I know pain.

It makes me wonder if I could handle peace.

Truly seeing all of me.

What would happen if I could see.

The man I am meant to be.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

Dispenserism

This blog always provides a line of thought to contemplate and a smile as well. -OM
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See, there's this thing called biology...

cookieI love theology, doctrine, the revelations to be found within those pages, the way scripture reveals itself, “precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little and there a little.” Isaiah 28:10.

What I  am not so fond of is academia, religiosity, and a wrong-headed heart. Can a heart be wrong-headed? Well, I have just declared it to be so, so it must be true. Our exegesis can be a work of art, our hermeneutics glorious and yet, “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” 1 Corinthians 13:1

Scripture rendered bloodless, loveless, devoid of  life, and often quite hostile towards all the alleged “heretics” of the world, just doesn’t appeal to me. Least anyone think I’m exaggerating the nature of the problem, the Babylon Bee has poked some fun at this very thing.

Internet…

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Why do bumps in my life make me feel like I’m drowning? 

Encouragement for the day. I enjoyed this post and it was a good start to the morning reading! -OM
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thesecretblogofa30yearold


I noticed a crack in the floor, a tiny black crevice slowly opening. As I peered down to look closer, the ground beneath me started shifting…my heart pounding faster and faster as I watched the tiny crack burst open into a huge swirling black vortex. Sucking every inch of life out of me, my soul floating away from my body, my heart disappearing…the sky turned black…there was no way out. The air so thick with despair I could hardly breath, it filled my throat and my lungs, slowly suffocating me. My heart palpitating and the world I knew and loved had gone. It was all over.

Whenever bumps in the road come my way, this is how I feel. It’s like I’m drowning and there’s no way to escape. Nothing will ever be ok again, I will never feel happy again, time will stand still forever in this shit pit.

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