Abuse

10/28/2017

Today I went to Walmart to prep for the party none of you are invited to…

When I’m walking out I see this guy violently slam his passenger door, there wasn’t anyone in it, and then stormed around to the front. I assume it was the front, he was a short man. When I say “violently slammed” he literally shut it three times. I don’t know how, maybe his door is broken, but it happened and I thought it was strange.

I kept walking.

His car, a white Crown Vic like an undercover cop car, sped down to the end of the parking lot where it stopped suddenly by a girl. He hopped out and started yelling and she yelled back.

I put my stuff in the trunk and shut it. Looked around and saw some people watching.

The guy put his hands on her shoulders in a firm shake.

I looked at the people around me and asked “anyone gonna call the cops?”

“Not unless he hits her,” a woman replied with a firmness in her voice from my right, she was standing by her concerned husband.

A dude walked by me and we talked.

“It’s too early for all that yelling,” I said to him.

“Sure is.” He said shaking his head, but smiling at my comment.

“I’d go down and stop him if he hit her, but he hasn’t.” I said to him as I turned back to my car. “You take care man.”

“You too man.”

I got in my car and drove down to the end of the parking lot so I was only eight parking spaces away, there was another truck parked as well with someone concerned inside.

I watched as they argued some more and then she got in the car.

She decided to get back in.

I shook my head.

The guy was about to get in his car when he noticed his audience finally, finally noticed his shouts and her yells had been heard by half the parking lot in Flatirons.

“What bro? You want to record me too?” he yelled in my direction.

My window was cracked and I’ll admit a few thoughts ran through my head. I am a father and I don’t know what this guy has on him. I know that all I witnessed was a loud argument and no physical violence. Yes, shaking someone is assault, but hard to prove unless it leaves bruises and there are cameras with witnesses. Besides what it really all boiled down to was this… she got back in the car on her own free will.

I drove away.

Jason C. Cushman

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

Note: There are many things I could and sometimes want to write on this topic, but most of it has been shared. This was a random Saturday morning. I thought I’d share it. Some may criticize me for what I did or did not do.

Sex

She begs me to write her clothes onto the floor.

Each and every piece until her whole body has been explored.

My pen unbuttons without a second thought.

Scribbling towards what I want.

Naked body meets naked mind.

Feel your inhibitions unwind.

Feel me like you feel my words.

Smooth as hands upon your curves.

Take me now, come take me in.

Ecstasy as we begin again.

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

She

I saw her whisper… or did she sigh. A little twinkle in her eye.

It made me wonder madly why. Why did she sit alone and sigh?

I sent her flowers, no reply. Only increasing the Why.

Watched her eat, we never meet. Time passes quickly by.

She has a man, what a man. I can’t even afford his tie.

My eyes glued, but my fingers move as I only release a sigh.

She joins a name, a list of names. A litany of whys.

It is all the same, just the same… as lonely inner cries.

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

Her

I whisper past her ear and my words catch onto her hair.

They hang like wind chimes ringing with written rhyme.

Do you hear them sing, the words they ring.

Bouncing inside, deep down inside.

I hear the chimes, sweet clinging lines.

As my love rides the wind beside your eyes.

Jason

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

For See

For Men Only – Relationships

Guys at some point if you continue to engage in those things called relationships eventually you’ll run into an awkward situation. This situation is usually bred when you’ve done something dumb and your wife, girlfriend, significant other, lunch date that sleeps over, or whatever decides she wants to be mad at you. She stays mad because that’s what women do, regardless of the fact that you pointed out two cardinals mating in a tree or the trail of dead butterflies beneath your feet.

Eventually you both go to bed because you have to sleep right? And the couch is only 4.3 feet long and you are unfortunately 5’10 so you reluctantly trudge up to the bedroom and wait for the palpable silence that allows you to know shit is about to go down!!!

But shit doesn’t go down…

Instead you watch funny shows without laughing and mutters are the only reply you get. It is like a North Korean torture session.

What do you do to break such a cycle you may ask? I have a few solutions, but use them at your own peril. Only you know whether or not some of these will get you stabbed.

1 – Bring a bag of her favorite chips to bed. Depending on how mad she is should determine if you get a giant ass bag from Costco. Slowly eat the chips and put emphasis on the biting action. Chew slowly. Never offer her one. Let her ask for one and break the silence she has perpetuated!

2 – Fart. This works and I don’t care how old you are. That shit is just funny.

3 – Tell her you might be getting a promotion. When you don’t get the promotion just play it off as corporate politics and have her hate the man with you. Hell she might even feel sorry for you.

4 – Tell her jim died. When jim comments on your blog the next day fall to your knees and praise god for an obvious miracle. You may want to squeeze out a tear or two.

5 – A great time to tell her about the new golf clubs.

6 – If you’ve been hiding a secret pet and it is adorable show it to her! What a great ice breaker! For those of you shaking your head saying “how could anyone hide a pet?” You’d be surprised. You go in every storage closet in your home? Really?

7 – Tickle torture works if she is ticklish. If she isn’t she might knee you in the nuts. Practice protective arm movements for sensitive areas.

8 – Watch her favorite show and pretend you’re interested. But seriously my boy Dean didn’t deserve all that grief on Bachelor in Paradise…

9 – Be overly loving and smoother her. Those glares and elbows are just love! Love the anger out of her!

Be confident and you’ll succeed men. Go Joe!

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust

The Trouble with Flirting while Driving an Auto

I almost thought I wrote this. Thanks for the smile. -OM
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Sourballs

Let’s face it, women are quite stupid, really – still bowled over by adulation, kind words and poetry.

A very wise man once told me, “Consultants are people, who look at your watch and tell you the time.” As it turned out, he was quoting his father – very much like a consultant.

Given my complete and utter inability to woo women from my neighbourhood, I have spent a considerable amount of my adult life in long distance relationships – impressing insufferable women who had no idea of what they were walking into, until one fine morning when they woke up and discovered (to their dismay) that they were in a relationship with me. As such, my relationships have entailed a lot of travel – mostly sandwiched between terribly irascible, fat men and women in slow, rickety buses.

Our steel-structures professor, who was otherwise, a phenomenal professor, had this…

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