1 – Why do people have to make a big deal about everything? So your kid somehow swallowed a Star Wars Lightsaber and now you think Star Wars is evil and should apologize to the world? That actually leads me into number two…
2 – Why is everyone apologizing for stuff all the time? I hope I never become famous or wealthy where people might sue me for random reasons. I’d be apologizing through my publicist everyday.
3 – Why do people write posts on Facebook that call out half their friend list? “To my Liberal Friends _____” You might as well unfriend those people, get it over with, and then you can change your post to “Those pieces of shit liberal fuckers think _____.”
4 – I blame Rambo, Rocky, Karate Kid, Aliens, and Back to the Future for the fact that Hollywood refuses to make anything new anymore. Instead they make remakes, additions, prequels, and prequels to the additions of the remakes…
5 – Stop making singing shows so personal. I get it, the audience loves to be drawn in. It is so annoying though and everyone has a sob story. “My brother… he used to eat my cupcakes as a kid and I never got any. I just want to win this competition so I can eat cupcakes.”
6 – Why is the McRib sandwich not offered all the time? And what happened to supersizing my fries?
7 – I think it should be illegal for commercials to show food that isn’t exactly like the food I’ll get when I get there. Because I’m coming and it better be amazing.
8 – People that have parties on a Saturday and don’t provide alcohol are unkind people. That just sucks.
9 – People that write lists are incredibly bored people.
10 – I hate when people act uppity just because they work at a store. I mean… you work there… that isn’t your fucking name on the building! Come the fuck back down to earth!
11 – I hate when people say “we,” but they really mean you. I know you are talking about me Gary.
12 – I don’t know why people expect me to kill spiders. And snakes? You better call someone for snakes… I don’t do encounters with venomous, angry creatures. That is why I don’t camp.
13 – Why am I working on a Sunday… I’m so bored!!! …