Reasons Why People Follow You and Your Blog

1 – They are waiting for you to fail. Failure is so entertaining and even more so when the failee journalizes it for us! Fail away!

2 – You have a cute animal. Because animals are cute… until it dies. After the grieving period we don’t need your blog unless you get another one.

3 – You make awesome food and tempt us with photos of it! But then we go on a diet and we block your blog because you are just a visual temptation and we don’t need that.

4 – You are cute. But then your significant other sees your blog on your tablet or iPhone and asks, “who’s that honey?!?” You can only say “I dunno, some tennis player” so many times.

5 – You are funny. But then people get sad and your humor begins to irritate the fuck out of us. Fuck your happiness.

6 – You post a lot! That’s fun until it isn’t.

7 – You write amazing poetry! Beautiful lines that eat at our soul. But then something happened and you began to write in a coded language only you understand. That’s cool and all, but if I want to learn a coded language I’ll go become an elf.

8 – You pray! A ton! I’ll visit your blog on Sunday…

9 – I love your artwork and I find inspiration in your strokes.

10 – You tricked everyone into thinking you are running an official WordPress function by placing their name in your title.

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust

10 Things Not to Say to an Asian

  1. -Do your parents speak English? No, they kind of wave their arms around and point at things while grunting.
  2. So do you like eat rice every day? So do you like eat fat every day?
  3. When did you come to this country? How do you know I wasn’t born here?
  4. Do you eat Asian food? While assuming we eat every type of Asian food you can think of IS annoying… also asking us obvious questions such as this one is pretty lame as well.
  5. Is that your dad? (points at random Asian man) No, is that your dad? (points at the first person he sees… man or woman.)
  6. Do you celebrate Chinese New Year’s? Do I look Chinese? Wait… don’t answer that. I SAID DON’T ANSWER THAT!
  7. Could you suggest a good Asian restaurant to go to? Sure, try The Drunken Chinese Chopstick Eating Dragon Wonton. I hear it is excellent!
  8. Go back to your country! If I did that who would do your math homework?
  9. What is the easiest Asian language to take for college credit… I just want to pass! Chinese is so easy and takes little effort. Go and be a star!
  10. Can you show me real quick how to use these chopsticks? How about I show you how to use a fork instead… deal?

-OM