For Men Only – Things You Can Eat In Bed While They Are Sleeping

1 – Hot Cheetos (But you have to suck on them instead of crunching down and waking them up. Or you can crunch them and claim it is thunder. That sometimes works).

2 – A Steak and Cheese Sub with provolone (Big But here. You have to use a zip lock bag to cover the sandwich and the smell, unless they have a really good sense of smell. Then you have to light a candle and if they wake up, hide the sandwich and look shocked and hurt that they fell asleep right before you were about to be intimate).

3 – Churros (The problem is that I still can’t figure out how to eat one and not get sugar in the bed. When they find that sugar… your ass is grass…).

4 – You can’t eat kimchi in bed. I’ve tried.

5 – Ice Cream (But keep in mind that if you keep clinking your bowl with your spoon they might reach out in their “sleep” and slap you).

6 – Cotton Candy (If you get caught by anyone in the middle of the night eating cotton candy you lose some cool points if you are a real man. But that shit is addictive and sometimes you gotta have it).

7 – Sausage Toad and beer (It really gives me heartburn though, ugh!).

-OM

@smokendust

Personal

I sat upon the ledge of tomorrow.

And watched yesterday run away.

No wave for parting sorrow.

Just another today.

I look down between my feet.

Deep down inside of me.

Past the sight of you and me.

And all my other fallen dreams.

-OM

@smokendust

44.1

Cheese Grits

Cheese Grits Recipe

For the amount I cooked for Christmas (large casserole) here’s what I used:

2 cups quick cooking grits (NOT “instant”)

4 eggs, beaten

1 1/2 cups milk

1 1/2 sticks butter

16 oz. shredded sharp cheddar cheese

Cook grits; add cheese and butter. cool and stir. Add eggs and milk and stir. pour into large casserole and bake 1 hour, uncovered, at 375. Can bake ahead and warm up in microwave, but better “fresh.”

-OM

@smokendust

Ok that’s odd

Ok this is kind of creepy.

For some reason the guy moved my trash can all the way up to my porch.

Normally one would think “wow! What a nice person!”

I’m a realist. There are no nice people. So I went outside and looked…

What do we notice detectives? No one else had such a kind deed done! My porch happens to be pretty secluded.

Am I being an asshole for assuming someone might of been looking for a free package?

I feel vulnerable.

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust