Cloud

I looked upon a black cloud. It did not go away.

I placed in it all my pain. Still it stayed.

Shining rays of sun. It did not care.

My black cloud waved. Like her black hair.

I tried to dance between the rain. My falling bits of pain.

Tried to forget her name, till it drove me insane.

Now all that’s left is this black cloud. Won’t you go away?

My hanging memory of emotion felt. Your exit here to stay.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

The Truth about Blogging

“You have so many subscribers but I never see many comments or likes. How’d you get your follower count so high?”

What didn’t I do?

I got my first 4,000 subscribers by telling them I knew the secret to blogging. They told their friends and now everyone is waiting for that secret. I’ve been claiming I’m going to reveal it for some time now. It does wonders for your views because “they” keep coming back expecting to see the secret of blogging!

The next 4,000 followers came when I revealed my new religion. Creating a new religion is easy online and people are willing to follow anything.

10,000 followers came from my YouTube videos. I have an amazing singing voice and I can’t help people think my dancing is amazeballs.

I wrote an ebook once. It was actually just my posts compiled as a book because I’m a lazy tard. I got 12.5 new readers from that move, but me thinks they may not really be readers.

1,000,000 views came from simply withholding my name for a couple years and promising it was going to be spectacular when I revealed it. It wasn’t. My name is Jason Chandler Cushman. Feel the amazement? … Well that’s probably why no one kept following after that.

I went self hosted and all three readers I currently have followed me. I ported over my subscribers to the self hosted site and then changed my mind and came back here. Then I changed my mind and went back to self hosted… then was again like ‘eh’ and came back. Now everyone probably thinks this site is written by my not as famous uncle Fred who really just wants to make paper airplanes.

What are we at? Like 22,000? The rest came from advertising that I’ll do personal favors I never did. If you make it exciting… people get excited. And they follow you around until they realize you are just a tease.

That about covers it. If you are ever curious why my subscriber count is so high and the comments/likes so low that’s why. I should have followed through on some of those personal favors.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

Daily

Today I feel like a steak that rolled off a plate and landed in the street only to be run over by a pink electric car.

If you are sitting there wondering how a steak rolls… you should be more worried about anyone driving a pink electric car.

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust

Dear WordPressers

Enable my gravatar…

When you make me look like this below… (edited with iphone photo)

It makes me angry.

Stop making me angry.

Go to admin settings and enable my lovely logo.

Thanks.

-OM

@smokendust

Difficult people

I think the best way to address difficult people is aggressively.

At ramming speed.

I prefer to use a galleon because they really provide a bit of umpf when I hit them. It really puts them off because they expected a sloop to come in and slightly nudge their course.

Suddenly your galleon shows up and says…

‘You know what? Fuck you!’

That’s how I deal with difficult people…

If we were comparing people to ships and I really could ram my problems out of the way.

Jason

44.1

@smokendust