Depression Settles at the Bottom

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I don’t view depression as waves, at least not for me. My depression feels like white flakes in a snow globe and are activated when something shakes me to my core. I become the center and the space around me becomes my world, a world I cannot see. While blinded I feel my swinging mood aiming for me like a gauntlet and I am the fool that has entered into it blind. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot escape.

It has been 17 years since I found out about my birth mom and my sister. It has been 12 years since I tried to kill myself the first time. It has been 9 years  since I found happiness again. Through those transitions I have relearned my depression. Through those years I have grown to accept it and myself.

People always want to fix things. Fix your smile so it looks just right, fix your attitude so it fits your new smile, and while we are at it let’s fix your past so you can finally move on. Depression? Take these meds, a few more pills. Lay back down on this couch… aren’t you comfortable yet? Tell me about your problems so I can tell you why they aren’t really issues. Let me know all your concerns so I can explain how you created them. Men and women in white coats scribbling your life away in a second. Trying to find the answers when we don’t even know the question.

Depression settles at the bottom. It never goes away. It never “finally leaves.” When happiness slams the door who is the first to notice and peep their head from waiting closet? Who knows just the right words to whisper in your ear so that you question the answers you once had?

Feelings come like a shaking sun and all you can do is stand there in your crystal prison and wait.

Waiting for depression to settle once more.

-Opinionated Man

Jason C. Cushman

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Where are my collectors at??

There aren’t many bloggers that work as hard as this blogger! Check her work out! -OM
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❤️ Clara Martinez ❤️ Origami Owl Custom Jewelry- it’s not JUST jewelry

If you are an Origami Owl collector – you have everything that Origami Owl has came out with – this is for you. If you’re just learning about Origami Owl Custom Jewelry – you’re in for a treat! – AND this is for you

http://www.claralvlocket.origamiowl.com sale with purchase - get these 4 Limited Edition charms

These 4 charms are the September customer special. The corn stalk, the scarecrow, the pumpkin and the crystals!! Take your fall jewelry looks to the next level.

If don’t wear jewelry- you can still get these and put them in a locket and wear it on your keychain or use the stick it locket and put it on your phone or fridge.

You want to add these to your collection for sure!

Happy Creating,

Clara ~.~

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*Press it* Picture Battle – OM vs Cyra, the sigh fight! #46

Well she will definitely win with this kind of support…
Photo battles are supposed to be fought with honor, like jousting for coins! Boo! LoL 😒 -OM
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Its good to be crazy Sometimes

Cyranny has a battle going on, but I have a feeling her photo will win it via Picture Battle – OM vs Cyra, the sigh fight!

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Ask the blogger: how do you deal with the trolls?

Well. That about covers it. Thanks for including my small blog on your list of great bloggers. -OM
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The Cat's Write

I went out on a limb again (hand, foot, leg and pinky this time) and asked some of my favourite bloggers if they might like to answer a few more of those burning questions we’re all thinking about. Because yes, the above question (and the others coming up in the next few weeks) were all sourced from you. So I must say, once again, thank you for the inspiration!

Today I’m bringing up the subject of trolling. You may have noticed there exists an online ‘code’ that dictates we should: never respond to the trolls ever!! EVER!! In some circumstances, yes, I completely agree (unless you enjoy a good verbal spar) but some people think you should also never even address the trolls.

Well… I decided to blog about trolling for three reasons, namely 1) to show other bloggers that they aren’t alone, 2) to let the trolls know they were

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Meet and Greets

I don’t have the time to create new meet and greet threads, but my old one is still active. If you care to find some real bloggers to connect with check out the link below.

https://aopinionatedman.com/2018/06/19/wordpress-meet-and-greet-3-all-bloggers-welcome/

Enjoy!

-OM

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@smokendust

Hoping to Die

There was a time in my life when the land was covered in darkness. It did not matter what time of the day it was there was simply no light. I walked the world a ghost and prayed to any god that would listen that he or she would simply end it for me. I wanted to die. I wrote the below poem in remembrance of that time of weakness.

And there they lay. The tools of the day. A razor, a pile of pills, and a bottle of Tanqueray.

I have stared in the mirror for hours. All have gone to bed. With each tear has come resolve. We may as well end it all. I hate you. With a hand I gulp the pills, the bottle is already near. I gulp death’s companion. And to the left are the backup dancers.

A letter to someone… I hope… anyone?

Never there is a reply. I say this aloud now as the razor cuts once, twice, thrice… and as the ice cold water washes away my sight. I feel life fleeing from my nearing empty vessel. And suddenly a wrongness, a surrender of an opportunity? I do not know.

And as the light flees the coming darkness, all I can do is embrace the growing warmth.

People fail to realize that there is depression and there is suicidal. To me suicidal is the point you reach when you just don’t care. You could give a shit less about heaven or hell, they are one and the same because your life has become a living hell. It doesn’t matter how many “do gooders” speak soft words in your direction, you only see darkness.

I remember well that time still to this day. The feeling of that night, sitting online and telling a few “close online friends” that I just didn’t care. That it was time to see what the next page brought. I remember a feeling of finality when I shut down my mother’s computer. My steps were almost light as I walked slowly upstairs. Neither asleep, nor really awake… I walked like a man in a daze to my bathroom. I starred at myself in the mirror for what seems like hours and in those precious minutes I decided I was ready to die. I made that choice. I took those pills and I drank that bottle to the head and I remember smiling. Because finally I didn’t feel so cold anymore. The warmth of death was my friend that night and I was ready to receive him.

It changes you… that type of experience. It is nothing to brag about and many might feel ashamed of that type of weakness. To feel ashamed of being human is a shame in itself. I was human that night, but I am lucky my humanity failed to die.

-Opinionated Man

Jason C. Cushman

@smokendust

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