The Daily Chore

When I was young enough to still appreciate a dollar, my father made up a contract for my siblings and I with an agreement to do chores for X amount of dollars. I think I remember he even privately gave it to each of us so we never knew what the other contracts said for one another. I grew up waiting for Friday’s when my father would come home from the hospital and give me my crisp $5 bill, which I’d normally end up spending on renting a game or movie from Blockbuster for the weekend. A sega genesis game after tax came out to be about that amount back then. Later on in life my father opened my first checking account for me and my money was deposited there. I couldn’t of been prouder to own my own debit card that had my name on it.

I’ve got two kids and I’ve been teaching them the value of money. It becomes so easy for parents to buy an extra toy for a child at Target or Walmart, what’s $5 – $10 more when I’m already paying $150 on average every time I go to one of those succubuses?

I decided my father had the right idea and I started giving them a weekly allowance recently. They were already doing chores, but now their chores have even more meaning. We tried a chore chart… but you forget what you owe and when you owe it. Children quickly pick up on if a “reward” is bogus. They stop playing those games instantly!

We’ll see how this goes. We learn something new parenting everyday!

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

My Daily

We have a situation.

This little reading timer keeps going off at 8 pm every night on the dot. Here I’ll show the culprit.

One might think you could press the mode button and remedy the situation.

One might think that…

None of those buttons do anything to stop the timer coming back on the next night! I’ve pressed everything! There’s only four fucking buttons!

So I was just going to take the battery out but nope..

Some little elf with miniature hands (if being an elf wasn’t bad enough) put these damn things in and none of my fifty two screw drivers fit. Not even the special one for the bathtub handles.

What’s the hammer for?

I’m gonna solve this fucking problem.

Once and for all.

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust

Parenting

Dear Parents,

If you use the drop off lane at school for your kids please ensure you are following the proper procedure. If you have to get out of your car to help little billy out of his car seat you should be using the “take your ass to the parking lot” lane.

Not the drop off lane.

The drop off lane is for independent children that can quickly get out of the car so their parent can get his ass to work on time to make his 8:15 am meeting. That parent misses his meeting when little billy is actually baby billy and now your car just held everyone up! And you didn’t even pull up so others could drop off too, you stopped at the bend of the curve and kept everyone else lined up in the street while you gave hugs…

Jerk wagon.

Note: Obviously I have no idea what their real names were.

-OM

@smokendust