Fear

I’ll admit I have a few fears. I just witnessed one of them this week.

My grandmother passed away from Alzheimer’s disease a bit ago. My best friend’s mother passed away from Louie Body Dementia this past week, a new disease for me to add to my fear list. Louie Body is much like Alzheimer’s, it robs you of any dignity you have earned from your lifespan. It takes you from an adult back down to the status of a child and in the end they either whither away and die or they starve to death.

In the past five years I saw a woman go from my best friend’s mom, a woman my wife vividly remembers because of her openness and kindness when meeting her the first time, to a woman I barely recognized but still deeply felt connected to. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose yourself.

This blog, this place I’ve built for myself here… It is the image of my mind. These diseases that cause you to lose what I hold most precious scare me. What are we without our memories? What is a life if you don’t even remember living it?

You know some people make the statement that they want to be written into a book so they can be remembered forever.

I just want to remember myself and all I love till my last breath. That’s all I ask really, to be able to have that last blink and hopefully slide out one last thought that maybe it was worth it after all.

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust