Seven Reasons Crying Sucks

Everyone always says “look at how beautiful they are with those tears in their eyes.” Crying isn’t beautiful and here’s why.

1 – Crying is painful. Like a stinging pain… anyone that isn’t grimacing in pain from a pooling collection of tears probably has a plastic face. Now, is that still beautiful?

2 – Tears have a close second cousin called snot rocket and they race to the finish line.

3 – When you cry, I cry. Then we are all crying and a room full of people crying is probably the most unpleasant cacophonous sound in the world. Torture some may call it.

4 – You’d never know it, but somehow all my bodily fluids are contained in those tiny little tear drops because I am drained and parched after crying. I hate being thirsty.

5 – Anytime your face twists up into angles it wasn’t meant to go it is never pretty. So you will never look pretty crying. Ever.

6 – Sometimes when you cry you also try to talk and it comes out in stutters and it is really hard to understand. I find that highly annoying. Either cry or talk… cause obviously we can’t do both at once people..

7 – The reasons most people cry are just plain dumb. That makes the crying happening dumb. Those are just dumb tears. Some might say wasted.

I could really go on and on. Don’t get me started on hugging…

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

Ok Cali…

Two things.

What is up with so many places not taking Visa credit cards in Cali? I even had a clerk tell me “welcome to Cali!” when I mentioned it. Working in the credit card industry… this just baffles the fuck out of me.

The second one isn’t new really because in Florida they do the same thing.

Paying for plastic bags is annoying as shit though…

I’m sure it is more annoying to be a fish and get caught in floating garbage, but considering I’m not a fish… I wouldn’t know that for sure. I care more about the 35 cents per bag.

One last thing.

You all suck at driving.

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust

Personal

Last night I decided to move my TV a little bit to the left for my wife.

It is on top of an entertainment system and no I don’t know how much it weighs.

But it’s a heavy son of a bitch.

I just kind of pulled on it, up and back a with a jerk…

My back hurts today…

I think it won.

-OM

@smokendust

Daily (unedited)

I really don’t understand why people pull out trump cards when they don’t have to. And it isn’t even near proportionate…

Like I pull out an ant and they pull out an elephant… which wouldn’t help actually because elephants are scared of ants. I saw it on the animal planet…

“Well I wasn’t ordering…” but you were! You were!!! Ugh!

And people wonder why I charge the hill. You know what happens when you walk up the hill, when you meander up the hill? Some fool trips you and you bruise your ass all the way down it rolling while pondering what a fool you are.

So I charge.

Up the hill… to see the next hill to charge to. It’s very tiresome… this thing called life.

How is it you win, but you don’t really win. How does that even work?

That’s fucking lame.

Jason

44.1

@smokendust