For Men Only – Things You Can Eat In Bed While They Are Sleeping

1 – Hot Cheetos (But you have to suck on them instead of crunching down and waking them up. Or you can crunch them and claim it is thunder. That sometimes works).

2 – A Steak and Cheese Sub with provolone (Big But here. You have to use a zip lock bag to cover the sandwich and the smell, unless they have a really good sense of smell. Then you have to light a candle and if they wake up, hide the sandwich and look shocked and hurt that they fell asleep right before you were about to be intimate).

3 – Churros (The problem is that I still can’t figure out how to eat one and not get sugar in the bed. When they find that sugar… your ass is grass…).

4 – You can’t eat kimchi in bed. I’ve tried.

5 – Ice Cream (But keep in mind that if you keep clinking your bowl with your spoon they might reach out in their “sleep” and slap you).

6 – Cotton Candy (If you get caught by anyone in the middle of the night eating cotton candy you lose some cool points if you are a real man. But that shit is addictive and sometimes you gotta have it).

7 – Sausage Toad and beer (It really gives me heartburn though, ugh!).

-OM

@smokendust

Life tip

You can’t just turn everything to make it tighten. You think you can because… righty tighty lefty loosey.

That doesn’t always work for things like a hand towel holder that sudden rattles because it is coming off the holder. You’d think you would just tighten the damn thing by turning it multiple times till it stops turning. Duh.

If only life were so easy.

Unfortunately this doesn’t work. It also doesn’t work on one of the handles for a toilet paper roll holder. That problem too, the handle jiggles ugh, will not resolve itself by just freaking turning it a few times.

Upon closer inspection… and I won’t tell you what I was doing when I found this tip out, but apparently little gnomes inserted small screws at the base of the holders that you have to take off to access a back screw that is holding the handle and holders in place! This screw is so small it is obviously made in the world of PainInMyAss…

Long story long, I fixed two home projects. What did you do this week?

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

Ok that’s odd

Ok this is kind of creepy.

For some reason the guy moved my trash can all the way up to my porch.

Normally one would think “wow! What a nice person!”

I’m a realist. There are no nice people. So I went outside and looked…

What do we notice detectives? No one else had such a kind deed done! My porch happens to be pretty secluded.

Am I being an asshole for assuming someone might of been looking for a free package?

I feel vulnerable.

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust

Just don’t look for it

I learned a hard lesson as a blogger a couple years ago.

Just don’t look for it.

The ‘it’ is of course the criticism and sometimes hate out there about you.

When I was really pushing the traffic towards this blog I used a matrix to search and protect my blog as well. This enabled me to often find when my posts were being stolen. Yes, believe it or not, some poor soul out there thought my mediocre writing was worth lifting simply because I had replugged and respun the shit out of a couple posts as a personal challenge to see how many times I could get them read. One post had close to half a million views and “people” began stealing it to try and get that same traffic. This is actually common in the blogging world.

The other thing I began to find were posts criticizing me and my blog.

At first I was shocked. I mean, I’m a normal guy and an average blogger, so I couldn’t fathom why people would spend the time to post criticism about me.

People will. They don’t care. It’s online. I was immature. I fought back. I got in trouble twice. I learned my lesson. Twice…

If you are a new blogger I would advise you to steel that backbone. For some people criticism is a new thing believe it or not. Walls just kind of fall down in front of them and the wind never pushes them… they push the wind. For the rest of us we deal with it daily because we are probably around people that think we are inadequate. And that’s no different here.

I don’t powerblog anymore so I have no reason to do my searches. Besides, it never changes and I’ve learned now, today, that I don’t deal with criticism that well and I’m working on it. I’m working on that ‘wanting to hug people’ thing too, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Just don’t look for it. Why?

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust