Nine Years

This has to be shared. Beautiful thoughts, reflection, and honesty. Real blogging. -OM
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Father Says...

My older daughter emotionally posted Monday, “Lord, get me through Wednesday and I will be okay for another year.” My younger daughter responded, I’m with you sis ” My three boys are unusually quiet. I continue to cope.

Today — the Wednesday Dee referred to — is the ninth anniversary of the death of their Mom and my Wife. It was the day that changed our lives forever … or at least forever in earthly terms.

I’ve been through the details before. If you’re interested, just page back to this date over the past five years.  The details are the details. More important are the memories … and there many, well over 40 years worth. Karen touched her family in so many ways.

While I’ve navigated — and continue to navigate — through the stages of grief, I haven’t lost sight of the fact our future was cut short…

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Sex

She begs me to write her clothes onto the floor.

Each and every piece until her whole body has been explored.

My pen unbuttons without a second thought.

Scribbling towards what I want.

Naked body meets naked mind.

Feel your inhibitions unwind.

Feel me like you feel my words.

Smooth as hands upon your curves.

Take me now, come take me in.

Ecstasy as we begin again.

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

Money

(Unedited)

Money doesn’t buy you happiness they say. Well I’ll take whatever problems having too much money gives you over not having it.

When I read blogs I read real life and those lives are often similar to the one I live. I don’t follow movie stars, famous artists (other than Justin Bieber because I Belieb and you all should too), or anyone that is swimming in cash. I don’t follow those people because I don’t live that life and seeing someone that doesn’t know the struggle and hasn’t ever had to worry about buying food tomorrow isn’t of interest to me.

I remember nights when I was still in and I thought of ways to win the lottery. Right? I mean you laugh, but man… I had fucking spreadsheets and excel pages printed out. It looked like sudoku only I was playing the lotto and wanted to win!

Of course when you want money that bad you don’t leave things only to luck. I wasn’t going to buy a hundred lottery tickets… ok I only did that once but I was so sure! Anyways… I turned to poker. Now keep in mind Moneymaker had just won his tournament and every fucking Joe Shmoe thought he was moneymaker in college. So did I.

The problem is I never gave that dream up and I played forever after college. I’m not going to lie there was a time when it got a bit crazy and I won’t get into details because Gary is really bad at guarding the door. Needless to say you hit the rubber one day and I did, hard. We went through some tough times after that and I’m lucky my wife stayed with me.

Only four people have asked me why I wear two rings and two of those are my family so they don’t count. I’ll tell you even though you didn’t ask. I lost my wedding ring in a bankruptcy almost ten years ago and I’ll never forget that feeling. I felt like the biggest failure in the world and the only thing I wanted to do was beg my wife’s forgiveness, cry, and then die over there somewhere. We went that weekend to get a ring, we couldn’t afford much obviously, so we went to a kiosk and I bought a $12 silver ring (they said it was silver, but this wouldn’t stand no pirate test). Two years later I lost it whole walking around my office at the time. A friend of mine recovered it for me from a villainous evil snake (a whole different story) and sent it to me since I’d already moved on to a new company. I had already bought a new ring, a tighter ring, but I figured I’d wear both. Why not.

It’s become a symbol, a reminder for me. Whenever I think times are tough I flick my thumb across my ring finger and the sound jars my memory. It reminds me of tougher times when I wasn’t sure if my life was right and that sometimes it just takes time. And hope.

I wish you all hope bloggers.

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

Her

I whisper past her ear and my words catch onto her hair.

They hang like wind chimes ringing with written rhyme.

Do you hear them sing, the words they ring.

Bouncing inside, deep down inside.

I hear the chimes, sweet clinging lines.

As my love rides the wind beside your eyes.

Jason

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

For See

Sorry but I don’t

Sorry but I don’t meet people in person. I don’t do private messaging because I am married and my wife would beat me with a spoon. Not a solid spoon either, one of those spoons with holes in it so it goes whooooooshhhh before it hits you.

I don’t email privately unless it is blog related. I also rarely share much about my family… other than obviously my wife may or may not hit me with a wooden spoon if she caught me privately messaging any of you…

-Opinionated Man

Jason Cushman

@smokendust

For Men Only – Relationships

Guys at some point if you continue to engage in those things called relationships eventually you’ll run into an awkward situation. This situation is usually bred when you’ve done something dumb and your wife, girlfriend, significant other, lunch date that sleeps over, or whatever decides she wants to be mad at you. She stays mad because that’s what women do, regardless of the fact that you pointed out two cardinals mating in a tree or the trail of dead butterflies beneath your feet.

Eventually you both go to bed because you have to sleep right? And the couch is only 4.3 feet long and you are unfortunately 5’10 so you reluctantly trudge up to the bedroom and wait for the palpable silence that allows you to know shit is about to go down!!!

But shit doesn’t go down…

Instead you watch funny shows without laughing and mutters are the only reply you get. It is like a North Korean torture session.

What do you do to break such a cycle you may ask? I have a few solutions, but use them at your own peril. Only you know whether or not some of these will get you stabbed.

1 – Bring a bag of her favorite chips to bed. Depending on how mad she is should determine if you get a giant ass bag from Costco. Slowly eat the chips and put emphasis on the biting action. Chew slowly. Never offer her one. Let her ask for one and break the silence she has perpetuated!

2 – Fart. This works and I don’t care how old you are. That shit is just funny.

3 – Tell her you might be getting a promotion. When you don’t get the promotion just play it off as corporate politics and have her hate the man with you. Hell she might even feel sorry for you.

4 – Tell her jim died. When jim comments on your blog the next day fall to your knees and praise god for an obvious miracle. You may want to squeeze out a tear or two.

5 – A great time to tell her about the new golf clubs.

6 – If you’ve been hiding a secret pet and it is adorable show it to her! What a great ice breaker! For those of you shaking your head saying “how could anyone hide a pet?” You’d be surprised. You go in every storage closet in your home? Really?

7 – Tickle torture works if she is ticklish. If she isn’t she might knee you in the nuts. Practice protective arm movements for sensitive areas.

8 – Watch her favorite show and pretend you’re interested. But seriously my boy Dean didn’t deserve all that grief on Bachelor in Paradise…

9 – Be overly loving and smoother her. Those glares and elbows are just love! Love the anger out of her!

Be confident and you’ll succeed men. Go Joe!

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust