Rage

I’ve known controlled and uncontrollable rage. I think we all have. Uncontrollable rage like when we get so angry we throw our cell phone and break it. About six seconds later the regret kicks in and then a new anger… at ourselves for breaking such a precious thing! All over someone not even worth it! Fuck! What were we thinking?!? We could have thrown the blender, it is only worth $20! But then how would we make margaritas?

I’ve known controlled rage. That anger where you want to just pummel someone until they are broken like your favorite toy was. And then you are sad the toy is gone. I’ve known that rage before often and controlled it. It makes me reflect sometimes on myself.

When I was young I was taught that “a deed thought of is a deed done.” Well that scared the shit out of me. I think up some evil stuff and have thought horrible deeds in the past. That meant… I might as well of done them in the face of God. I wasn’t too sure about how I felt about that as a child. That basically meant I was on the hook for something I didn’t feel I controlled mentally. And who wants to fast from food to try and control your mind when you are twelve?

I’ve learned that my mind is a puzzle that becomes less puzzling each day. Pieces of me have become a part of what I will be, I just don’t know it yet. The piece of my mind that thinks awful thoughts and is right next to the agitated Cushman that never relaxes. I’ve stopped trying to fight them. They are just me at this point.

And I am who I am.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

Reliable

Some things are just reliable. You are always there when I need you, fitting perfectly into my hand.

We work together without thought. It is almost effortless…

You know what, it is effortless.

You can’t say that about most relationships. We never argue. I don’t even remember the day you came into my life.

Thanks for being you.

For being awesome at what you do!

-OM

@smokendust

Lost & Found

I never knew I was lost till I was found.

Morning glow come stay the night’s sound.

We are all dealing with something even with our eyes wide open.

A struggle for a forgotten feeling of feeling nothing at all.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust