Daily Denver

We miss you Peyton.

Well…

I miss you.

I sometimes take your card out and look at it. Normally when He Who Will Not Be Named is playing. When that’s not enough we chat of course… here…

You haven’t returned any of my texts yet, you must have a new number.

From,

Your biggest fan.

Me!

-OM

@smokendust

If you are wondering, “god did that just happen?”

Yes it did.

For Men Only – Things You Can Eat In Bed While They Are Sleeping

1 – Hot Cheetos (But you have to suck on them instead of crunching down and waking them up. Or you can crunch them and claim it is thunder. That sometimes works).

2 – A Steak and Cheese Sub with provolone (Big But here. You have to use a zip lock bag to cover the sandwich and the smell, unless they have a really good sense of smell. Then you have to light a candle and if they wake up, hide the sandwich and look shocked and hurt that they fell asleep right before you were about to be intimate).

3 – Churros (The problem is that I still can’t figure out how to eat one and not get sugar in the bed. When they find that sugar… your ass is grass…).

4 – You can’t eat kimchi in bed. I’ve tried.

5 – Ice Cream (But keep in mind that if you keep clinking your bowl with your spoon they might reach out in their “sleep” and slap you).

6 – Cotton Candy (If you get caught by anyone in the middle of the night eating cotton candy you lose some cool points if you are a real man. But that shit is addictive and sometimes you gotta have it).

7 – Sausage Toad and beer (It really gives me heartburn though, ugh!).

-OM

@smokendust

Life tip

You can’t just turn everything to make it tighten. You think you can because… righty tighty lefty loosey.

That doesn’t always work for things like a hand towel holder that sudden rattles because it is coming off the holder. You’d think you would just tighten the damn thing by turning it multiple times till it stops turning. Duh.

If only life were so easy.

Unfortunately this doesn’t work. It also doesn’t work on one of the handles for a toilet paper roll holder. That problem too, the handle jiggles ugh, will not resolve itself by just freaking turning it a few times.

Upon closer inspection… and I won’t tell you what I was doing when I found this tip out, but apparently little gnomes inserted small screws at the base of the holders that you have to take off to access a back screw that is holding the handle and holders in place! This screw is so small it is obviously made in the world of PainInMyAss…

Long story long, I fixed two home projects. What did you do this week?

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust