10 things no one likes to do

1) Cleaning up dog poop from your front yard when you don’t own a damn dog.

2) Paying for dental work when you can’t see inside your own mouth and that blurry black and white photo they showed you could have been abstract art.

3) Paying taxes for last year because apparently you are privileged to be middle class, but don’t feel very privileged or middle of anything.

4) Explaining why the tooth fairy forgot this time.

5) Having an hour long political debate because you were stupid enough to make an offhand statement on current events as an icebreaker.

6) Going to eat pho with your non Asian friend and finally explaining after the hundredth question that you actually aren’t Vietnamese and don’t know what all the stuff in the bowl is. It just tastes good.

7) Explaining your job to someone that assumes they already know your job. Yes I was in the Air Force, no I didn’t fly planes. Yes I work in IT, no I can’t fix your motherboard.

8) Going in for an endoscopy and finding out it’s actually a colonoscopy.

9) Doing End of the Year reviews and then having to do first quarter reviews and expectations literally two weeks later.

10) Helping someone troubleshoot their cell phone issues when they start the conversation with “your people didn’t make this one very well.”

-Opinionated Man

W.E.B. Griffin

My mother, Susan Cushman, gave me the first book of this series and it’s my favorite collection of books on the corps. It’s better than any movie you could watch. I immediately bought the series and read every book a few hundred times each (don’t ask why, I reread books over and over). I always thought it was funny that Griffin seemed to skip from one part of the war to another in the middle of the series… it was really odd, but I wrote it off as just his style.

15 years later I finally have book shelves and all my series books are lined up in order. I now realize why the story skipped ahead!

I was missing a book this whole time and it was book 6 of a series of 10!!! I always thought I was a pretty good reader.

How did I miss a title for 15 years?!?!?!?! Duh…

-OM

Just a nip

When I was growing up my parents, like most parents, had a liquor cabinet. A fascinating, magical place that held bottles I wasn’t allowed to touch. I grew up in the south and was allowed a swallow of my father’s beer occasionally and on a very rare occurrence even a small small portion of wine. Honestly the most alcohol I got on the regular was at church from the communion.

When I was in my teens, around the age of 16, I discovered that this magical place didn’t even require a key to access. It wasn’t like a gun cabinet where there was no way in hell you were getting in. I decided it was probably a good time in my life to see what the difference was between those colorful bottles and the beer I’d already partaken of.

I quickly learned I wasn’t a fan of gin. The bottle with the English looking guard was cool and all, but gin tasted like rubbing alcohol… don’t ask how I knew that. I had no clue you weren’t supposed to drink vermouth straight, so that was a gross experience. Vodka tasted like a less awful rubbing alcohol, so that left the curious bottle labeled Dewars. I was instantly drawn to this bottle because a dewar is actually a type of dwarf and since I loved fantasy novels it really made sense I’d probably like the mysteriously dark liquid within.

I loved it.

When I took my first taste it burned like fire and I was afraid I was having an allergic reaction. The burning subsided and I quickly felt a loose, mellow sensation that I knew was meant for me. All the cares a 16 year old kid could have began to fade away.

That D I got in school, no biggie.

Doing my laundry? Eh, it will get done.

Chores? What chores…

It really was a friendship on first sight situation. I realized though, as I kept sampling, that there was now a big problem. The bottle wasn’t as full as it used to be and even though my father rarely drank it… he’d instantly notice being the observant man he was. I began to panic. I mean what excuse could I give? I couldn’t say it fell and spilled because then they’d ask the obvious question as to what I was even doing touching it. Couldn’t blame my brother because he wasn’t living at home anymore. My sister… they’d never believe that.

I did what anyone left with no choice would do. I filled the bottle with water from the sink, gave it a hundred shakes to see if the color would darken, then prayed no one touched the dewars for a few years till I went to college.

When I did go to college my parents decided to sell the home. My mom came to visit me on campus and took me out to dinner. I’m really not sure how it came up, but a conversation on things we’d done as kids that they knew about began.

“By the way… we had a party before we sold the home and decided to have a cocktail party,” she said out of the blue.

I had no clue where she was going with this. I’d been at college for a couple years and alcohol was no longer a big deal to me.

“Someone tried the Dewars Scotch we had. It was mostly water…”

Secrets never last forever I guess. They always catch up with you…

-OM

44.1

Cobra Kai

I love this show!!!

It’s the best thing I’ve watched since GOT ended. I really like how they intermingled the real story line into this new one and made it work perfectly. It’s also really amusing hearing “the other guy’s” perspective on how it really went down. It’s so funny!

Kind of makes me think of this clip from How I Met Your Mother!

I am on season 2 now. There better be a season 3!

-Opinionated Man