Pen thieves

You really have to watch out for pen thieves and they are everywhere like people that take your lighter! Many don’t even know they are pen thieves! Incredibly right? They’ll walk right off with your belonging and not give it a second thought. I’ve encountered these people while working in restaurants and in offices, and it is infuriating!

I propose pen theft be given a minimum of one hundred years in prison.

Per pen.

-Opinionated Man


Things You Don’t Want to Hear at Work


2 – “First, I want you to know how much we appreciate you and the work you do here.”

3 – “We are closing the downstairs vending machine until further notice.”

4 – About your life. Unless I ask. I won’t ask.

5 – Mandatory

6 – Buyout or Bought or “We just got bought! Ahhhhh!!!”

7 – Triple beep card rejection. This can mean many things depending on where you work. We forgot to renew your smartcard or… I’ve known some companies that let you know you are terminated by simply not letting you in the building that morning.

8 – “Who knows what an ice breaker is?”

9 – If you have a really annoying laugh and everyone can hear you… don’t laugh. Just save your laughter for your car ride home and the whole ride laugh to yourself to get it out. If you can’t figure out if you have an annoying laugh ask a few strangers for an honest opinion. Don’t ask friends. Your friends probably have annoying laughs as well…




This commercial just told me I could buy a drug to cure my stomach problems, but may cause me to get a life threatening disease called Kidoacidocious (spelling? A disease that causes the game to end). Why can’t they find a drug that just heals you… and doesn’t “possibly” kill you?





“Hi, can I please speak to Jason Cushman?”

“This is him…”

“Hi! This is Gary from GoDaddy and I wanted to let you know your SSL cert is going to expire soon!”

“Yea I know. I still own the domain through you guys, but I dropped your WordPress service because it was a piece of shit.”

“Yes, I do show your domain is paid through 2019!”

“… I know…”

“Well thank you for your time Jason! Let us know if we can do anything else for you and your site!”

“Thanks Gary. I don’t care what they say about you. You are an awesome person.”