Lost & Found

I never knew I was lost till I was found.

Morning glow come stay the night’s sound.

We are all dealing with something even with our eyes wide open.

A struggle for a forgotten feeling of feeling nothing at all.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

Highs and Lows

I’ve always ridden my highs and lows in life because there has always been a bell curb of the day… the week… or the flip of a switch of the moment. As I begin to get used to this new management role I am also being reminded of the need to be professional. I used to think this meant one thing, be an unfeeling asshole. I am starting to learn that it can be whatever you want it to be.

I’m a complainer. I know… shocker. Anyone that reads this blog can hear me, hear my voice, and normally my voice is giving voice to a complaint. I don’t know why, perhaps I am just a judgmental bastard or maybe I can blame the orphanage as a child. I still eat like an orphan after all.

The problem with me is that I care too much. You always hear people say “I don’t do things half assed,” but it’s true. I don’t. When I take something on I fully jump in, even if it is a lost cause. I sure am glad I haven’t found myself on the losing side of a war this lifetime.

I was told I need to work on not allowing so much emotion into my voice. It is a little amusing considering I have a monotonous voice that I wouldn’t even wish upon myself, but I am assuming what was being called is my annoyance and how easily I show my frustration through my tone. My wife says I project my emotions so strongly that people can feel it in the room. That probably also explains why I don’t have many friends. Humans tend to not like people that are too high or too low depending on the hour you catch them on. My hours don’t follow the sun.

I do need to learn to not complain as much and internalize some of those emotions. As a manager I have to recognize that my attitude affects those around me. It makes me wonder if anyone really took a strong look at me before putting me into this position because anyone that works around me knows I ride the waves. I am the wave.

Sometimes I don’t know what to call it and I don’t even want to grace it with a name. My everything that is nothing brings me down and I feel so depressed that I just want everyone to leave me alone.

But now I am in a position where I am never alone and a constant finger is always tapping me on the shoulder. It makes me want to shoot the sun sometimes… or let the sun run over me.

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

Simple want

I’ve never known a wrong so well as I know one right now. It feels like a smooth handle with a cold copper top.Sometimes it stings so right and feels like the bitter cold realization that you can’t turn back. You can’t undo what has been done as you rub your fingers together and look what you have done. The stain of life so bright that it turns the night into day as the fog fades away.Everything is so right again as the wrong deed that has been done begins to fade.And all that is left is the memory of pain and the want to feel it again.JC44.1@smokendust

The Hidden Tavern

Drunk: What the hell is the hidden tavern and why can I see it? I like the word tavern for some reason…

Jason: It says on the guest map that this is the first stop in our Extraordinary Fantasy Journey. What’s this small print… oh, it is also an “escape room.” That’s some kinda trend entertainment these days where you try to escape from a room.

Angry: I don’t like the sound of that guys. Remember the last time that woman said “try to escape from my room” to us? That didn’t go so well and we barely did!

Happiness: That night still makes me unhappy.

Jason: You know if we had stayed home and drank Jack while playing Starcraft that night would have never happened… drunk…

Drunk: Don’t judge me.

Those atomic hurricanes would be nice now too, by the way.

Angry: So are we going into the death trap or what? This feels like a Korean movie.

Jason: Well I didn’t pay twenty dollars times fourteen for nothing. Come on…

Light

I held my candle to the light.

And watched my light steal the night.

We became a dying sight.

As burning souls took flight.

 

I close my eyes and see the dark.

Without a soul, we are the dark.

She holds my hand and it is a start.

A little light leaves a mark.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust