Sex

She begs me to write her clothes onto the floor.

Each and every piece until her whole body has been explored.

My pen unbuttons without a second thought.

Scribbling towards what I want.

Naked body meets naked mind.

Feel your inhibitions unwind.

Feel me like you feel my words.

Smooth as hands upon your curves.

Take me now, come take me in.

Ecstasy as we begin again.

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

She

I saw her whisper… or did she sigh. A little twinkle in her eye.

It made me wonder madly why. Why did she sit alone and sigh?

I sent her flowers, no reply. Only increasing the Why.

Watched her eat, we never meet. Time passes quickly by.

She has a man, what a man. I can’t even afford his tie.

My eyes glued, but my fingers move as I only release a sigh.

She joins a name, a list of names. A litany of whys.

It is all the same, just the same… as lonely inner cries.

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

For Men Only – Relationships

Guys at some point if you continue to engage in those things called relationships eventually you’ll run into an awkward situation. This situation is usually bred when you’ve done something dumb and your wife, girlfriend, significant other, lunch date that sleeps over, or whatever decides she wants to be mad at you. She stays mad because that’s what women do, regardless of the fact that you pointed out two cardinals mating in a tree or the trail of dead butterflies beneath your feet.

Eventually you both go to bed because you have to sleep right? And the couch is only 4.3 feet long and you are unfortunately 5’10 so you reluctantly trudge up to the bedroom and wait for the palpable silence that allows you to know shit is about to go down!!!

But shit doesn’t go down…

Instead you watch funny shows without laughing and mutters are the only reply you get. It is like a North Korean torture session.

What do you do to break such a cycle you may ask? I have a few solutions, but use them at your own peril. Only you know whether or not some of these will get you stabbed.

1 – Bring a bag of her favorite chips to bed. Depending on how mad she is should determine if you get a giant ass bag from Costco. Slowly eat the chips and put emphasis on the biting action. Chew slowly. Never offer her one. Let her ask for one and break the silence she has perpetuated!

2 – Fart. This works and I don’t care how old you are. That shit is just funny.

3 – Tell her you might be getting a promotion. When you don’t get the promotion just play it off as corporate politics and have her hate the man with you. Hell she might even feel sorry for you.

4 – Tell her jim died. When jim comments on your blog the next day fall to your knees and praise god for an obvious miracle. You may want to squeeze out a tear or two.

5 – A great time to tell her about the new golf clubs.

6 – If you’ve been hiding a secret pet and it is adorable show it to her! What a great ice breaker! For those of you shaking your head saying “how could anyone hide a pet?” You’d be surprised. You go in every storage closet in your home? Really?

7 – Tickle torture works if she is ticklish. If she isn’t she might knee you in the nuts. Practice protective arm movements for sensitive areas.

8 – Watch her favorite show and pretend you’re interested. But seriously my boy Dean didn’t deserve all that grief on Bachelor in Paradise…

9 – Be overly loving and smoother her. Those glares and elbows are just love! Love the anger out of her!

Be confident and you’ll succeed men. Go Joe!

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust

The Trouble with Flirting while Driving an Auto

I almost thought I wrote this. Thanks for the smile. -OM
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Sourballs

Let’s face it, women are quite stupid, really – still bowled over by adulation, kind words and poetry.

A very wise man once told me, “Consultants are people, who look at your watch and tell you the time.” As it turned out, he was quoting his father – very much like a consultant.

Given my complete and utter inability to woo women from my neighbourhood, I have spent a considerable amount of my adult life in long distance relationships – impressing insufferable women who had no idea of what they were walking into, until one fine morning when they woke up and discovered (to their dismay) that they were in a relationship with me. As such, my relationships have entailed a lot of travel – mostly sandwiched between terribly irascible, fat men and women in slow, rickety buses.

Our steel-structures professor, who was otherwise, a phenomenal professor, had this…

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Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter

She comes into your life and brings nature’s blessing. And with her entrance comes a curse of wanton passion. The grass is still alive as it blazes in the sun. The chorus of our laughter floats gently in the Spring breeze. We are the definition of love and our hands are linked as we dance amongst the growing and the grown alike. We enjoy timeless sunsets on picturesque settings creating canvases waiting to be painted at each moment. We love.

Time works wonders and bonds grow firm. We resolve to walk quietly into the night together. Hands held tightly against the shadows we once faced alone. We pick each other up in the heat of the Summer, against the blazing sun and humanity’s punishment. We turn as one, in unison with one another’s needs. I am your need and you are mine. And like an oak tree we grow together.

The rain has come and we have weathered storms. We still touch… but sometimes our hands Fall like leaves from our tired limbs. The chatter of children running around our base keeps us united, we are still united with finger painted signs and chalk figures. But some nights are cold and the moon shines two shadows upon the ground.

It snows here in Denver. The Winter seems to be most of the year… at least lately. But even with the constant ice, it does melt with the strength of will. A will we share each morning and return to each night. The seasons form a timeless ring that hardens into a golden promise. They touch each time our hands unite with infused emotion. Regardless of what emotion that is the presence of feelings means that we still care.

Jason C. Cushman

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

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For Men Only – Relationships

Men,

When a woman catches you in the middle of a particularly difficult project, maybe the doorknob doesn’t fit the hole you just drilled…

When she gives you that look just give her the thumbs up back 👍. Sure she may be mentally thinking ‘he can shove that thumb up his ass! He better fix that shit!’

At least you’ve communicated.

Now fix that shit…

-OM