This will quite possibly be the only non-related post I will make on this blog, but I am trying to promote it, plus it’s like I’m paying it forward to other bloggers that may want to do the same thing.
So, if you want to promote your blog just follow this link and then follow the very simple instructions.
You can also go here and post in the comments with a link to your blog. This post has been read over a million times and is a great resource. Besides, I’ve “virtually” know this guy for close to four years now, he’s not too bad.
Although this is a re-blog from the Harsh Reality/Opinionated Man Website, I need to preface with the fact that I’ve screwed up a few times and have no excuses. Four years ago at a New Years Party with my family that was hosted by my Best Man,,,, I drank too much and lost control. I blacked out,,,and the nightmare scenario of PTSD came out. I lost control and don’t remember to this day what happened or what I said. When I woke the next morning, my best friend and best man told me I had said horrible things to someone and I slinked out as quickly as I could, the family in tow. Since then, I’ve seen him and his wife exactly once. We’ve talked several times and I apologized profusely several times. But this doesn’t mend the damage or fix the bridges that I broke. But, the friendship must…
I’ve known controlled and uncontrollable rage. I think we all have. Uncontrollable rage like when we get so angry we throw our cell phone and break it. About six seconds later the regret kicks in and then a new anger… at ourselves for breaking such a precious thing! All over someone not even worth it! Fuck! What were we thinking?!? We could have thrown the blender, it is only worth $20! But then how would we make margaritas?
I’ve known controlled rage. That anger where you want to just pummel someone until they are broken like your favorite toy was. And then you are sad the toy is gone. I’ve known that rage before often and controlled it. It makes me reflect sometimes on myself.
When I was young I was taught that “a deed thought of is a deed done.” Well that scared the shit out of me. I think up some evil stuff and have thought horrible deeds in the past. That meant… I might as well of done them in the face of God. I wasn’t too sure about how I felt about that as a child. That basically meant I was on the hook for something I didn’t feel I controlled mentally. And who wants to fast from food to try and control your mind when you are twelve?
I’ve learned that my mind is a puzzle that becomes less puzzling each day. Pieces of me have become a part of what I will be, I just don’t know it yet. The piece of my mind that thinks awful thoughts and is right next to the agitated Cushman that never relaxes. I’ve stopped trying to fight them. They are just me at this point.