Daily

What do you do when you can’t go to work?

Prepare to go to work by ironing all your shirts like your mamma taught you of course!

I learned some new tricks in the military, but I’ve been doing my laundry since I was 12.

Warm warm whites, cold cold colors.

-OM

A new kind of math

Those of us with IBS or Crohn’s know the struggle. And now with limited toilet paper, there are definite decisions to make.

I’ve created a math based on need. If I go all the time I’ll quickly run out of my stores like I did eggs. So the math is simple – I use a BR, which is a bubble rate of my stomach, divided by pressure (obviously pressure in my stomach and butt), and I multiple it by the negative decrease in toilet paper. The rate I’ve come to is two times a day which is a struggle.

Now I know most medical books will say a normal human should go once a day. I’m abnormal I guess. I beat that math by 9 am and I trump the odds by lunch time. So I use this math as a litmus test to amuse myself while I count the squares I also use in the process. I’m sure some scientist is going to tell me my equation is wrong.

Well I failed math in the eighth grade… so that wouldn’t surprise me.

-OM

Not today Satan

I killed my first scorpion the other day.

I opened the garage and it tried to come inside and went under my car. I had to grab a broom to sweep it out from underneath and then stomped on it shouting “You Shall Not Pass!!!”

Not today Satan.

-OM