Leaving

I will leave when the leaves are gray and the day turns to leave me behind as well.

When all the words have been written, should be written… let them be written.

There will be no tears, fears, or sadness because they have been written in stone.

A stone so heavy it will sit here on this mountain I call a blog, a winding road of my life leading up into nothing.

Because that is what I will try to leave left unsaid, unwritten.

Nothing

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

Domain

I can reach past my domain. And find an open vein. Somewhere to hear my heart beat. And release a little bit of me.

Can I withstand. Becoming that man, again. To deny what I feel inside. To deny what is before my eyes.

I wake up to resolve. But I fall asleep by dissolving. An unfortunate balance of life. It is my daily strife.

Can I wish upon a star? Any star, just my star. Or have they all been taken from afar?

I make a candle my star.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

You Aren’t A Real Minority

I don’t know why we have to compete over who is more in need. Who is more in pain or who feels more forgotten.

“You aren’t a true minority” has been said to me countless times. It’s been said to me over my last name because now that I’m a Cushman I can’t relate to minority pain anymore. I’m white now to them.

But Asians aren’t oppressed and don’t know the struggle. We don’t? You mean the ridicule, mockery, and aggression from all you other fine races? Asians don’t get beaten, picked on, or degraded. We don’t get used for our good work ethic and the fact that Chang never complains? Really? How fucking ignorant can you be?

Asians are just as much a minority here and everywhere. We are sadly sometimes a minority in our own places of escape. The only difference between us is that you rarely see Asians complain or ask for more. You rarely see us demand equality and instead you see us work our asses off for it. For ourselves.

The next person that tells me I’m not a real minority better be prepared. I’ll tell you everything I am and everything I think you’re not.

-Opinionated Man

Jason Chandler Cushman

44.1

@smokendust

Blogger

I wake up to a sick stomach. A sour feeling that tastes like I’ve been eating kimchi all night in my sleep. It’s been known to happen.

I take a couple of these pills and crunch on a few tablets. The door of my mini fridge squeaks when I open it and I wince while quickly looking over at my sleeping wife. Most women don’t like to be woken and I’ve found they get particularly angry when it is almost any kind of chip in the bed. Maybe women hate chips? I dunno…

I drink the bottle of water I’ve gotten from the fridge while staring out of my bedroom window. The small window in between our bedroom and the bathroom has the best partial view of the mountains you can find from my home… if you look just over there in between those two more expensive homes across the street. Hey, it is what it is, and I really can’t complain since I get the most beautiful Colorado drive to work every day.

Waters done and I want a scotch. Hell I’ll settle for a double jack on ice, but it is 9:38 am. Too early for that.

Or is it…

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

Love

Could I count the ways you show me love? Far easier to measure how much I love you. It is hard to believe it has been nine years of marriage. Tracing our transitions through the hugs, shoves, tugs, and love that life gives us. It is our life, the life we have lived together.

We say “I will love you forever,” but loving forever is hard. It can be difficult to love forever and ever through whatever, but we do it through marriage. We do it through love. I don’t know how you have lasted nine years with me when I have barely lasted thirty-five years with myself.

For that alone I love you. Forever.

Happy 9th anniversary See.

Jason

44.1

@smokendust

America

The sad part is that we call ourselves the land of the free, but we are really the land of those that got here first. Those that took, made, and gambled on themselves. Economies aren’t built overnight and the systems that make those economies also take time to become working systems. The irony in all this healthcare debate is that the true culprits are the insurance companies we gave free reign to charge and create what policies they wanted in hopes that with their growth a system would grow into our growing economy at the time. And it worked. Why wouldn’t it? You basically gave insurance companies a way to bank on the healthcare of the American people and tons of people became wealthy. People are becoming wealthy off the deaths and sicknesses from your neighborhoods everyday.

One day someone asked “who is actually paying attention to who regulates what home loans are approved? Why are people being approved for home loans they could never afford?” From those questions came new home loan policies which is a good thing. There was a time, around 2008 or so, when I thought our market was going to collapse. Architects couldn’t find work and people weren’t buying new homes. Now in 2017 that is all just a bad dream, but for healthcare there is never a sudden cure or a change of events. Someone is always fighting a battle with health and with their healthcare daily and with the companies that are supposed to help. Like car insurance if I pay my monthly payment I should be covered. There should be no small print and it all should be clap on easy to understand. That isn’t how it is of course and that is wrong.

I said all that for a reason. This country was never built to offer “healthcare” to all citizens for free. There’s no fund for that, no current money set aside for “the long lasting life of the American People,” and honestly the government couldn’t give a shit less about us as long as we pay our taxes till the last breath and not a half gulp later. I’m a veteran and I love this country, but there are simple truths. As an adoptee, I adopted this country a long time ago. The truth of it all is that nations never adopt you back. They simply let you stay there for as long as they want and when you need to move on they make you move on. In this life or the next.

Don’t raise my taxes. Take some of the thousands we already pay you each year, match it with the hundreds I never see from my pay check. Tax the large corporations the same percentage you tax me and then give EVERYONE HEALTHCARE! So easy.

-Opinionated Man

Jason C. Cushman

@smokendust

44.1