That night

I found out the name of my birth mom and sister and the world seemed to change. I aged a lifetime in a moment and each moment brought a different feeling. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live anymore, it wasn’t depression… it was a realization of how small I was in the world. The world had never felt bigger.

I remember walking the beach of Busan and drinking a bottle of whisky till it had run. I drank like I was 50, yet I was only 18 and unsure if I should even be drinking at all. I just knew the warmth from that liquor brought a warmth I had lost and I still feel a piece missing that I had never knew was gone. It’s like waking up from a dream and realizing nightmares exist.

Have you ever read how the suffering will write that they never knew when the suffering began?

I’m different.

I remember the day, the hour, the moment those emotions were bred. It’s a struggle I feel every day.

It’s a battle I’ll fight forever.

-OM

44.1

25 thoughts on “That night

  1. Its a struggle that I deal with as well. I may have been older when I found the name of my mother and brothers, but I remember that day for eternity.

    Stay safe and strong for the family you made. Family are those that cry, fight, hold, and stay with you no matter what.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’d send you a virtual hug, but I seem to remember you’re not into hugging so I’m sending you whatever hug-equivalent works for you! Hope you and your family stay safe 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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