I found out the name of my birth mom and sister and the world seemed to change. I aged a lifetime in a moment and each moment brought a different feeling. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live anymore, it wasn’t depression… it was a realization of how small I was in the world. The world had never felt bigger.
I remember walking the beach of Busan and drinking a bottle of whisky till it had run. I drank like I was 50, yet I was only 18 and unsure if I should even be drinking at all. I just knew the warmth from that liquor brought a warmth I had lost and I still feel a piece missing that I had never knew was gone. It’s like waking up from a dream and realizing nightmares exist.
Have you ever read how the suffering will write that they never knew when the suffering began?
I remember the day, the hour, the moment those emotions were bred. It’s a struggle I feel every day.
It’s a battle I’ll fight forever.