Why I hate baseball

“Hey Jason! Go play right outfield!”

Ok coach!

I don’t know how long baseball games last, but I can tell you how long I imagined they lasted as a child. I had to play baseball because I was growing up in Tennessee and all my friends were.

I learned some things though.

Outfield is a lonely field. It is a awful place they send the guys not fast enough for first and not cool enough to pitch. You only got to catch if you were friends with the pitcher, which made sense really… there was like a structure here. I didn’t fit in again.

There were things to do in the field though, like finding four leaf clovers! That’s not a bad usuage of your time and they bring you luck and an opportunity to brag to Caleb on the bench about how you found one and are now luckier than him. There were cars passing by, I can see them now, because we played on a single field in the neighborhood by our school. There weren’t fancy sports complexes yet for us midtown boys, but we’d all heard the rumors about the sportsplex being built in Germantown. Those burb boys always have the best stuff.

But what more do you need than a brown patch of dirty, some gloves, a ball… did you bring the ball Tim?

Good.

And the bat which never seems to be your turn enough…

We’d spend days broiling because it is the humid south, but that never stopped us from playing. When we graduated to the need to use a cup I was done. It is bad enough you want me to bake in the sun, but now I felt like my nuts were broiling too. I hated it.

I stopped playing baseball in elementary school. All I have now are memories of hot days and getting hit in the face with the ball once. That’s one of those memories you never lose.

-Opinionated Man

Jason

44.1

@smokendust

 

21 thoughts on “Why I hate baseball

  1. Unluckily I never got the chance to play baseball. But my memories become alive when I retrospect those sunny days when I played basketball in my school. That dribbling, throwing the ball in the net & betting with my friends- all these past memories are still in my mind to sizzle my body.

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  2. Aww my dad is forcing my little brother to play football and he told me he hates it but my dad keeps making him play. I feel sad because I know he feels the way you did! I hope he can get through it okay like you did.

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  3. // I stopped playing baseball in elementary school. All I have now are memories of hot days and getting hit in the face with the ball once. That’s one of those memories you never lose. //

    Funny thing, that is the reason I learned to hate baseball to. I’vr never been hit in the face persay, but none the less . . . I ain’t taking the chance!

    Fuck Baseball.

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  4. Soccer now 😉 who the hell is having a ghost drilling goal to be hollered to stop! You listen I was already benched for not being fast with the ears;) because again blind hero this time is pursued by a very fat bitch of a yellow jacket wanting a peek at my eye… bumble, bumble.

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      • Okay now badminton is only for chasing girlfriends- volleyball actually fun if you can bounce the bleep ball off your face in the correct direction. Football pops only shows to the game I’m turned into super man by the right guard… or sis has a siezure … ( trust me, you want me for my safety to fail at football but talk about eyes wide sports not eyes wide insurance! ). Basketball in detroit (visit) is a hoot till the beer and a polite benching because fun isn’t the same for me as ‘real.’ Darts and uncoordinated blind atoppedness is just not a talent. Billiard/pool I call my missed shots for this reason… you’ll hate it… I win more games because of error eight sank! Be on my side and you’ll hustle half the dives drunk ( I carry a Medicare card proof enough I can’t see). Shuffleboard … it’s going down! Then off… shhh! Trivia.. good. Warbling out of tune karaoke Elvis? There technically is enough beer… don’t risk it. Slap jack /spit/a$$hole I can both lie and cheat and recognize cards rather too well lulling fools in. I avoid the whiskey bar punch machine as well I know I’m a sissy feather. Horseshoes as long as you like cussing and beer. (Wear a helmet). (It wasn’t… too personal!!). Dancing? Only in store aisles with strangers! Hockey, talk to sis and there isn’t enough insurance. Catalpa tree whip war? Prepare to become the slave of my dreams! (Do not play with autistic souls it becomes unfun as you don’t straight face jerk! And or those with no turn off button… I.e. This game is quite the disaster if it becomes spot the serial killer). Bike jumping lame as I hate extracting the handle bars out of my guts) skiing whee! I usually avoid the trees people however are fair game skateboarding only means love of ice. Snowboarding is great til my choices to stop are a$$ or face. That should cover a variety of competition with one exception of note I am bettably good at air hockey.

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  5. I didn’t understand mechanics it was all dream catches or hits and cheering to me. Oh I got both I fought long enough. I mean cant place the last year I played. But it was softball. A real pitch at least! To hit. That game to illustrate is 16 pitches 2 hits 1 ground out and I’ll never see the same again as poorly as I always did I got an eye full of a not so soft softball which truly took 45 minute for the moon of vision to return full. I was vouched in to a supposedly friendly all church game vouched into everyone invited… heh get that picture too?… you won’t find it surprising that I didn’t know on my own this what’s an open invitation not extended your way? Yes your blind hero of the game ran his run in the pinch runner for me taken out at first safe! The game to our side. What you didn’t hear was the open disgust of my peer agers I existed mine and the posing side. As you see I hit good enough. No no fences! Just dependably on nothing came my way in the weeds.

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  6. Being from Tennessee, I understand exactly what you mean. Our work had a softball team for a couple of years. I was basically only asked to fill out the roster and was told to let them strike me out if it came up to my turn so we’d only get one out instead of double plays etc. I played in the outfield and the ONLY ball that ever came close to me actually hit me. I guess I did at least stop it. We were in our 20’s and 30’s and after several injuries including a broken wrist, we decide not to renew for the third year. I always wanted to be good at sports especially volleyball but my depth perception is horrible and I was never able to learn to compensate for it.

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  7. I played baseball for one season, most of that in the outfield. I found out a few years that I am significantly nearsighted, which impacted the quality of my performance. Yeah, I don’t have much in the way of positive memories.

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  8. Outfield sucks when you’re still a kid. It only gets funner when you get older the other kids are big and strong enough to hit it out there. I loved playing baseball and would again if I could find a team.

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