Autumn Hues

Beautiful colors and words. 🙂
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thoughts and entanglements

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autumn hues –
splash of color
chasing the blues

Pat R

10/17/17

Daily Haiku Challenge

&

OctPoWriMo

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Daily

I sometimes look through the haze of a whiskey maze and push my pen against a thought. I watch that thought tumble against another until the rattle inspires a train of thoughts that becomes a sentence. I race to type with sprinting fingers across a keyboard, across my home.

The realm between which the tips of my fingers find freedom at last.

I write the next thought just because.

Because the day is not done.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

Author Bio

I have this “About Me” page HERE that I wrote when I first started this blog. I am positive most people don’t read that page since a lot of people have said some pretty humorous things from seeing my photos or when I share a personal fact. I don’t feel a need to spill about myself in a profile when I write myself daily here (I am not important)… but I can see the need to clarify sometimes to ensure people understand the person behind the words. It isn’t a need for accolades or fame, but rather for clarity as to why you think or say a certain thing.

My name is Jason Chandler Cushman and I live close to Denver, Colorado. That means I am American, obviously. I was born Ahn Soo Jin from Pusan South Korea, at least that is what the paper says. The photo too, but photos and papers lie don’t they? As far as I know that is my name, but I have come to learn that Soo Jin is a woman’s name so either there was a mistake (because there is no mistake bodily… trust me…) or it may be an old form of the name in Chinese. The Korean woman who told me that last part said it almost sympathetically and with little optimism.

By day I work IT and by night I write. I am a father and have two kids with my wife that keep us busy… we love it! Life is pretty routine for me and my main mental escape is through my fingers and from my words. I am a real time blogger that is lazy with the edits, quick with the publish button, and a pretty horrible photographer. Pictures are a must though so I set my featured photos from my cell phone and move on.

I began blogging in 2013 because I was beginning a nightshift and needed something to occupy my time. I didn’t know what I was doing having only owned a blog on Blogger once. My mother and 3 bots were my only followers. My mom is a writer, you can find her blog HERE, and she is also an author.

I write under the pen name Opinionated Man and kept my real name off the books for around a year. One day I said… well I didn’t say anything, I just started giving my name. I even added a photo at some point so people could see I was indeed Asian. There was some speculation I wasn’t apparently. I go by Opinionated Man because it amuses me and because it is true. People call me OM for short and it makes me smile that some bloggers now refer to me as Jason. My friends in real life rarely called me that. I use the logo

which I made all fancy like in Microsoft paint. I like it… but my wife thinks I should change it. I tried to explain to her that this is MY logo at this point. I might even put it on a shirt one day.

They say “you need a platform” before you write a book. But what if you have never written a book and you build that platform first. What if you do all that work and the book sucks? Would that make all the doing worth it? The funny part is had there been WordPress ads in 2013 or had I owned a self hosted site at the time… I could have made thousands off the views I gained from my main site and never needed to write a book. It was a lot of networking and I thought it was a pretty sure thing… unfortunately not all things work out. You move on, you rework, or you give up. I’ve given up on tons of things in my life. I didn’t feel like giving up on this blog.

This website was never meant to be anything more than a sounding board for my thoughts. A place where I could scream. People have judged it and what I do. What I say and what my opinions are. I am sure if I could read over a layout of their morals, ethics, and opinions I’d find a few I hated as well and that is life. That is the beauty of humanity really… we are all different. Blogging is a place where we get to show how different we are in whatever form we want to. Some share photography, amazing photos of places I will never visit. Others are baking up treats and making food I want to bite off the screen. It is WordPress and it is blogging. It is why I have a site and why I share the sites of others.

I am 36 years old and I feel I have seen a lot. I know everyone says that and I know that many have a right to say it. I work a daily job, but I love to write. I don’t care what I am writing and my goal is normally to make people smile. I am human and this hasn’t always been the case. Like my growth in blogging, I’ve grown as a person over the past four years. When I started on this platform I saw lots of posts and lots of separate groups, no community, and everyone wanted to be this “Freshly Pressed” thing. Now when I look out across the world of WordPress I see a lot more connection. I see friends of friends of friends sharing their work and it makes me smile. I don’t claim any hand in those connections being made, but I can’t help but appreciate the shared value in what I have always worked to create. It will be something I miss if I ever move on to another hobby.

Jason Chandler Cushman

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

Gambling

I like the poetry I am finding on this blog. Check it out! -OM
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Scribbled to Paper

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It’s risky business to love someone
and expect to be loved back.
It’s risky business to love someone
and hope they love you, too.
But if you ever find a good, brother,
and you let her go, you’d be a fool.

Lost and confused,
Run up and run down.
You’ve been left in the dust
with nothing but a frown.
It’s risky business to love someone,
and expect to be loved back.
When you let your heart go,
you may never get it back.

You started out happy,
you ended confused.
You used to dance the disco
now your strumming away the blues.
It’s risky business to love someone,
and expect to be loved back.
You got to throw all your chips in,
and you never know when you might lose.

I came home from work
with dinner on the table,
a nice warm kiss and
my favorite show on…

View original post 73 more words

A Cause

Would I ever know a cause.
That sheds a light past the light.
And cease this neverending fall.
By putting myself in a fight.

Can I carry this banner.
This great display of our dismay.
I wave it above the clamor.
Our deed in open display.

Should I share your concern.
Your words, not mine.
What will I have earned?
Must be the last thought of mine.

Jason C. Cushman
-Opinionated Man
44.1
@smokendust
October 17

Some thoughts

Unedited

I don’t get why companies try so hard to push their employees to donate their hard earned money to charities. During the workday. That baffles me because essentially you are asking me to donate money I’m making at work, while working to make that same money. Why don’t I just go online and order some stuff instead since I’m using money I don’t have.

In the past lots of companies have included me in company wide announcements for “great opportunities” to give! Often I can’t help roll my eyes and think why don’t these six figure bosses donate for us? Why am I using my money when I’m struggling pay check to pay check and even more importantly, don’t send out an update showcasing those employees “with a heart” who have donated the most. Helga doesn’t have kids so that’s not a fair comparison.

We saw a bald eagle yesterday, there is a protected natural habitat of theirs near my home at Stanley Lake, and you don’t see them often! I guess I just told everyone for the first time where I live… I imagine there are a lot of Stanley lakes though so the chances of us meeting around it are slim. If we see one another just don’t touch me…

You know when you are a father things change. And when you have children they change again. And as they grow older things change still. They start to notice and ask “why is daddy always going to the garage?” You can’t fool kids forever and I don’t want my kids seeing me smoking. I witnessed it a ton as a child growing up in Mississippi and Tennessee. Everyone smoked at one point it seemed. Heck they still smoked inside in a lot of places to this day that I went to in and around Jackson, granted that was several years ago. I hated it and the smell until I turned 15 and my friends and I started smoking rolled up leaves in paper to blow smoke rings and be cool. We got in trouble because someone told on us, I suspect Gary time traveled somehow and narced on me. I didn’t learn my lesson and I became an occasional smoker and constant quitter almost immediately. One summer when I was 15 or 16, my brother gave me a carton of Marlboros… I gave him a nervous laugh back, took one pack and gave the rest away. When I was seventeen and lonely, I smoked with Mary on the roof of our house after my parents went to bed. We smoked together again in her Pontiac, the same car she was driving several months later when a drunk driver hit her and stole her life. I smoked several packs after that.

After I found out about my birth mom and what she did to me I smoked the most unsatisfying cigarette outside on the streets of Pusan. But it was one of the most memorable smokes of my life as I contemplated what a life it was. I smoked on those same streets a second time three years later after her second rejection and I still hadn’t figured anything out.

I’ve never been a pack a day guy. A pack has always lasted me a week unless that week was during college. I smoked a ton, but I was also getting closer to god everyday and it just goes together… a kool light. I would carry two packs around in those days, one pack was for me and another was a pack of Virginia slims for anyone wanting to bum a smoke. I’m an asshole. Those were the days though… the days of forgetting other days.

I’m at a different point in my life and I don’t want my kids to see me smoking. No more garage for me… or at least we’ll start that journey now. That was a long thought.

Jason