1 – I won’t ride on a motorcycle behind you Gary. That just ain’t me…
2 – When people yell “who wants to be a hero?” I don’t raise my hand. Don’t heroes die? I’m good in the audience.
3 – I don’t share food. I don’t understand why people think I’m joking. I’ll buy you food. I won’t share MY food. I mean… this better be some pretty crazy shit going on for me to half my burger.
4 – I don’t camp. I’m 35 and I will never sleep on the ground again unless a world war breaks out, zombies spring up and take over, or those asshole aliens from nebulous finally arrive. I don’t do the ground or nature. I’ve been an orphan before and honestly, nature hates us. They even attack the advocates! What more proof do you really need?
5 – “You’ll be the first to ____.” Nope! Better sign Gary. Fuck that, how dumb do I look?
6 – So we are going to run with the bulls! Um… excuse me? Have you ever YouTubed that running with the bulls shit? Hell no. Hell no. I’d rather run from the cops.
7 – Ok this one is a serious one. If you don’t wash your hands in the bathroom I don’t share food with you. I don’t care what god we are honoring or who we are breaking bread for… wash your hands! That’s fucking gross.
8 – I ran out of things because I wrote the title before the post. Man… fuck you title.
9 – I reread this and realized how many people will probably unsubscribe because of it. But it is fuck it Wednesday so…
10 – We need a 10 or someone will sue for false advertising. Gary. So 10 is that I want to leave a shout out. I miss you bacon.
Drank the margarita and feeling great. Errrr no one will read this…