I cannot walk a beach without walking back to the year 2000. Any day turns to that night, that night in Busan as I walked by my shadows and demons. I wanted to walk into the ocean forever and ever. I wanted to die.
You never forget your steps no matter how many more you take. Each new motion towards a step is started with the remembrance of a past step. Sometimes I wish I could remove a hundred steps from my life. Sometimes I miss the three years I don’t remember. Other times I hope I never remember a day of that life.
I see myself in the waves. A younger self, what a fool he was. He walks by a shadow he thinks is his mom.
But it isn’t.
It is his own and will be forever.