Pain

I cannot walk a beach without walking back to the year 2000. Any day turns to that night, that night in Busan as I walked by my shadows and demons. I wanted to walk into the ocean forever and ever. I wanted to die.

You never forget your steps no matter how many more you take. Each new motion towards a step is started with the remembrance of a past step. Sometimes I wish I could remove a hundred steps from my life. Sometimes I miss the three years I don’t remember. Other times I hope I never remember a day of that life.

I see myself in the waves. A younger self, what a fool he was. He walks by a shadow he thinks is his mom.

But it isn’t.

It is his own and will be forever.

-OM

44.1

@smokendust

23 thoughts on “Pain

  1. Pingback: The Weekly Headlines – My Daily Musing

  2. Raw and Beautiful Jason. I look back and see my past as almost belonging to someone else in parts. Like it was someone else I’m thinking about.
    We all have a past Jason. How we handle it is one of the things that determines who we are today.
    Remembering is ok. Just don’t let it Weight you down. I beat myself up for my past for years, until I finally was able to see it for what it is… the past.
    Take care Jason.

    Liked by 1 person

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