Depression

I do not know about depression, I can only tell you my own. How it unfolds like night and day, with just enough light allowed to make me hope for another night. I hate the shallow depression. That inch deep feeling of being off but you don’t know what is off. You can’t explain it even to yourself and that paradox drives you mad. I find myself talking to myself a lot lately. With added work stress and that thing over there they call life… you feel like there is no escape from the bubble you have created. But no one hears the voice inside of me. That’s a personal chamber and I work to keep it to myself. I talk to myself there and we talk about everything. We gossip, we judge, we wonder whether the last thing we said to that person was the right thing or should we have said this instead. It is my wall, it is me, it is my mind. How crowded it has seemed lately. I have had no time to blog, read the books on my list, and I barely have time for my family. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Or is that Gary with a flashlight…
-OM

44.1

@smokendust

44 thoughts on “Depression

  1. I definitely feel where you’re coming from. I’ve yet to have a clinical diagnosis, but everything you described is how I feel quite frequently lately. I plan on speaking to someone about it and try to find the best ways to deal with it. I definitely agree with the part about not writing. I’ve had no motivation to write, blog, read or do anything I enjoy due to the stress, anxiety and temporary depression (sometimes a combination of all 3) I experience.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that things get better for you! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I want to say I’ve been there, and I have, but it is such a very personal, and specific malady. Each episode is unique. And the very best people I know will understand this post. Thanks for sharing. This may be just the time to write more, not less.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am fortunate in never having suffered from Clinical Depression, mine is more a reaction to external forces that send me into a (greatfully) temporary depression. My current is due to my physical health (or lack thereof), and I know that once they are able to settle on meds that address those issues that I will, again, recover. I can only empathize with those who truly suffer from CD.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Indeed we do. The human body / psyche is a fragile environment to house God’s greatest creation. I read an article recently about cancer with the conclusion that the majority of cancers are triggered not by controllable forces (smoking, asbestos, etc.) but by cellular mutation, when a cell is created with the “right” mutation from its original that it becomes cancerous. The same is true for most diseases (physical or mental), we have no control over the original trigger, but are left to suffer the consequences.

        Liked by 1 person

          • Sore subject. The Men-In-White are working to find a treatment for my current malady, thus far everything they’ve tried has had worse side effects than the original problem. The last one we caught just in time before it morphed into a fatal issue (spent Saturday night in the ER). Now I have recover from the cure before they can try the next weapon in their arsenal. Oddly enough, the medication I am on to counteract the side effects is a treatment for the original problem, but its side effects are so bad that you can’t be on it for more than a few months at a time.

            Liked by 1 person

  4. “you feel like there is no escape from the bubble you have created. But no one hears the voice inside of me. That’s a personal chamber and I work to keep it to myself.”
    This hit home. I can relate. Very good read thank you for this πŸ’œ

    Liked by 1 person

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