Writing Pain

I found myself writing pain today. Trying to scribble all the feelings I feel inside before I die. I felt no release from it.

They say when the pen hand stays you should feel some accomplishment. All I feel is a rumble in my heart as I unearth emotions I have buried.

I see my hate. And my anger. Hammer and steel they are and have become, the building blocks of all I knew for a time. I see hope as well. A desolate picture of a glass that is never empty. And never full.

My wife asks me occasionally when I will write a best seller. People on my blog that know the written me wonder when I’ll share my story. And as I struggle to write it, I wonder what’s the point.

You’ll get release! No release, even as I release myself. What pleasure from seeing your name on bound cover! No pleasure comes without the pain. My hand shakes with resolve, but what resolve is it?

I’ve written for fun. I have shared parts of my life in bite sized pieces made of blog. I have written enough to let people know that I am indeed real. Must I bleed as well?

Jason

-OM

44.1

23 thoughts on “Writing Pain

  1. Hi OM, you’ve got no limits so let it flow! I remember my mum once tried to “sensor” my blog. “Ooo Heather, you can’t write {Blah} or you can´t say {blah} about {blah}” First time it happened I was really gobsmacked, Who is she to tell me what to say anymore?! I informed her about free speech and how in the past, members of our family fought for that. She didn´t get it and continued to pick. Eventually I told her if she don´t like it then don´t read it. She shut up years ago, yet still reads my ramblings lol. No Limits, definitely No Limits!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand how you feel about the “bleed” of publishing. I got satisfaction, relief, but mostly recognition and awareness from writing out the painful stuff. I have shared just a small percentage of it with others. I don’t see the point in going truly public with it. For me, it was a more personal exercise. That was enough. Keep sharing up to your comfort level, Jason, you do it well. And we are listening. 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope you feel that release soon. I do get a feeling of relief from writing it out, though I don’t show all of it to others. I don’t know if publishing will help, maybe in some ways but I think the real satisfaction for me is sharing with someone else and they say, hey, me too! And understand…Never felt that from my family, and I don’t feel it from them now, even the ones that I stay in touch with do not know me, or ask real questions about me.

    I’ve been on here about 2 years and admire you for being transparent. I’m sure you’ve helped others, even if they dont’ talk back to you.

    Just some thoughts I had after reading your post.

    -Rose

    Liked by 2 people

    • I agree with Rose. The ‘hey me too!’ response from your writing means that you have let us into a sliver of your world. I feel like this community of bloggers creates an ideal environment for expression and creativity. It’s not as scary as mailing a letter to the local paper and having it printed or getting the dreaded rejection.

      “I have shared parts of my life in bite sized pieces made of blog.” You work at a pace that astounds me. Thank you for continuing to blog come hell or high water, ‘wherever you may go, we will follow.’

      Norman Gimbel wrote the English lyrics, but the music was composed by Franck Pourcel/J.W. Stole. I remember it from Sister Act and Ricky Nelson, though I guess it is a song that has circled the globe a couple times… I’m rambling.

      I agree, processing pain through writing is exhausting and does stir up repressed emotions. Do you want to have a best seller? Or, are you processing as you go. You’re the only one who can judge your work.

      Goodnight.

      -ASR

      Liked by 1 person

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