I give people 24 hours to fix their mistakes and they don’t take it. You guys must want me to turn ugly. Doesn’t it feel wrong or is it just so easy to copy and paste someone else’s work? Didn’t your mother teach you not to steal? Did you copy homework in school? Did you take photos off the internet and use them as your own in college? No? So why in the fuck do you people think it’s right to do in the blogosphere? Because bloggers aren’t real writers? Because my words aren’t bound by a cover? Do I need to buy a giant copyright symbol for my damn site? I swear bloggers make me want to stop sharing my work for free sometimes. Grow the fuck up.
It is hard to accept we have given up on something. Sometimes the release is necessary to heal and move on. Giving up has never been an action I have viewed favorable, but it is a crutch I have used in the past. It is easy to give up when you don’t care anymore. It becomes much harder when you are trying to convince yourself you don’t really care.
Part of my motivation for finally writing “my story” is due to my decision to give up on parts of my past. The hidden dream in the back of my head that I might one day have a happy reunion with my birth mother and sister was killed a long time ago. I just kept it on life support because… why not? We all need dreams and why not have one that won’t ever come true?
Neverland is never forever. One day we grow up and realize the boy we have cradled inside our mind must finally grow up. Harsh reality must be adopted for us to adopt the obvious sometimes, even when the facts are shards of pain that will never disappear. I accepted the pain a long time ago. Why can’t I accept the failure that goes with it.
I don’t remember when I gave up. I just know I have. There is an inner peace that you can find when you finally accept your reality. It takes time though to forget faces, places, and hope. Hope takes forever to die and reappears with the slightest breath of life. I will hope that my hope is truly dead and that I can bury it forever.