10 Things I Hate About You

You stand far too close to me. Are you standing this close because you heard rubbing against an Asian is good luck?

You pop your gum constantly… for hours on end. It causes me to want to climb a wall OR to go over and hit you on the back causing you to spit the gum on the floor. I would then jump up and down on that gum with petulant glee screaming “you done popping yet? ARE YOU???”

I hate how you have a new movement each week. One day you are walking around in a whale outfit and the next you are laying down in front of my SUV while I am trying to drive away saying “I am murdering the ozone.” I can’t keep up with you!

I hate how you count how many drinks I have had. I am keeping count just fine myself. I put the tops in my pocket. Let’s see I have five… ten… more than a few here apparently…

I hate how you suck the fun out of things. You don’t even need to wave a wand you seem to just absorb the fun in the room. I bet if you bumped into a clown you would kill him by contact.

I hate that you are from a different country and think that you know how “America is” because you have visited here once. I have lived here for 30 years and I still don’t understand this batshit country.

I hate that you have a sign that says “Pro-Choice, Abortion Rights” in one hand and in the other you have “Save the Dolphins.” Fuck the dolphins.

I hate people telling me not to say the word “hate.” I love saying hate because everything else is not worth mentioning.

I hate your perfect sentence because I didn’t write it.

I hate people that are famous for being famous. Naming no names here, but it makes me jealous as hell.

-OM

@smokendust

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45 thoughts on “10 Things I Hate About You

  1. That third one down:
    It seems just about every other person I run into is on a crusade of some kind, or has committed themselves to some ideology of some sort, or has committed themselves to some cult-like lifestyle, or has vowed to dedicate themselves to a strict healthy “all-natural” diet.
    You turn on the news and hear about yet another “marathon for the cure”, or some march to protest a new law certain factions are not okay with.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hate people that go on about the rights of gay marriage, then act like you’re silly to marry the man you love after being together for 12 years and having an 8 year old son. Why not?!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your abortion vs dolphin statement reminds me of a news story I saw this morning. A woman may face jail time because she abandoned her sick dog. My first thought was – But had she murdered a baby in the womb, she would have been sent away with a congratulatory pat on the back for making such a great choice….for herself. Let a dog die? God forbid! Kill a baby? The more the merrier. It’s sickening.

    Liked by 2 people

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