The War on Adoption

There is a war going on that many people have no clue about. You would only know if you were part of certain social groups or on certain media platforms. Even though this war is not on the headlines of CNN or Fox News, it is a war nonetheless and it matters a great deal to certain people. The war on adoption has many sides and no sides at all. It is a deeply personal subject that makes people personally see only their truth. That is what makes the war on adoption the never-ending war.

It is hard to solidify what the cause of this war is. Adoption is a good thing, a selfless act of giving that is cause for joy and celebration. The problem is there are groups and people that will be offended by that statement alone. To these people adoption is not a good thing and is anything but “selfless.” They view adoption as the buying of children, the selfish act of “wannabe parents” preordering their child, and that adoption takes the limelight away from the children who are truly in need… those in foster care.

What these people miss is that all children of abandonment are important. Although some humans take a good thing and use it for evil purposes, that does not mean we instantly consider that thing (adoption) as evil. If this were the case there would be nothing relatively “good” in this world anymore because humans are remarkable at tainting the best of things. We can’t afford to view things that may possibly be used in the wrong way as wrong simply because of that possibility. How is that fair or even a fair way of viewing the world?

I take long breaks from Facebook because I have many bloggers added on that platform. Because I am an adoptee and I discuss adoption, I also have contacts from both sides of this argument on my reader. I like to know what the other side thinks. One of the hardest things for an adoptee to feel is sympathy for a birth parent that gives their child away. Even with facts that sometimes these women are pressured into giving their children away, we still can’t accept that possibility as a “pass” on what was done to us. It is even worse for those adoptees that know for sure they were willingly given up by the one that should have cared the most. It creates a great deal of pressure on us to think a certain way because what causes more encouragement than the pressure of pain…

I understand the side of the birth mom. I understand the side of an adoptee. I understand that foster children deserve a chance. I also understand that foster kids, like adoptees, are all children of abandonment. We all deserve a chance if life were fair. The unfairness of the world doesn’t make me view adoption in a dimmer light. If anything it makes me support adoption even more. No amount of stories, “adoption experts,” or percentages will alter my view that adoption is still a good thing. I find it strange that some people are so set on making the world think so.

My life as an adoptee does not make my truth on adoption. My brain, my thoughts, my opinions, and my experience with all adoptees creates my perception on what adoption truly is. It is not the worst story you can find or even the best one that defines adoption. Adoption is defined by the life an adoptee lives and the story that comes from the family they are now a part of. That is the truth of adoption and one truth doesn’t make the book. I have grown wary of listening to adoption experts or people that claim to know it all. I have lived the life of an adoptee and lived through the rejection of a birth mother. I still don’t know it all. I still don’t know myself.

Jason Chandler Cushman

Ahn Soo Jin

-Opinionated Man

44.1

@smokendust

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10 thoughts on “The War on Adoption

  1. I think from the experience in our family, adopting a child as an infant is more sure of success than after four or so. Supposedly the formative years are between one and three. If that’s true, then it explains some problems. We have three adopted children in our family and each case is very different.

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  2. Thanks for sharing such a personal part of you…I was not an adoptee but I was part of the group that had a drug addicted mother that exposed to me many hardships. I pretty much raised myself…Can I say it was the best thing that she kept me; no, but can I say it defined me? Yes, to some extent. What I can say is that I am 34 years old and finally have had the pleasure to build a lasting relationship for the past 6 years with my mom. It took a lot to let go of the hurt and anger to which I am sure you are aware of. I am for adoption ; I have two beautiful daughters that are walking miracles. If given the opportunity; I would love to adopt a son…Bottom line is you are doing a good thing. People like to point out their view despite them not truly having any merit to stand on. Keep doing you!

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  3. I’m sorry, I went on such a rant that I didn’t say how much I love this post. I wish I would have had the chance to really talk to my older sister, but we were kids when things went sour and now I haven’t seen her in over 8 years…reading your post made me see into some of the things she has felt. Thank you

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  4. I was not adopted, but my older sister was adopted into my family when I was 2-3 and she was 5-6…its a long story with so many layers….what I learned was that adoption is hard on everyone involved because it is not something that any child deserves to go through. My sister was hurting and as we got older, she turned that pain into hurting me… In a perfect world, every child would be with their biological parents, but when that parent is an unhealthy risk for a childs livelihood, that’s when it is a blessing to a family. Rather that family just wants to to help children, cannot physically have children of their own, or what! I don’t regret anything, no matter the pain she caused me, now that I am older, I am able to forgive her.

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  5. My mom put her son up for adoption. He found her when he was 30 or something like that. He loved his adoptive parents. It was very interesting to watch and hear how each felt. There must be a constant “why” that goes on in the child and later adult’s mind. Why didnt she keep me, how did she feel when she gave me up, what would have my life been. My mothers son said his sister was also adopted, when she found her biological family it was not as joyous as it was when mom’s son found her. It doesn’t really matter how other people feel. It matters how you feel on the subject. You were adopted. It matters how that makes you feel. Other people’s opinions really have no bearing. They shouldn’t. I dont think. .i know of women who gave their baby away after getting pregnant after rape. As i understand why, as that child that sure would be awful to ever know. Just so many pieces. Thanks for sharing it from an adoptees point of view

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