Empty

Sadness sits like an empty bottle. A falling bottle that tumbles away from my failing hand. Bottles fall like dominoes before my want. A want greater than any need. Even as my hand fails to succeed, still there is the need. Still there is the want.

I have drowned your memory in endless alcohol. Piling memories on top of your memory, I stack a barrier between myself and the past. Even as I drink from waiting glass, I feel you again at last. A feeling that is never felt. A feeling that is always there.

How many bottles make a couple? Shattering the feeling of loneliness by accepting a lonely feeling. I accept myself, I accept myself. I line the shots up in a row to match my desire. A desire to know my beginning and my ending. Starting with the first until I reach the end. I feel the last bottle is near.

-OM

44.1

IMG_2955

13 thoughts on “Empty

  1. So very touching, and I can feel and relate to every line and every word of this right now, more than you can ever possibly imagine! For people to say that it is “only” to get a grp and to get with the programme, etc, it is clear that they may never have experienced some deep levels of pain (yet). For years now, I have been carrying an inhumane level of pain caused by emotional abuse by a narcissist that is completely without human conscience, empathy, regret, caring, or love, and I am ashamed to say that this experience has hit me so extremely hard that I have sometimes resorted to alcohol when the pain is enormous like a mountain, just to get through until the next day….

    I thank you, OM, for posting this relatable and very human post. I just myself posted a post today about our humanity and the frail and “pathetic” sort of ways that we try to get by, which is, in my mind, beautiful, in many ways.

    I do hope that this sorrow of yours can be dealt with in time, and I offer you my sympathy, such as it is, here in cyber space… hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Empty — HarsH ReaLiTy | Life, the Obstacle Course

  3. Sounds like you’re desperate to drown out the memories of your own past pains, and, it’s NOT healthy, both physically, or emotionally/psychologically, to use a substance to numb yourself out, you just need to free yourself from the past that’s kept you bound all these years, and, you will then, finally, feel free…

    Liked by 2 people

Share your opinion

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s