Blogs are here for us to vent right? I’ve used mine for that reason because this website reflects my life. It shows what I’m thinking about.
This Korean adoption story is really hitting me. I feel like it is also a sign I should find time to start doing some real writing again. His story is all of our story because it is the struggle. It is our lives.
I’ve stopped imagining what a happy ending would be like. People would send me stories all the time about adoptees reuniting with their birth mothers. They stopped when I just wouldn’t respond back. You can watch a million happy endings and it doesn’t create one for you. It just makes you fucking sad.
I hope this guy can reunite with his birth mother and they can help each other. Forty years is a long, long time though for wounds to fester and I don’t know the mindset of this guy. I can only guess. I hope he is in a better place by the end of his journey and his kids also get to be reunited with him.
I know my hate. After thirty five years of growth, thirty two years of adoption, five years of true struggle, and many years to come of acceptance… I know my hate. I know why I hate my birth mom and I know why that hate isn’t going anywhere. It reappears with the morning and ferments with an evening glass of wine. It is a part of me, how it is a part of me. We deserve each other because of all we have been through and happy endings don’t matter to us. They are only in stories.
Jason Chandler Cushman
Ahn Soo Jin