How to Find Your “True” Subscriber Number!


1 – Subtract the number of Jims and Johns from the overall subscriber number on your blog. Jims and Johns don’t count.

2 – Announce you are going to die in three days and see how many people wish you a happy birthday. Those aren’t your real subscribers…

3 – Write for four years under the pen Opinionated Man and then one day switch to Opinionated Woman. If no one calls you on it you literally have zero true followers.

4 – Take your subscriber number and divide it by two. Subtract ten from the number you got and then multiply by one hundred. Repeat these steps until you feel like you have the right answer.

5 – Steal someone else’s number?

6 – Announce a free giveaway that requires no entry! If no one signs up you may need to get out and network a little more. People can’t resist free.

7 – Finally visit some of your commenters. If you end up on a site for penis enlargement… you can go ahead and subtract that person from your follower list. That is probably spam unless you like those sites like someone I know…

8 – Go ahead and subtract anyone with the letters “SEO” in their name. They probably aren’t here for you.

9 – You can’t really count Christian bloggers as followers. They only follow one person… and you aren’t him.

10 – Follow all your followers in real life to ensure they are real people. I’ve been following Gary for days and the guy doesn’t do anything interesting… but apparently he is real…

-Opinionated Woman




44 thoughts on “How to Find Your “True” Subscriber Number!

  1. Hm. Do alter-egos count as 1 or 2? How about blogs run by animals – can we count the number of paws? Can we consider those deposed kings as real followers if we don’t have to wait too long for that money? Is there any such thing as a loyal follower, or do, say 5 of them at a time, simply jump from one blog to another and back again? Do the WordPress stats mean anything at all?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Once again you’re on fire! I’ve been mulling the ins and outs of the “likes” and comments we all hope for – some days I’m overwhelmed with the connections that are created and other days I’m left feeling like I’m the only one out in the blogging world “liking” and commenting. Just today I decided to” keep on keeping on” as long as it brings me joy and you have made me smile with this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can’t believe you failed to say something about anyone who is a fan of Tom What’s-his-name. that’s like a subtract 40 for each one of those.

    and I brushed off that “Jim” comment because I figured you got caught by your wife with not walking your dog. and I won’t even say anything about how the dog has pink ribbons in its hair.

    Liked by 1 person

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