I manage pain by managing where I feel the pain. It is not a matter of if when it comes to the struggle. It is simply a matter of when we will struggle with the struggle. There is no winning in this contest of will because it is our will against us. It is ourselves that we fight.
I drink a drink until there is nothing left of me. Until the anger has died and the pain has retreated for another day. It never leaves, it never flees. It simply decides to be somewhere else for the moment and I appreciate that moment as long as it lasts. As long as it lets me.
I have never been a cutter, but I have loved to bleed. I have romanced the rush of feelings that come as swiftly as only pain can. As only man-made pain can make you feel. Bleeding regret until there is only bliss, I have felt that need inside of me. You never see as clearly as you do when you are in pain. The clarity is so bright it makes your eyes die to reality and all you feel is the fantasy you have created. I love it.
You manage your happiness while I manage my pain. You manage your smiles while I find ways to smile. We learn to live within ourselves because we are the only lives we get.
So I move the pain around and make room for living.
Another day to breath, another day to feel… another day to feel the pain inside of me.