1 – Some people hate to argue by phone and I really don’t understand why. Hanging up after making a “winning point” in an argument is the easiest way to always win! Just don’t pick up when they call back.
2 – I have found support groups provide a great deal of motivation and encouragement in an argument, the problem is we don’t always have those around. I’ve solved this by always tricking people into walking with me into situations where I anticipate a debate. I then bribe my “friends” with cookies to gain their applause when I make more “winning points” than the other person.
3 – It is almost impossible to avoid confrontation on Facebook these days. It seems like the most innocuous statement will warrant the biggest backlash. The way to always win on Facebook is to never allow them to argue back! You do this by creating a screen capture of their comment you disagree with, creating a new post on their wall with your aggressive response, and then defriending them and blocking their account so they can’t respond! Perfect!
4 – I once responded to a letter in a foreign language that even I didn’t know. By the time the person had translated the letter, figured out what the hell I was talking about, and formed a response… they had given up altogether. Win – Win!
5 – If you are really desperate to win you can always respond with your retort and then fake a heart attack. Those tend to give you a “buy” on all current areas of contention.
6 – Change your verbal argument into a dance battle and start that bad boy off. Your opponent won’t know what hit them!
7 – If a “friend with benefits” starts an argument offer to date them, if a girlfriend starts an argument offer to marry her, and if a wife starts an argument let her know you have a new girlfriend. Everything really just works itself out from there.
8 – If people start arguing your posts or comments with bullet points for each of your sins just go back and edit the entire post off their list… then ask them what the problem is.
9 – Claim you were just joking or turn off your hearing aid. You can’t stand corrected if you can’t hear.
10 – The easiest way to win an argument these days is obvious because we see people do it daily. Just act offended. Offended by losing, offended by their shoes, offended by their race… whatever works right? If you are offended you can’t be wrong apparently.