For Men Only – Relationship Advice

Men I’ve been reading some relationship blogs out of boredom and I’ve seen some confusion over things that should be common knowledge.

I saw a post wondering why women wear “seasonal colors,” and I stopped myself from sharing the obvious. “Seasonal color” is simply code for a woman’s ninja outfit of the month. You know how women, wives, and significant others seem to appear out of nowhere? It isn’t magic and it isn’t David Copperfield. Women are ninjas and corporately they are backed by department stores that willingly sell their uniforms daily. It is a global trend, culture, and it is frightening.

No really it is frightening. When women sneak up on you and you get so upset you spill a little Stella on your shirt and play it off because of the game. That is nerve wracking! That is relationship drama men and we have to stick together within our networks to share battle plans.

I of course have a few suggestions, but my disclaimer is that… it is your ass.

First I would randomly paint the house different colors so that we disrupt this seasonal color warfare these women are culturally attacking us with. We didn’t ask to get involved and honestly we still don’t know what shoes go with your outfit. We just nod and hope it hits black.

Secondly men I recommend longer fishing trips. People need to keep getting creative with their ideas because Gary keeps using everyone’s and ruining the plan. Gary… we talked about this. And Jim if you say someone died try to remember that so you don’t reuse the name. Because people blog about your failures Jim and they drag the team down. There is no F for Failure in Teamwork ok Jim and Gary?

And thirdly we need to step up the men retreats and keep disguising them as somehow spiritually healing. I think “they” are beginning to catch on… Luckily I hung the Men Only Sign.

I’ll send the usual newsletter to the normally addresses. Don’t share them with… them…

-Opinionated Man

@smokendust

35 thoughts on “For Men Only – Relationship Advice

  1. As women, we just want to know that you think we are gorgeous no matter what. That is why we ask! I love the dry humor of this post, because I have definitely had this conversation with my man and have learned to just call my girls. I no longer care if he thinks my outfit looks good, because my confidence is what is attractive. I always suggest to women that they just don’t ask questions they do not want the answers too.

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  2. The wife and I really love this blog and appreciate the creativity and fun information you provide. If you ever decide to take this blog to the next level by offering a Mobile App version my company Zenlight would love to help for an extremely low price, we appreciate the hard work you have put into this blog and wish you all future success in business and in life.

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  3. That is hysterically funny!
    Are there actually male readers of your “For men only” posts? Not sure about that
    But you bring up a difficult topic: Which ninja outfit to choose for tomorrow O.O

    Liked by 1 person

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