Have you ever felt like you’ve been smacked in the face? Or better run over by a train? Not literally but following something someone said to you? Yes? Well, I guess you are not alone.
When Jason wrote (https://aopinionatedman.com/they) about the fact how people told him and still tell him what he should do, how he should be, what he should like and so on, I had all those flashbacks of situations I encountered in my life. There are so many people out there judging you and killing you with their expectations.
The problem is: They don’t think it’s wrong. They think they do the right thing.
They are so convinced that their way of seeing things is the right one, that they completely forget the fact that everyone is different.
When we live our lives we encounter all sort of things. We have all kind of experiences and we learn our specific lessons. All of that is very individual and I’m pretty sure there is nobody out there who has encountered, experienced and learned exactly the same thing. All of this creates the reality we carry along inside of our mind. The reality that suits us best.
But this reality is not necessarily the reality for others.
There are people who accept the fact that we all have our own reality and all live our life according to our values and what we think is the right thing to do. Then there are people who can just not accept this fact and will always try to convince others that what they do is not the right thing. They will tell them that they should or have to do things differently and even feel or experience in a different way. And hardly ever will you be able to convince them of the fact that it doesn’t make sense.
Don’t get me wrong, there are always good advises out there and if an advice is given as an advice I’m happy to take it on board. Some people thought, have a tendency to call it advice but it’s more like an order.
A friend of mine recently told me something that helped me deal with people like that in a better way. It actually took the pressure off me. I no longer had the feeling of being wrong.
“You know, some people look at a plate. And although everyone knows that the plate is white, those people want to see it black. So the plate is black for them. It’s what they want, the way they want to see it. And although it’s your plate and you can have a million people on your side, trying to explain to that person that the plate truly is white, they will never believe it. Because it’s not what they want to hear, it’s not how they want to see it and it’s not the way it supports their ideal picture of the situation. You will never be able to change it. All you can do is realize that you will never be able to convince that person of the truth, accept that they will never see it like it is and walk away.”
Believe me, I know how hard it is to deal with someone who simply doesn’t want to see my reality. I know how it feels do deal with someone who thinks that the only true reality, the only livable and acceptable reality is their own reality. I spent countless hours trying to convince that person of the fact that my reality is how it is for me and that I’m happy the way it is. I invested loads of energy trying to make this person see that you can live a happy life living according to your own reality. And one day I finally learned that all the effort I put into trying to make this person see was nothing more than a big waste of time.
There will always be people who will try to convince you to live your life in a different way than the way that suits you. What you will have to realize is that those people don’t want you to do it in order for making your life easier but in order for making their life easier. It’s not about you. It will always be about them.
The moment you realize this, is the moment you can free yourself of all the pressure loaded on your shoulder and finally keep walking your path without interruption.
As they say: “You can’t change how people feel about you. So don’t try. Just live your life and be happy!”
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