A Book of Triggers – Page 2

We cannot live our lives cringing from the sound of every trigger we step on. Instead that sound should become like music to our ears as the cacophony of reality impresses upon us the reality of our conquest. We are taught now to ignore triggers and to steer clear of even the subject. In our politically correct society we are forced to forewarn people that “trigger warning” the words written here might actually mean something to you. Might actually affect you in some way.

When I look over my shoulder I do not see a past presented by picturesque Monet created pathways. Instead I am assaulted by the rawness of Memphis city streets alive with the power of memory. A painting littered with forgotten words and stained with pain born tears. A painting of reality is what my past presents and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I wake up to a trigger each morning. A Korean face looks back at me in the mirror and no matter how many times I splash myself with cold water, still the same slanted eye, half smile appears. It must be me. It has to be me. And yet that introduces the second trigger of my story, the power of acceptance. To accept what does not feel right, to be forced to be who you don’t think you are. Who cannot relate to such a feeling for differing reasons? The world is a melting pot of such forced persuasions as we are each told who we are and what we were meant to be.

I think the saddest part about my first two triggers is that they were decided for me. They were part of a path connected by an action one cold morning in Busan, South Korea. A morning when a mother decided she no longer wished to be a mother and in doing so she placed around my neck a necklace that did not hold a locket of love. Instead it held a golden trigger upon which was written a name. A meaningless name which was never to be used. A name that I sometimes wish I was. Ahn Soo Jin.

-Opinionated Man

Jason C. Cushman

A Book of Triggers is an online book written by Jason C. Cushman on the blog aopinionatedman.com. All rights and copyright ownership to these posts and words are owned by Jason C. Cushman and HarsH ReaLiTy.

https://aopinionatedman.com/category/a-book-of-triggers/

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39 thoughts on “A Book of Triggers – Page 2

  1. I already read this, but wanted to pick up on one comment- “the power of acceptance. To accept what does not feel right, to be forced to be who you don’t think you are. Who cannot relate to such a feeling for differing reasons? The world is a melting pot of such forced persuasions as we are each told who we are and what we were meant to be” – I sympathise with this feeling, and the sense of not feeling connected to the face you see in the mirror. But we all have the power inside us to make ourselves more like we feel ourselves to be.. its not always easy, but embrace the good parts of you, and they will eventually counter the bad parts. Your blog is awesome, and you clearly have a lot going on. Self acceptance is definately key though.. accept the fact that really, you’re a amazing person!! Take care.

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  2. I can see why you’re so popular. You had me hook, line, and sinker from the opening sentence. Like an artist with his brush, sweeping words over a blank page, bringing his canvas to life…Well Done!!
    xx
    Sooz

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  3. Like others here, I can understand and relate to your having to be what you are not. Where I work I must relate to other people, be sociable with those whom I cannot stand to be near. People whom I cannot be myself with, because I do not conform to the ideology of the majority.

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  4. Jason, we all start the same as a clump of cells. Our parents, grandparents, etcl DNA contributes to our physical bodies. That we are stuck with. Our minds however, we can choose to reshape and become more or less than we are. Circumstances are rarely ours to choose, but we do have a choice in our reaction to them.

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  5. That trigger that makes you be someone you aren’t or do something you don’t want is a difficult one for me. I look in the mirror, and I see a sunken-faced old woman (I am NOT that old), but I’m expected to perform as usual.

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  6. Jason, of all your writings, have you written about Ahn Soo Jin, as you would have grown up with that name in another life’s path. If it was an ambiguous “golden trigger,” and at the same time ” a meaningless name never to be used,” I’d write a compelling a story about it. Authors choose pseudnyms in writing, you have a pseudonym- true one. Jason, your writing hits my heart. Christine

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  7. Not really my business, but I ask anyway, feel free to answer or not. Is the name Jason taken out of the never used name? So similar letters, only in different order. Good writing again. Creates pictures in my mind.

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  8. This. This speaks to me. Your quote “A painting littered with forgotten words and stained with pain born tears.”

    I don’t have tear stained pathways bc I stopped myself from crying at a young age. But the painting of the past that you illustrated with your words rings very true in my mind.

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