My goal with this blog is to offend everyone in the world at least once with my words… so no one has a reason to have a heightened sense of themselves. We are all ignorant, we are all found wanting, we are all bad people sometimes.
Today I spent the day away from the comfort of my blog. Today I read blogs. I visited new blogs, I revisited old bloggers I’ve known since I started in 2013, I also found many blogs shuttered and it made me sad. I always physically stop my mind and wonder what happens to bloggers that close up shop and move on. If they have found something better to do with their time and what that new activity might be. I don’t allow myself to dwell on such thoughts for long though. Bloggers come and go like the seasons.
I think many people forget to be social when they begin to expect others to be social with them first. I have worked hard not to adopt that type of attitude. I set aside a percentage of time each day working towards new and old connections. I believe it is one of the most important aspects to blogging and I enjoy seeing how people are doing and progressing with their lives.
Honestly I am trying to inspire myself. I have felt that “bug” that bloggers get when they feel they may have “said it all.” I am hoping it is just a slump and that I’ll get over it. It is the first time I’ve felt this way about blogging. I have to admit I have grown bored lately. I guess that is what happens when you let your sail down and just float for a while. I can’t allow myself to float for too long.
It is nights like this that my subscribers get frustrated with me. I am sure the emails build up, but I don’t feel badly. I am writing through the tired.
I so often harp on the fact that there is no such thing as over posting because if there were I would be guilty of it. Working 10.5 hour shifts grants me a lot of time to both write and to be tired late at night. I use writing to not only focus my mind, but to wake myself up. Nothing gets my mind going faster than finding a topic I actually care about and that is my constant nightly quest. What will I concern myself with today?
The fun thing about blogging is that it is much like online poker, there is always someone on. I have read some blogger reviews of my website and I know it is commonly said that I blog for numbers and treat blogging like a “game.” While it hurts that people are essentially saying I don’t take this media seriously, I in turn shrug off most of those types of uneducated observations. I shrug them off because from a general standpoint they are true.
I started to enjoy blogging when I realized how to control my own destiny. When I say “destiny” I am not attempting to fantasize the blogging world into something it is not. I am not on a quest for a magic egg that will give birth to another magic egg. I am here to build a website. Once you realize your goal everything else is grits and eggs.
My blog is my Starcraft base. Each post I create is a new pylon that enables me to expand both my reach and my potential. I enjoy the numbers because it flows in easily with my infatuation with realtime builds. That is how I view my blogging model, in realtime. Isn’t it more enjoyable to take part in something where you see actual benefit from putting in more effort? That is how I blog and I draw upon myself to motivate me further. It is an internal cycle that any true blogger can use.
We find points of inspiration and we use those points to prod us further on towards our goals. That is due to personal conviction and ambition. It is during nights like this, where I can barely focus due to lack of sleep, that I use what I have learned this past two years to go into auto drive. I wait for the occasional bump to remind myself to stay focused and on the same path. I blog, I build, and I create because of one reason. I enjoy to do so.
How perfect a moment is when it is lived with you. We love our love the way we know how. Others murmur, they come and they go. They pass likes shades in the night as we sit together upon our canoe of love. Floating… we float past our cares and our sorrows. The past can be seen in the dark water below, look up my dear. See the stars as they twinkle and shine a future so open. So real. If you would but take this hand and trust me. We step.
I share posts because many of you write far better than I do. My mom says I am a “great writer with horrible grammar and punctuation.” She is absolutely correct. While other kids were learning the basics my friends and I were pushed into a program called “Clue English.” Supposedly it was for the brighter kids that didn’t need to learn all the “basics” we were supposed to already somehow know. I think that hurt me in some ways, but it also pushed me in others. I can describe the way a light dies and how I feel as the last twinkle hits my eyes. The sorrow at its loss and how it makes me want. I can do all that while misspelling a few “minor words” and comma splicing the living shit out of the post. It is what I do best, chopping up sentences. Commas are meant for comfort to me and I am comfortable putting them almost anywhere. I don’t believe you have to be a perfect writer online. Sure misspelled words in abundance is annoying as hell because… use spellcheck you lazy ass! But writing daily doesn’t need to be perfection if perfect writing isn’t your goal. Sometimes it is the words that are used and not how they are used that matter. I know some readers are unforgiving and they can enjoy reading truly perfect writing of a team of editors in some book or on a blog elsewhere. On my blog there is one editor and honestly he hasn’t been seen since week one. I wonder where he went…
I never thought I would keep this blog this long. Some have asked me why I do it. Why give out advice for free, why spend the time helping people, and why am I basically… writing for free. My wife has been nudging me towards looking for better work in the IT field. Become a programmer or developer. I want to be a writer.
Some people have asked (realize when I say “some people” it is because I am lazy) what my plans are. They assume I have a plan and I have read a small portion of the comments. One person I think wrote that I did Project O so I could steal everyone’s answers and write a book. Or something to that affect. I tried and I sold only one copy and that was to my mom… I guess you all weren’t that interesting. Some people are just idiots. That time I said some people because I wanted to.
The harsh reality of life. We contemplate these things at night. Sipping our cheap $9 merlot and typing away our sorrows at 1 am because we just got off a “swing shift” if you can even call it that. But this isn’t a complaint. And honestly I would rather not get a bunch of “hang in there old boy… you can do it.” Unless you are wearing a hat, chewing a cigar, and look like Gatsby save the old boy stuff.
I don’t feel like doing things the way others do things. You ever feel like you know what you want but of course it is the “getting there” that is the problem? Fucking brass ring is just swinging in the air… just teasing the shit out of you. This isn’t some light in the tunnel analogy, it is reality. It is wanting a goal and knowing that one day you will get that goal. One day you’ll turn around and be able to say “I told you so” because you know what? Saying “I told you so” feels fucking great!
We drink tears in the morning, to hide the face of shame from those that look to us for guidance. I would never wish upon my children a guide that sees only through the sorrow of a continuous torrent. So I hide those emotions with the coming of the sun and sneer in disdain at the weakness that made me break, if only for a moment.
We drink our tears with coffee, tea, and whatever fills our cup in the morning. The bitterness sweetens stronger than sugar and awakens us faster than pain.