No, nothing so dramatic or notable as an auto accident or a shooting. But, what would you call losing a few hours out of your day without the aid of alcohol or drugs?
I woke up around 6:00 PM, feeling as though I was lucky to even be alive this evening, and spent the next 10 minutes crying like a baby. Nobody noticed. Nobody cared. So, am I truly lucky to be alive today? Allow me to explain.
Today was an extremely hot day. Temperatures easily reached over 100 degrees and the sun showed no mercy as it beat down upon the people below. For a living, I do physical labor for the most part. I am up and down ladders a couple hundred times a day, carry loads of extreme weight and/or size, and try to put out 100% of myself accomplishing my tasks. But, this is what is expected of a man in today’s society if he wants to draw a minimum wage. The problem however is; I am a 57 year old overweight smoker.Today I believe I learned the significance of being such.
By noon today I was a puddle of sweat, was having difficulty breathing, my mind had gone foggy, and there was no escape. When lunch time came, I could not eat. I had spent the morning trying to survive the heat by consuming so much water that I “sloshed” when I walked. Shortly after lunch I told the boss I needed to go to the hospital. I felt as if I was going to vomit and was borderline passing out. Instead of going to the hospital I had the boss take me to my motorcycle which was at the company shop. My intention was to ride my bike to the hospital so I would have a ride there when released. I was barely coherent when I fired up my motorcycle to head to the hospital. I never made it there, ending up at home instead. Now mind you, I was headed for the hospital and made no conscious decision otherwise. Regardless, I ended up at home. It was likely about 1:00 to 1:30 PM at the time but I do not recall ever arriving home.
The next thing I am aware of, is it is around 6:00PM and I feel like hell. And, I do not recall ever coming home. Then the implications of my day registered to my mind and tears filled my eyes. For the first time in my life, I know fear. Not just the feeling of being afraid of something you can avoid, but the fear of realizing that today could have been my last. For about 10 minutes I sobbed like a friggin baby. Even the people in the room with me didn’t notice. Not that I would want them to. I just noted that they didn’t, thus saving me the un-necessary embarrassment. Frankly, losing a few hours of my day scares the hell out of me. This is the first time in my life that I have no recollection of what I have done, where I have been, or how I got to and fro.
My neighbor just hollered at me, asking how I felt. When I approached him just now he told me that I didn’t look like myself. He told me he saw me when I came in earlier. It seems I was white as a ghost, sweating bullets, and like I was about to Fall out.” But, I was still able to be courteous enough to stop and allow some children to pass across my driveway before I drove in. Well even as bad off as I was, I was still a gentlemen. That puts it all in perspective, maybe I won’t act like a damn fool on the way out. I guess I should not be concerned about this, they can rebuild me.
Of course, I am going to make light of this. Yes, we have the technology. They can rebuild me. They can fix what I have broke, then rebuild me. They can make me faster, stronger, and even better looking. Why doesn’t that make me feel any better. I think I should stay home from work tomorrow, perhaps find my way to the hospital/doctor’s office and let them give me a diagnostic followed by a tune up and oil change, I hope. . . . They gave ma an appointment in August and told me to come into Emergency if I had further difficulties
Most of us have one thing in common, we abuse our body. We drink, smoke, dope, work, work harder, and play vigorously. All at a cost to our body. Sure some of these things can be good for your body, but not in excess. And, many of us tend to do too much without regard for the consequences. My advice after 57 years in this life . . . Smoking is stupid, booze and dope maybe in moderation, and a healthy diet is an absolute necessity. Heed my words on this, you will be glad you did.
Do you wonder what happens to you after death? Is there an afterlife? Is there a heaven? Is there a hell? Or, do we just become worm food and that is the end of it. Is this the point when even atheists pray to God? I have led a full life, I guess. No I haven’t. I have led a “shit” life, full of bullshit and waste. I have loved and been loved, yet nothing had permanence. In my younger years I was at the top of my game, in everything. Only to lose it all once I became older. I have not yet made my mark upon this world. Will I be given a chance in the next life? Is there a next life? Oh Lord, please tell me there is another after this one . . .