1. Audition and make it into a boy band. She will crawl across glass to have you back! Just make sure it is an actual boy band and not one of those creepy 50’s, “give it up already” bands.
2. Date her sister or mother. It will work.
3. Become a motherfucking sorcerer. Who needs women if you control the power of magic?
4. Date a girl/woman of a completely different race and also personality (preferably one you have never dated before). Post that shit ALL OVER social media with ALL SMILES. You will send your ex-girlfriend into epic levels of self-doubt.
5. Never, ever, EVER answer your ex’s phone calls. Wait a few months and if she is still calling answer once with a “who is this again?”
6. Create time lapse videos of you and your dog doing EVERYTHING you and your ex did together. Some cheesy music and maybe a few make out scenes will really make the videos memorable.
7. Do everything you told her you would not do with her and take tons of pictures doing it. Again, overshare on social media and know that she sees it. And she hates you.
8. Date a girl with the exact same name. No it won’t create a complex for you, but instead will irk the shit out of her every time she sees a new Facebook post with her name on it.
9. Immediately get married. The next week. That will show her!
10. Write a post on your blog saying “Oh Shit! I found out something horrible from the doctor today!” But never elaborate. She will definitely call you soon.
So a simple question. When the government says “you cannot take your dog out back and kill it” you think that is ok? But when that same government says there are regulations on “killing a future baby/fetus” you think that is wrong? I don’t get it…
The power of pretty is evident all around us today. It is on social media, on the television, and walking in front of us at the mall. It is an idea or concept held by society that defines what we consider beautiful and attractive. There is real power in being pretty that is often scorned and mocked verbally, but we all internally know of its existence. The power of pretty can take you far.
What is the power of pretty? This power can grant you wishes you never dreamed of! Have you ever wanted to be a beautiful, yet ferocious vampire that leaps around in trees and is just charming enough to convince a perfectly healthy young damsel into accepting the life of an undead? Try the power of pretty! I hear it even makes your skin glitter in the sun. Have you ever had difficulty reaching the top shelf at work and need help? Try the power of pretty! Help is on the way!
The power of pretty is mightier than any penis or vagina known to man. It carries the weight and authority of the wearer. Some people are simply better at wielding this great influence on humanity, just as some people are simply prettier than other people. For instance a true practitioner of the power of pretty can still be pretty while crying. That is a higher level of pretty and beginners in the practice probably shouldn’t try it. It is very easy to change from the power of pretty to the power of ugly.
I am jealous of those that have this power. They are everyday superheroes that don’t even know the blessing that has been bestowed upon them. Most comic characters have to undergo great trials and tribulations to gain their superpowers. The power of pretty is given by birth. That is probably why it is taken for granted so often. Nothing is more shameful than seeing the power of pretty wasted.
Now THAT was some amusing reading! I thought only I had such funny comments! -OM
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Originally posted on See, there's this thing called biology...:
Delusional. Brainwashed. Indoctrinated. Crutch. Stunted. Those are the words I’ve heard from atheists my entire life. I grew up in the 60’s under the care of a couple of radicals who believed religion was one of the greatest evils on the face of the Earth. They were bound and determined to keep their children’s minds in a state of purity. That meant we didn’t go to school, we didn’t socialize, we had no TV, and we lived in total isolation. For a little girl who saw angels and talked to God, being used as a social experiment was not a good thing.
I remember when I was five years old, they dug a hole and buried my stuffed animals in it. Snoopy with the red ears was on top. They made me watch while they covered them up with dirt and told me that they were dying. This is reality, they said. This is what happens when…
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For my Wife -
How perfect a moment is when it is lived with you. We love our love the way we know how. Others murmur, they come and they go. They pass likes shades in the night, as we sit together upon our canoe of love. Floating… we float past our cares and our sorrows. The past can be seen in the dark water below, look up my dear. See the stars as they twinkle and shine a future so open. So real. If you would but take this hand and trust me. We step.