1. “Let’s agree to disagree shall we?” How about no? Instead let’s just agree that I am right and you are horribly fucking wrong.
2. “Could you do me a quick favor?” NO! Because the favor that follows is never “quick,” I see two damn feet attached to your own damn body, and I have actually been meaning to tell you I really hate you. And I slept with your sister. Still want that favor?
3. “All good things come to those that wait.” Well I’ve been sitting at this damn bus stop forever. How long do I have to wait?
4. “True love transcends all!” Well money must be pretty thick because it bounces “love” around like a tennis ball.
5. “Men just don’t…” Wanna tell me more about what men do and don’t do?
6. “Tom Brady is the best…” Unless you are about to say demonic overlord next… I’m not buying it.
7. “What are you doing in there?” Come in and find out if you are really that curious. Can a guy poop in privacy?!? Christ!
8. “Snow is so pretty.” Yea… pretty freaking lame! I hate snow. I hate it. Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it!
9. “Sorry Sir we are out of French fries today!” You are out of happiness? What? Your sign has French fries on the fucking picture! No I am not upset, I am furious! I want my damn French fries!
10. “I think you might have an alcohol problem.” I think you might have a problem with not being able to mind your own fucking business.