Guest Post – The Absent Father


“Kids have a hole in their soul in the shape of a dad.  And if a father is unwilling or unable to fill that hole, it can leave a wound that is not easily healed.” Roland Warren

I look at my daughter Kupakwashe, nothing but a bubble of joy and laughter.  I watch her play house with her friends, I watch her go through all her favourite cartoons on television the way she rushes to her room to try and wear her dress to look just like Sofia The First when the programme starts, I watch her every little move when I get time to visit and be with her, but out of all the things I have watched her do, nothing breaks my heart more than when she asks when her father is coming to see her or spend time with her…I have since run out of answers however; because as the time goes by it is getting harder to explain her father’s whereabouts.  Of course she is still too young to understand if I am to tell her that he is married and has his own family to take care of.  This puts me in a very tight spot and now I just say lie and say he will come through when he has time.

What do other single mothers tell their children when their children ask after their fathers?  Does it mean when one partner moves on the child he left behind must be neglected?  Does it mean she too does not deserve his attention and protection?  They say a father is a daughter’s first love, who will be her first love if her own father does not have time for her?  So many questions and no one to answer them.

I wonder what goes on in her father’s mind.  Does he think about her, does he miss her, does he long to see her because last time I checked he last saw her close to 3 months ago and at the time she cried and caused a scene for reasons I will never know.  She does know he is her father but maybe because she is not used to him she reacts the way she does when she eventually sees him.  I wonder what his excuses for his absence in her life are.  I don’t stop him from visiting her, calling her or spending time with her but he has never picked up the phone to volunteer for any of those things.  Sure he does take care of the financial side of things.  Luckily we don’t have to fight about that anymore.

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Kupsy & MaKupsy with our signature pose :)

I love my daughter with my all; she is my little ray of sunshine.  My siblings and parents adore her; she gets so much love and attention.  It is only her father’s unwillingness to play an active role in her life that baffles me.  He has a son who he stays with and obviously spends his time with.  How come he does not give his daughter time, love and affection even though he does not stay with her?  It is sad but I will continue to love her and do everything in my power to make sure she never doubts that I love her or ever feel like a “Daddyless Daughter” I have a guilt free conscious because I know I have not kept her away from her father but he has chosen to do so on his own accord.

Written by MaKupsy; you can find her on:

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Social Media – I am not impressed


I encourage people not to get a big ego on social media. I suppose if you are Kim Kardashian that ship has sailed, but for us “average humans” we should always strive to keep our feet on the ground. I often have bloggers try to impress me with their background or what “they have accomplished” in life. I am not impressed. I also don’t impress myself and do not howl at the moon nightly… regardless what some bloggers write of me.

I am not impressed by glory found on social media because there is always a bigger fish out there. Many bloggers that have taken my tips and “run with them” are even now working on passing my small accomplishments here. That is how it should be! I don’t share tips with bloggers in hope that everyone stays mediocre. I don’t actively work to keep others “lower than me” so that I always feel good about myself. Sadly some bloggers do that. They want to impress people so bad that they lie outright about their methods and how they blog. Those bloggers, those powerbloggers, are pathetic as hell. I will never be like them.

I once had a “debate” with another powerblogger that was gaining a million views every few months. Granted he had content, a community, and he did interact with other bloggers, but what angered me was the image he was putting off. “My writing is just that good. I have worked on it a lot! You can “make it too” if you just put in the effort like I have.” It is all the normal bullshit that bloggers hope you “buy.” In fact they feed this bullshit to the WordPress community daily. It is a horrible way of blogging.

I created this blog January of 2013 and what I found immediately was a responsive platform that was waiting to be engaged. I interact, I build, I push, and I promote myself daily on this website. That isn’t all I do though and I have never once lied and tried to impress upon people that those are the only things required to build a popular blog because they aren’t. I have freely shared how I follow a lot of blogs. I have also shared that I don’t “mass like” because I think it is a turn off. Those are just a few of the things I do daily to generate “notice.” If I were like some powerbloggers I might allow you to all “think” that is ALL I do. Generating admiration in that way is lame.

There are so many tricks in the bag people. Tricks I don’t even feel like taking the time to write down. Mirror sites, phantom posts, multi pushing, piggy backing, buzz words, and a strong tag recognition spread are just some of them. The point of this is that you need to recognize whether or not a blogger or powerblogger is being truthful. If it sounds “too good to be true” it often is. And if someone claims their “great content” got them millions of views and they can’t even edit their first sentence… they are a fucking liar. You should tell them so as I do.

-OM

Stop Saying You Have “Fake Followers”


Stop saying you have “fake followers” bloggers. Pressing the FOLLOW button isn’t committing to you or your blog. It is accepting your blog onto our readers. From there your articles and posts need to catch our attention just like the WordPress reader and guess whose job that is? YOUR JOB! My reader almost dies from a heart attack every time I open it, but once it is opened I visit a ton of blogs a day. I read the posts and guess which posts I read? The ones that catch my eye! Just like everyone else! If you have 100 followers or even 1,000 followers you are not gaining a commitment from those people to read every one of your posts. So if you gain only a few views perhaps you should study how you are WORKING to gain those looks at your stuff.

I am so tired of hearing people complain about how their follower number is so high and yet they get so little attention. You sound like babies. Do you realize how many accounts go dormant each year? Bloggers just “forget” they have an account or they simply create a new one. So what if a percentage of your subscriber number is nonexistent, there are tens of thousands of new readers joining WordPress each day. Go find them and stop wasting your time speculating about a stupid number. Sure have goals and milestones and be proud of your subscriber number, but the point where it becomes a negative thing is the point where you have gone too far. Worry about your commenters and the people that say they visit your blog. Work harder at making better titles and hell add some photos if you want. Participate in prompts, Blogging 101, or go out and just meet bloggers. Just don’t sit there in a corner writing post after post about no one cares. People care but you have to find those people. Extend a hand first, it is a virtual hand how hard is that? Go find your audience people and stop complaining about fake followers.

-OM