10 Signs of a Bad Day


1. You yell out a complaint about being short at 5’10” and then turn around and run into a midget convention. They are not happy.

2. Instead of your caramel macchiato you get served a mocha nasty latte. That is always a sign of a bad day.

3. You hit every red light on the way to work. Apparently god hates you.

4. You walk out the door to work and run over a Jehovah ’s Witness.

5. Your Ex from five years ago calls you and immediately says “we need to talk.”

6. You read a post about “10 signs of a bad day” and you recognize a few of the signs from your own day!

7. You open it and there is nothing there.

8. You order a camel and it has no humps.

9. A polar bear calls you and informs you that someone has peed on your igloo and there is now a new door. This only happens in Canada.

10. You show up for a blind date and “Cindy” has an Adam’s apple.

-OM

Why I don’t care for Martin Luther King Day


OK, here it goes. There are some good reasons why Martin Luther King Day is not important to me and ironically many of those reasons were born in Memphis, TN. I am Korean born, but was raised by Caucasian parents. Let me first say that I had black and white friends growing up. The black friends I had were born from friendships at my 80% black school (maybe it wasn’t 80% exactly but it sure felt like 99% most days). I had a lot of white friends because I came from a small church community, even though we were all living in the middle of Memphis, TN, that kept strong ties together and were sometimes even cultish in their rules and regulations.

Now that the background information is over, let me say a bit about why I don’t care for this holiday. My school was “pro” anything that made African Americans feel important. To highlight this fact I recall one incident where we were eating lunch in grade school and the vice principle, a large heavyset black man, rushed into the room and grabbed the microphone to joyfully tell us O.J. Simpson was innocent (insert eye roll to this day)! I hated my school, I generally hated the kids there as well. I could not escape a day where I was not made fun of for my eyes, skin, or just because I wasn’t white or black. I remember one day a black kid, actually a former friend, said my eyes were so small he could blind fold me with dental floss. I retorted, “Well at least my people weren’t slaves.” Sob story to be sure, but that is not why I dislike this holiday, so let me explain.

I learned with every other kid in my school the good works that Martin Luther King did and I was truly proud of his accomplishments. What I could not understand was how could the Blacks at my school celebrate equality and freedom and in the same breath bash with malice an Asian kid for being Asian. It was so hypocritical to me that my disdain extended past the handful of kids tormenting me and included their whole race. It did not breed hatred, at least not at this point, but what it bred was a scorn for this holiday and even this man that was not fairly handed out. But pain and suffering create feelings that are not always rational. I know this now, looking back I probably knew this at the time as well, but the result is still the same. I dislike this holiday and all I see is hypocrites.

-OM

10 Reasons People Hate Me


  1. I don’t recycle. I just don’t… and I really could care less about the animals in the ocean. In fact it might be safer without them.
  2. People handing out advertisements or Girl Scout Cookies will sometimes receive what they think is “Korean” back. I actually don’t speak Korean… but it has sounded believable for 20 years.
  3. Sometimes I pretend to be asleep so people will go away. It is amazing how quickly a person will become bored with you if you are audibly snoring.
  4. I don’t move over for bikers of any kind and I don’t consider your oversized toy a car. This will probably never change.
  5. If you ask me my nationality I will many times tell you a random Asian country. It is because I am an asshole.
  6. I mumble a lot and then play it off by staring into space. When you stare into space people get uncomfortable and generally leave you alone…
  7. I will purposefully stop traffic to give to a homeless person if I see tons of cars pass them. Yes this is “reactive charity” but it is also the point of being bothered by the coldness of society.
  8. I don’t speak Spanish and never plan to. I also don’t think a person should have to speak Spanish to live in America. If everyone isn’t required to speak Korean (which wouldn’t make a bad law) then there should be no similar requirement for ANY language other than English in this great nation.
  9. I never say “Bless You” when someone sneezes. The silence is sometimes audible after such an occurrence… as if god is waiting for me to say it. I will, however, sometimes say “Devil Be Gone” and splash fake holy water on them.
  10. I don’t do “ice breakers.” To me an ice breaker is a single glass of Macallan 25 and ZERO human contact.

-OM