Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter

She comes into your life and brings nature’s blessing. And with her entrance comes a curse of wanton passion. The grass is still alive as it blazes in the sun. The chorus of our laughter floats gently in the Spring breeze. We are the definition of love and our hands are linked as we dance amongst the growing and the grown alike. We enjoy timeless sunsets on picturesque settings creating canvases waiting to be painted at each moment. We love.

Time works wonders and bonds grow firm. We resolve to walk quietly into the night together. Hands held tightly against the shadows we once faced alone. We pick each other up in the heat of the Summer, against the blazing sun and humanity’s punishment. We turn as one, in unison with one another’s needs. I am your need and you are mine. And like an oak tree we grow together.

The rain has come and we have weathered storms. We still touch… but sometimes our hands Fall like leaves from our tired limbs. The chatter of children running around our base keeps us united, we are still united with finger painted signs and chalk figures. But some nights are cold and the moon shines two shadows upon the ground.

It snows here in Denver. The Winter seems to be most of the year… at least lately. But even with the constant ice, it does melt with the strength of will. A will we share each morning and return to each night. The seasons form a timeless ring that hardens into a golden promise. They touch each time our hands unite with infused emotion. Regardless of what emotion that is the presence of feelings means that we still care.

Jason Cushman

-Opinionated Man



A Life of Crohn’s

This is a tribute to a disease that has given me so much in the form of treasured memories. I thought I would record some of those lost pages for all time.

Crohn’s disease is a relatively new term, but the “disease” itself has been around forever. I did not realize I had Crohn’s until 2009 and I had suffered from its affect for almost half of my life. Today we have come to a mutual respect for each other, but it was not always so. It was definitely not always so. Throughout my life I have had a sensitive stomach, but I normally related this to my drinking habits. It wasn’t till after I stopped drinking heavily and still had bouts of sickness that I realized I was either pregnant for 15 years or it was something internally wrong.

The first serious incident occurred at Kessler Air Force Base, MS during my training for electronic principles. I developed a fistula in ano which caused me some pain while being forced to run during PT. I hate running unless it is from cops, dogs, or women with knives so I overcame my embarrassment and went to the on base medical center. This would be the first “memorable experience” of my life with Crohn’s.

I limped into the clinic and asked to see the doctor. The Airman running the desk asked me what the visit pertained to. I tactfully said I had a sensitive injury and would rather elaborate with the doctor directly. I waited around for a little while and then the doctor, a Captain, asked me to follow him into an examination room.

“So I am told you have an injury Airman Cushman. Can you give me a little more information or better yet show me what it is?”

I looked at him nervously and finally said “My ass hurts. I am not sure what it is, but it hurts to use the restroom and to run.”

“Well let’s take a look!” the Captain said with amusement in his eyes.

I slowly took my pants off and bent over the table in the middle of the room.

“WOW! Well… that is something!” he said with clear astonishment in his voice. “Hold on a second Airman.” He then walked to the door and opened it.

“Bob! Hey Bob! Come here for a second you have to see this!” he literally yelled for the whole city to hear. “Bring the blue book as well we may need to refer to it!”

“Oh great,” I thought to myself “this is obviously amateur hour. Where did these morons get their medical licenses from Walgreens?”

A Major who was obviously Bob walked in and immediately focused on my bare ass. Nothing like male eyes staring at your rear in such a vulnerable position.

“WOW indeed Jim! Is that… is that even real? What the fuck is that?” Bob said in the most professional voice of bewilderment I have ever heard.

“I have no clue Bob. Let me get another opinion!” Jim exclaimed as he rushed again to the door. “Cindy! Nancy! Could you come here for a second please and hurry!”

So after the whole medical staff had gotten a good look at my ass  they referred to the magical blue book. Apparently the “F” section was missing, or maybe they just never made it that far, because in the end all they needed was a few shots and a scalpel. Years later I still cringe over that experience and how stupid some medical “professionals” are. Nothing surprises me anymore.

I value my time with Crohn’s because it has brought me closer to god. While sitting on my porcelain throne I often contemplate what god does on his. Does he use angel feathers and are they as soft as my Charmin Ultra? I also consider different advantages and disadvantages of my ass… or lack thereof. I suppose if I wasn’t so lazy I would simply go and buy a padded toilet seat because even the softest seat becomes hard as stone after sitting on it for 30 minutes straight. Maybe Santa will bring me one for Christmas, but as long as I have my Charmin Ultra Soft I will be ok.

The second major incident involving my Crohn’s disease was far more painful and less humorous. It was actually almost murderous in nature. My first major flareup left me gasping in pain for 24 hours straight. After I decided I wasn’t being a pussy and that it really did hurt that bad, I went to the doctor. By now everyone should realize that I hold a very deep distrust for all medical personnel even though my father is a physician himself. The pain was that bad that I would have sought the help of almost any drug dealer. After dragging myself to the family practice center and seeing the on call there, she concluded that I had an appendicitis. An ambulance was called and I was in a medical bed before I even knew what was happening. I distinctly remember thinking “Oh Jesus… who is Appendicitis and what the fuck did I do to cause his wrath?”

The surgeon came to greet me in the hospital and that should have been a warning sign, but I was in so much pain that I would have taken, smoked, or injected almost anything at that point. Mr. Slice and Dice had me prepped and ready before the ink on the papers was even dry. The surgery of course went well, but what didn’t go as expected was what occurred when I woke up. I awoke to the same pain that I had prior to the operation and I became furious. Now some of you might think you know “furious.” Unless you have seen a half drugged, screaming Korean throwing bed pans at nurses you have never known furious. I was fucking pissed.

When Dr. Right came to see me he gave me the blue pill. I felt better within ten minutes and he didn’t even have to take any body parts. Imagine that. I was caught between being so relieved that the pain was gone and still being furious over the unnecessary surgery that I just said “thank you.” I had finally learned I had Crohn’s and my nemesis was given a name. To this day I am told Crohn’s is a disease, but if I get to heaven and I find out Crohn’s is actually a person I am going to punch him in the fucking face even if it means I have to turn around and go back the other direction.

I have come to realize I can’t eat certain things, even though occasionally I still do. I shouldn’t drink alcohol… but that just ain’t happening folks. I deal with my pain level every day and that struggle is something only other people that live with constant pain can understand. Dealing with any level of “pain” on a constant, never-ending basis changes your perspective on life. It changes your life. Even if that pain level is a 1 on a scale of 10 it is still a struggle and it is still felt. The human body hates pain and rejects the idea of “accepting” any amount of it on a consistent basis. I know my disease is by far not the worst out there and so I respect and sympathize with those that have terminal illnesses or lifelong diseases. You have my thoughts and prayers.

-Opinionated Man


Two Faced.

Opinionated Man:

I liked this post. It kind of shows the evolution of blogging and how a perfectionist writer can slowly grow into blogging and learn that not everything has to be perfect. Great post! :) -OM
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Originally posted on TheMicoleKaye:

Okay, so I get it. I was quick to bash other bloggers about spelling and grammar before I tried blogging myself. I get it now. I now see the two faces to blogging (one being blogging, the other being reading).

On one hand, I understand how a few spelling errors can change a reader’s perception of the writer’s viability. I am the first to admit that I am a very judgmental reader. And, I’m sure you are, too.

On the other hand, the writing hand, I now understand that, like myself, most bloggers probably self-edit (aka they don’t pay someone whose job it is to edit for them.) And, sometimes, they are not very good at it. (One of my good friends from college had to fix a spelling error in my rant about bloggers misspelling! Ouch!) I also get that whether it’s 6 AM or 2 AM, when the bug hits, you have to write. With…

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He passes through your life a shade. A shadow confined to the very edges of darkness and light, he shimmers as he barely exists. Names are given, a personality is painted, and a half image of a man is left. It dissolves like a distant memory as reaching bonds are snapped by the force of departure. Neither cry nor sigh is given in respect. Just a lonely memory that walks alone. Above the moon guides the steps of the lost souls below. They find comfort in the darkness away from the light. A sleeping sin that hums like a forgotten tune. I hear the words still…

There is no passion like forgotten passion. No love like lost love. We journey on towards the light, forever bound by the night. And with the coming day we cry in dismay as we slowly vanish before the warmth. Never to truly know the sun, but forever given a small glance. Just a look at what we will never have.

-Opinionated Man


Racism in America – The “Others”

Racial issues in America will always be dominated by the Black and White issue. The “others” are only remembered when their support is needed or required to justify an action. Or to win an argument. That is when the “other” races are considered and why many of us have an impartial attitude towards the current societal crisis going on in America. It isn’t that we don’t see or hear it, who could not violence and protests are all around us and on every news station, but we also see “above” the current issue. We see the real issue.

The greater majority will always dominate the current concerns of society. Blacks and whites have dominated American culture and history since it was founded and they still consider themselves the most important races here. The reason why there will never be racial unity is because there can never be enough “generations” to gap the feelings of hate a culture that was formerly slaves will feel for the race that was formerly their master. Until some outside force comes that is powerful enough to force us all to unite and see past our past there can never be an end to racism. Since Blacks and Whites have dominated this country’s culture, as I previously stated, their racial feud dominates this culture. It is this culture.

After all the marching and the beating of people in the streets. After all the hatred, the violence, and the tension. After all the anger has been spent and the frustration at past shadows has been used up. People will still need take-out Chinese food at a “dollar a scoop,” they will need their laundry done, an impartial dentist, a stoic doctor, and a friendly liquor store owner to get them the rest of the way home. That is when the “others” will matter. That is when the rest of you will remember us. Don’t forget to leave a tip.

-Opinionated Man



Blog Pulse

I believe every blog has a pulse and that pulse can be felt almost immediately by a visitor. It isn’t just the activity of one thread, it is the atmosphere of the whole website. I have worked hard to create a “community” here, but I think my form of social media differs in many ways from other bloggers. It has a lot to do with how I view this blog, how I treat it, and even more importantly how I treat people that visit. Presenting a real person as the “moderator” of this web page allows visitors to recognize that real human effort is present here. There aren’t scripts running my posts or bots pushing my numbers, every subscriber, every view, every comment, and every post takes real effort – my effort.

I often tell bloggers that reach out to me for “advice” that the main thing I recommend is to always have your finger on the button. Know your home and more importantly always have control of that space. Never allow another blogger to monopolize your time or to take over the conversation unless YOU wish it. I practice what I preach and that is evident with my guest posts that I normally stay off of unless the need to respond is too great. I know that I can easily dominate a conversation on my website or even cause the dialogue to stop… which I have done and actively do for reasons. The point is make sure the steps you take each day in your goals are your steps and not the guidelines of others. That includes advice from me… take what you want and use what you can use.

I enjoy the pulse of my blog and I think people that really appreciate their own websites will relate. I see everything on my blog, every comment and action done by anyone. I make it my habit to always know what happens on my domain because the domain is mine.

Own yours as well.