Blogger Etiquette

I am all about self-promotion and understand the importance obviously since I preach it. I would like to point out yet again that it is pretty lame to plaster your links all over my board when I have a specific thread created for this. If you are so desperate for followers visit this THREAD, there are literally over 300 bloggers waiting to connect with people. Do us both a favor and stop being a lazy ass, just go to that post and paste all the links you want. You might even think about VISITING those bloggers, I know shocking right? Most of the people doing this are legit bloggers, but they aren’t here to really “read” my website. That is cool and I wish you the best 5 seconds of your life while on HarsH ReaLiTy…


Just stay on your own damn blog

If you are in the habit of writing rants about me and my website, but then you still visit it… you are pathetic. Just stay on your own damn blog ok? Don’t like me? Fine. Nothing here for you. Move your ass along. I am so tired of people blasting my website and then coming here for free advice and community. This community isn’t for you, it is for bloggers that actually enjoy being here.

Some of you make me want to turn this site private or into a fully paid website I swear.


What Kind of Blogger Are You?

The “hobby blogger” feels slighted that someone else can “make it” where they cannot. I can’t count the number of times I have read “you can’t do that with a blog or on social media.” What people really mean by this statement is that THEY don’t know how to do such and such on that platform. People love blanket statements and love to set limitations for others. Often it is because they themselves have failed in their own attempt and they just hate to see someone else succeed. These people are known as “anchors’ and they will weigh you down with their negativity and halfhearted attempts at advice. Cutting off these anchors will make your ship sail much more smoothly.

What kind of blogger are you and what are your goals on WordPress? What is your motivation for being on social media in general? Only you individually can answer that question and once you realize your answer you must then decide your level of engagement on these websites. It is all about what you want. I once asked “what makes a professional blogger?” I think the question was actually worded improperly. There are people that make blogging their “profession,” but aren’t necessarily making much money off it or claiming to be an expert. They take this title because their websites are the building blocks for their own business ventures and that is nothing to be ashamed about. It is in fact how people develop name recognition, an aspect of marketing most people ignore or don’t know about.

I love blogging because I truly believe you get as much out of it as you put in. I don’t think you need to make a set amount of money, write in a particular genre, or have set habits to be considered a professional blogger. I also don’t think a subscriber number or view count necessarily means you have gained that title either. It is about focus and your own wish, not the labels placed upon you by others. If you want to consider something your profession or you have decided you want to make a popular website the only thing stopping you is you. Effort and focus go a long way when it comes to self-promotion. The only thing that never changes is the “self” part. Without personal effort nothing great will come your way. You can’t win the lottery if you don’t play.


Blame Me

If your blog isn’t growing blame me.

If you aren’t getting enough views then it is my fault because I didn’t visit your website.

If you can’t get followers blame me because I apparently can…. And it just isn’t fair…

If no one “likes” your posts blame HarsH ReaLiTy. Everyone was reading my blog posts so that is most definitely my fault.

If your mother doesn’t love you blame Opinionated Man. Obviously I offended your mom and caused this family rift.

If you don’t get the perfect Christmas gift blame me again! Don’t I look like a fat white guy in a Santa Suit that messes up orders? Listen to my “ho, ho, ho!!!”

If your blog breaks or a post fails to upload blame Jason Cushman. Because apparently he is the cause of all evil on WordPress.


WordPress – If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it

Opinionated Man:

I probably could have just reblogged this in the first place. -OM
Note: Comments disabled, please comment on their post.

Originally posted on lindaghill:

It seems every week WordPress is changing something else. I’m still flabbergasted over clicking on my “posts” button and seeing them all in a reader-type list instead of a list where I can easily find twenty of them and edit them quickly in one click.

Then, was it last week? we had to start going into our dashboard to open a full screen with all the options (including being able to preview our post) in order to write something – instead of this “beep beep boop” crap I keep seeing.

Today, it seems, they’ve changed something else. The “Freshly Pressed” button is gone. Not that I often check the page, but where do I find it now?

Is there anyone out there who has found these changes an improvement? Or am I the only one who thinks they’re more of a pain in the ass?

Edit: My notifications box isn’t…

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Guest Post – On Popular Music: Feminine Sexual Empowerment?

No Generation X-er could fail to have noticed the thematic changes in popular culture over the last thirty years. Styles of music change, of course, as do styles of movies, books, and other media, but these stylistic differences are not necessarily related to the themes that underlie the expressions of popular culture. A sappy love song is a sappy love song whether it’s done in the style of rock, or country, or disco, and there are plenty of these still being created and popularized every year. However, over the last several decades, American society has become far more permissive in what it will accept on the subject of sexuality. Those who were offended by Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” when it was released must surely suffer nowadays, being only able to find refuge in the ever-dwindling number of oldies radio stations, which, if you have not listened to one lately, now often in fact play music from the eighties. But even Cyndi Lauper’s ode to masturbation “She-Bop” appears tame compared to the expressions of female sexuality prevalent in the popular music of today.

The theme of David Guetta’s recent hit “Turn Me On,” provides an interesting example. The main lyrical premise of the piece, sung by Nicky Minaj, can be adequately summarized by its refrain:

Make me come alive,
Come on and turn me on.
Come on, save my life
Come on and turn me on.
I’m too young to die
Come on and turn me on.
You’ve got my life in the palm of your hands.
Come, save me now, I know you can.

At first listen, this sounds like a bold stroke of female sexual empowerment. The female is the aggressor; she demands sexual attention, perhaps even satisfaction. But listen a little more closely, and it becomes clear that even here, the woman is utterly dependent upon the man, not only for her sexual needs, but for her very life. “My body needs a hero,” she cries; “Don’t let me die young.” She literally cries out to the man for salvation, almost as if her sexuality is a burden, a drag on her very existence.

The issue is similar in Rihanna’s “Where Have You Been?” in which the singer declares:

I’ve been everywhere, man
Looking for someone
Someone who can please me,
Love me all night long…

You can have me all you want
Any way
Any day
Just show me where you are tonight.

Again, it’s the female singer’s sexuality that is at stake here, and not the male’s, yet there remains a sense of dependence on the male. Although Rihanna’s tune does not imply that death is imminent if the singer fails to find the man who will please her, it does suggest that she has been searching rather endlessly (“all my life”) for this magical being that she suspects is hiding from her. The image of a woman who’s “been everywhere” hunting for the right man can hardly be called empowering, and furthermore, her desire for a man who will “love her all night long” is unrealistic and bound to end in disappointment, particularly if this is what is required to please her. Once in a while, okay, but people need to sleep, after all. At bottom this is a song of frustration, not of desire, which actually makes it very similar in theme to “Turn Me On,” if different in form. Finally, there is nothing in the least bit feminist about the singer’s desperate cry of “You can have me all you want!” which rather only implies that she’s willing to strike a bargain, offering sexual complicity in the man’s desires in exchange for fulfillment of her own.

Of course, there’s at least some sense of fairness in that, particularly when contrasted to the odiously pathetic “Brokenhearted” by Kashmir, a nearly fifties-themed anthem of the dependence of feminine happiness on the behavior of men. This seemingly harmless, lighthearted tune features the following reprehensible refrain:

I’ve been waiting all day
For you to call me, baby
Come on, finish what we started
Don’t you leave me brokenhearted tonight.
Honest baby, I’ll do
Anything you want to
Let’s get up, let’s get on it
Don’t you leave me brokenhearted tonight.

Can you picture Jane Fonda sitting around waiting all day for a man to call her, and then blindly agreeing to do whatever he wants? But this point is so vital to Kashmir’s theme that she even repeats it in her spoken-word interlude:

Anything you want to do
I’ll be on it, too.

Which leaves one wondering whether men really like women who bow to their every whim. The women of popular culture certainly seem to think so.

Interestingly, it is Flo Rida – the well-known popularizer of the genre of “stripper” tunes – who, to me, portrays feminine sexuality as most nearly on an equal footing with the sexuality of men in his song “Wild Ones.” The opening chorus is sung by the female, Sia:

Hey, I heard you were a wild one
If I took you home, it’d be a home run
Show me how you’ll do
I wanna shut down the club with you
Hey I heard you like the wild ones…

The male voice then interjects with verses which, for the most part, are not related to the main theme of the song, and then the female chimes in again:

I am a wild one, break me in
Saddle me up, and let’s begin
I am a wild one, tame me now
Runnin’ with wolves, and I’m on the prowl…

Very interesting. Now the song is not about the particular desire of either the man or the woman; rather, it concerns two like-minded people, “wild ones,” who happen to find one another. Both parties are the pursued and the pursuer; neither the man nor the woman is dominant. However, the same theme of submission as an expression of feminine sexuality is also present here: the female singer wishes to be “tamed” and “broken.” If we’re uncertain about this, we only have to listen to the second-to-last line of the male singer in response to the female’s refrain:

Tear up that body; dominate you till you’ve had enough.

The language is harsh, borderline offensive, yet it seems to be along the line of what the woman appears to want; he promises to fulfill her desire (“till you’ve had enough”) by putting himself in control over her body. Think of the similarity to Christina Aguilera’s line in Maroon 5’s “Moves Like Jagger”:

You wanna know how to make me smile
Take control, own me just for the night.

Finally, let’s take a look at Katy Perry’s “E.T.”, which on first hearing seems rife with brazen female sexuality. However, the story changes entirely when we consider the extended version of the song, which features the following vocal interlude by Kanye West, speaking as the extra-terrestrial:

First, I’ma disrobe you,
Then I’ma probe you,
See, I abducted you,
So I tell you what to do, I tell you what to do, what to do. . .

An odd interjection, harshly delivered, and what is most intriguing about it is how it completely alters the character of the song. Without the interlude, the piece arguably centers on feminine desire; the singer perceives the extraterrestrial as a being who is “hypnotizing” and “magnetizing” and whose “kiss is cosmic.” The refrain further reflects her desire: “Kiss me” and “Take me” are its main features. However, the additional verse switches the focus of desire from the female to the male; the alien is not only now in charge, but has proclaimed his right as the kidnapper to subject his victim to his will. In short, we now have a rape story.

But perhaps this was the underlying nature of the “kink” under discussion, after all. Consider the lines “Want to be a victim; ready for abduction,” and “Inject me with your love then fill me with your poison.” Although these words indicate submission rather than aggression, they are nonetheless suggestive of a submission which the performer finds desirable. In other words, it is being subject to the will of the alien that arouses sexual desire in the female; her sexual empowerment is derived from willingly submitting herself to it.

Disturbing, isn’t it? This again leaves one wondering whether men really like women who bow to their every whim. Or whether women really wish to be the ones to bow.

In other words, even in popular music of the new century, the sexually desirous woman is still submissive; hopelessly subject to the whims of man, and furthermore, seems to want it that way. The only difference appears to be that now, instead of begging for love, she begs for sex. Not what I would call empowering. Ultimately one must conclude that although the sexual content of popular culture has increased, and the sexuality of women in particular has grown in acceptance, that the songs of today are no more liberating than those of a generation ago. They’re just more graphic.

Lori Schafer

Guest Post – The Female Guide To Sexual Innuendo

Guide to female sexual innuendo
Preface to the guide….

The recent conversations I have been having with a lot of my friends has led me to begin writing about female attitudes about love, and attitudes in sexuality…

Let me begin by saying I consider myself a bisexual lesbian… (Let me explain… *In my Kevin hart voice*)I will always find men cute or physically attractive… Even at times crave sex with a man… (Even though it will NEVER be as good as it is with a woman. But hey… A girl wants lol!) But I cannot be emotionally fulfilled with one… They are just better friends. But in my 27 years of friendships, relationships, break-ups, and broken friendships with both men and women I have learned a lot.

Blogging – Going at it Alone

Many of you are bloggers that are taking the internet on by yourself. I relate because I am as well. I have many followers that have watched me grow this website in 15 months from Follower One. I appreciate Follower One still to this day actually.

Going at it alone… without backers or any corporate support is daunting. It is for me even now. But still we wish to be giants, at least some of us. That is obtainable with work, work, and more work. Countless hours because one person is doing the job of three… or maybe more. I know how hard it is. I suppose this post is to tell you it can be done. The people that say it can’t are either the ones that failed or the bloggers that have no clue the possibilities of the internet.

My door is open to bloggers that need specific help and always has been. You can reach me here or at and I will answer some questions. If they are basic help questions I will refer you to WordPress forum, who by the way do a great job and have awesome documents. But if you are a single blogger and ever feel daunted, drop me a line. I am always around… somewhere.

-Opinionated Man

Blogging advice – Questions?

Many people have been emailing me questions. Just ask here and I’ll try to answer. If it is something simple I will point you to the WordPress forum though.

I also have this link here


A Bloggers World

Have you ever considered that, when you started your blog you created a world for others to visit? You gave it an atmosphere with your chosen theme, with your words and your pictures you provide it with a feeling – is it like coming home? Or does it give the sensation of exploring a strange planet? Is it exotic, or down-to-earth? Has it changed since you began?

I started my blog, naively perhaps, with the intention to showcase my work for potential employers. I was going to write only long, well-thought-out articles and people would visit and “like” my posts and comment with words like, “Nice article,” or “Good job.” At first I hung on every click of the like button, and sponged up the positive feedback like it was a clear spring in the middle of the desert. In short, I had no clue what a blog could be.

It took me a while, but I started to make friends of the visitors to what I thought of as my little room. I found out that, even better than “likes” and faint praise, there could be actual discussion in them thar comment boxes. The “Nice work!”s transmuted from overgrown paths leading into my blog to highways full of people who related to what I was saying. And as they came back again and again, and we got to know each other, my room expanded. It evolved. It became a world.

With the expansion of my world, so too have my ideals. I appreciate this community so much that I want others to share in it. Rather than long, dry articles, I revel in the fact that I’m able to help people connect through their relatable experiences. I realised the potential that WordPress holds when I joined Dylan Dailey for “Every Damn Day December,” where I discovered how pingbacks work and how participating in a prompt can aid in the discovery of other bloggers – and in being discovered.

I launched “Just Jot it January” in a bid to keep the connections going between other bloggers, and I recently started “Stream of Consciousness Saturday” (SoCS) in order to keep the ball rolling.

It seems the more I perpetuate these connections, the more my blog evolves. A comment regarding the crappy little posts that I’ve been writing of late which seem more to bring in “likes” and less content, caused me to examine my reasons for blogging. Sure, I’ve given up the lofty goal of always writing awesome posts – but in doing so I’ve come to do what is more authentically me, and part of my nature, and that is to help people. I’ve realised in the last year that I don’t have the ability to write, much less come up with, long yet entertaining articles on a daily basis. I’m a novelist. For now, that’s what I want to concentrate on. That’s not to say my crappy little posts aren’t beneficial to me – I pay attention to views to see which opening lines get people’s attention, which is something I’ve been advised is essential to selling a novel.

By writing short posts that encourage involvement from my audience, I hope people are discovering one another. All they have to do is look around themselves in my comments – a warm, caring community is that close.

Come and visit my world: Feel free, anytime, to talk amongst yourselves when you’re there.

Collaborative SEO – Powerblogging On Steriods

Opinionated Man:

Three things. 1 – WordPress has been unfollowing people randomly for some reason. Why did I just have to refollow you? 2 – I also like Malone’s site. 3 – Is it strange I didn’t know about your .com website?
Thanks for the kind words and for sending me the link. I needed the pickmeup after having two strikes thrown at me in a row. -OM
Note: Comments disabled here, please comment on their post.

Originally posted on Don Charisma:

I’ve been kicked in the teeth, hard, plenty of times. As one ages it’s harder to get back up, dust oneself off and get back on it. Age brings with it wisdom which is the gift of time.

One of the things I so realised when I’ve been knocked down is that we can’t do *everything* on our own, or it’s incredibly difficult to do it on one’s own. Social media only serves to re-iterate the point. So my perspective is that we need to learn ways to “do it” in relationship with other people, bringing each other up.

A movie I like is “Scarface” and this kind of serves to illustrate my point. Yes Tony becomes incredibly successful, but his problem is that he’s done it on his own, he’s not really sharing his success with anyone else, or letting anyone enjoy their success. It’s got some elements of…

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Your Audience is Not Your Friend

You may find that after you gain a certain number of readers you will begin to feel “secure” in your own environment. This is not a bad thing and a writer should feel comfortable in their own “realm.” I get emails asking me how I write on the hard topics without pause. I have an easy answer for this. Only write on highly charged subjects if you are prepared to fight the good fight alone.

The meaning of my title is pretty straight forward. Don’t rely on your audience to defend you or to support your views. Instead, only write on topics that you are willing to defend, possibly debate, or expound on further. If you are unwilling to suffer the criticism that comes from writing an article, don’t write the post.

Many new readers and perhaps some of my old followers possibly feel that I sit around and brain storm ideas for articles that will generate debate and contention. While I will agree that my writing style does seem to generate this atmosphere, I can assure each of you that my posts are as random as they can possibly be… and still originate from the same brain. I simply enjoy poking anything I can with a stick and watching the ants run. That doesn’t mean I walk around with a stick though…

As you make connections on WordPress you will encounter people that will become “friends” to an extent. I am still of the habit of always being aware of reality, and that reality is that “friends” are always around when it is sunny. As soon as a few drops of rain come, however, they quickly find greener pastures to settle into. Your audience is not your friend.

-Opinionated Man

Blogging: They Aren’t Coming Back…

I often tell you that I don’t count on return visits from my followers. I want to share with you a stat image that will further highlight this fact.


You will notice from my graph that there are definite times when my website goes up in views and then trails off to a smaller number. The normal four days or so of heightened views is due in part to my posts, but mainly due to my follower gathering methods.

You see I pick and choose when my website gets viewed heavily and when it becomes dormant. I control this through adjusting my three focus points on blogging and in doing so I adjust the “potential viewers” according to the output. Whether I am currently writing, about to post, or have just posted something I think is of value that is when I pump my numbers towards my blog. When my “weekend comes” and I decide to relax my numbers begin to fall significantly. This is all to show that my website fluctuates, just like many of yours do. It is a normal thing unless you are able to harness corporate traffic.

Most bloggers will tell you that to have a successful website you must have “focus,” a clear goal or blogging subject, and that you must post consistently to get views and new followers. Most bloggers don’t have any clue what they are talking about. They are simply repeating what they have read or what they are told and have NO REAL DATA to even go by. They are just talking. I don’t listen to “most bloggers” and neither should you.

I post when I want, what I want, and even TO whomever I want. What do I mean by “to” whomever I want? Part of gaining attention to a post or article isn’t always looking for those that will agree. I purposefully draw in large numbers of people that will “potentially” hate my work. I do this because you can easily get more views from someone that hates everything they are reading on a site than from someone that totally agrees with everything you have wrote. Most people that find a website “in line with their beliefs” will skim and save that address, but they may never revisit. Why would they? They already agree with everything you wrote so reading your work is much like reading their own thoughts. That quickly becomes boring because people are drawn to controversy and debate these days.

“They aren’t coming back…” I remember saying this to myself in my second month of blogging. It was when I began to fully understand the relationship I was creating with my readers and the potentially “deceitful” value that it had. Sure I found and you will also find bloggers that instantly connect with you. Those connections many times have an expiration date that is never clear, but normally comes around the time you suddenly stop seeing their username anymore as a comment. It happens and will always happen. If you are serious about building an audience they cannot have a face, it must be an ever changing and growing thing. When you begin to “depend” on certain audience members for views you will find yourself waiting by the door. Guess what?

They aren’t coming back…


Blogging – Everyone becomes a Silent Reader… and some always were

It takes a lot to get a response from someone. That person either has to be the “talkative type” or has to connect with the words on your blog… somewhere on your blog. It can either be the article, post, comments, a bio page perhaps, or something that draws the reader to feel the need to respond. You can write wild articles, shooting from the hip like a Wild Westerner, not that we would know ANY bloggers that do that, and possibly generate some responses. You can post great artwork that moves the soul… that will generally pull forth an “awesome!” from someone. But how do you generate meaningful responses on a consistent basis?

There are ways and there are ways. I’ll share some. You will find some bloggers that write well thought out posts. They are generally consistent on their subject matter, but the posts provide references and backstory fit for a page. I personally don’t come to WordPress to read that type of article. CNN is a hell of a lot less letters than WordPress so… I would just go to CNN. I come to WP to find unfiltered thought and raw feeling. I look for those articles, even if it comes in some other artistic form.

Blogging is not a new thing. Those of us starting recently, like I am actually, are late to the party. There are already tables being eaten at and the obvious “cool kids” and “not so cool kids” are separated as usual. The great thing about the internet is that there are no borders and we can still stake out our own claim in this place. People that think in “borders” and thoughts of “that has been done” are drawing constraining lines against their own potential. They lack the skill to look outside the need to even think of a “box scenario.” That is their own shortcoming and they have to combat that somehow.

I have spent the better part of this past year breaking down fences and drawing readers out. I have a lot of silent readers and I appreciate all of them. There are only a handful that habitually comment and that is what I mean by my title. They ALL become silent readers eventually, you have to keep working at getting NEW readers. My methods aren’t for everyone, but the point is that if you are looking for comments and “feedback” as so many have expressed then you must seek new readers. How do you do that? How did I find you? Visit other pages, seek out people writing on similar topics, find people from your country, and do all this by tag searching. It is that simple, the work is ON you. That is the thing that drew me to my current business model. With blogging you get as much as you put in, that is the fairest relationship you could ask for.

-Opinionated Man

Why My Blog is No Different from Yours

I don’t work for WordPress. I have seen some comments speculating that I do… which I find amusing since if I did indeed work for WordPress I probably wouldn’t be blogging so much would I? I think it is people trying to find an “excuse” for why other people are successful. I read a long string of reasons why they feel their own website isn’t worth reading so I thought it would be fun to compare and contrast some of the more popular ones.

My website is plain and I don’t even own my domain. No one would want to visit my blog.” The only think I paid for was my domain. I still use a FREE template and all customizations done on this website were done by me. It took time and effort, but it was worth learning “how.” You can use excuses all day to explain why people aren’t visiting your blog, but this is not a valid one. Everyone has a potential audience on WordPress.

No one will want to read what I write especially if it is personal.” Well that is simply not true. People come on WordPress to read personal views and unfiltered thought. If we wanted politically correct articles we would visit or some other “crowd pleasing website.” The first step is finding yourself interesting and only you can do that.

“I don’t have a theme… what kind of blog doesn’t have a subject theme or some direction?” HarsH ReaLiTy has no theme. My blog has no direction. People still get onboard for the ride daily… even though we have no clue where the hell we are going! At least I provide alcohol.

“It takes time to grow an audience. Large blogs aren’t grown overnight…” I absolutely hate this saying or any quote like it. People love to think up excuses as to why they are not succeeding or getting where they wish to go. The whole “Rome wasn’t built in a day” view is worn out. In fact Rome might have been built in a day if Koreans had lived there. You can accomplish any goal you really work at in blogging. There are no rules or standards and other bloggers that suggest to you that there are have no clue what they are talking about. They are simply impressing their own limitations on you. Ignore them and do you.

“I will never have a large following because I will never be Freshly Pressed.” When I read sentences like this I want to shoot something. This is such a horrible way of viewing blogging. I have never been Freshly Pressed and will most likely never be in the future. You control your audience size… not Freshly Pressed.

-Opinionated Man

How many of you are real?

I see a lot of speculation by bloggers on whether or not their followers are real. Often this is due to a lack of views or comments from their “audience” which results in frustration over seeing a high subscriber number… but no interaction. I find this is a waste of time and it is even more ironic when I see people speculating on it that I know “are not out for the numbers.” Then what are you worried about?

Even if I had 40,000 robots reading my posts and none of you were real people it wouldn’t stop me from going to find new readers. That is the “part” people tend to miss. They sit around and moan about why they aren’t getting more comments, why someone hasn’t visited in a while, or why their posts aren’t getting the views they used to. You all must realize that EVERYONE becomes a silent reader eventually.

Blogging can be like online dating, it can be like real life friendship… it can basically be whatever you wish it to be. The old saying “you get back what you put in” is so true for blogging. I have found it so. I do not sit around and wonder “Why hasn’t Linda or Doobster visited in a while? Did I offend them?” Why? Because I would rather daydream about running over bunnies than to sit and speculate about the lives of people I know online. I have this thing called a “life” that generally leaves me little time for that.

Stop worrying about your subscriber number if it truly means nothing to you. If you honestly don’t care about the numbers that are associated with your blog then stop speculating on how many “spam bots” you have following you. There really are far more interesting things to write on people and unless you make it pretty damn funny… it is always going to read like a whine.



Guest Post – My Digital Eye Queue Photography – 2

Hi, it’s me again, and this time our airborne creatures are a variety of butterflies. Some are in flight, caught at just a lucky shutter click, others are feasting cross-species.  And the blue pair, well, they are simply my favorites!

As to the three species photo, a little background.  You will only find multiple species groupings usually at a prime food source.  You can accomplish this yourself by placing fruit rinds (cantaloupe and watermelon are favorites) on a patio table and waiting. Do be warned that often you will have another guest – the praying mantis.  I have a complete series of a butterfly buffet, in more ways than one.  Once I locate it, I’ll be posting it at my photoblog site.

The two other places you will often find cross-species feeding, you probably don’t want to try and set up :)  Butterflies are also carrion feeders and dung feeders. The two feeding photos were taken near a couple day old deer carcass my Great Pyrenees delightfully dragged home (cough, cough)

OM RS CR DSC_3686 OM CR RS Butterfly Pair OM RS CR Feeding DSC_2328


My other blogs on Poetic Work - The Impetuarian , and my primary writing blog - Sunflower Solace Farm are also found here on WordPress.

Thanks for taking another peek, and as always, a pleasure to meet new bloggers!


Disabling comments is Weak

I don’t understand bloggers that write highly charged articles and then disable the comments section. Are you that weak in the backbone that you won’t allow anyone to make a comment that might not agree with you? How sad must your world be where you only wish to spout your views and not allow anyone to disagree. I am as stubborn as they come and don’t “change my views” just because people or society tells me to, but I still allow people to call me an idiot in my comment section. It doesn’t faze me because I hold onto my beliefs. I need no help from moderation to do that.

If you feel so scared that you need to disable your comment section you should probably stop writing on social media. In fact I would suggest buying a notebook instead. You are obviously not cut out for this.

Yes, this rant is because I tried to comment on someone’s article and there was no option to. So freaking lame. And YES I do read blog posts daily…


Guest Post – Entertainers – Love, Loathing and Overcoming Foolishness

Call it a sin but this Okie does not like Toby Keith. You heard me right and it is unfortunate. He has some (some = not a lot) pretty good songs but when one comes on the radio, with a quick flip of the wrist, I divert the dial. For some reason his antics from the 90′s and his, seemingly, arrogant nature leaves me feeling as though the chip on his shoulder will never get lighter. Neither will I ever patronize his restaurant again.  Instead of “I Love This Bar and Grill” it should have been called “An Ode To TK” because of the enormous, and I mean enormous, wall art of his likeness. (He kinda likes to make himself out to be a bigger deal than he actually is…putting him in my loathe category).

Thank you for sticking with me through that. I do not often just come out on here and share my loathing about an individual or situation. However, it was a nice way to transition into my favorite entertainer who had me questioning him previously in his career but redeemed himself back to the top of my faves list.

Enter Robert Downey Jr..

Although he has been acting since he was a young child he did not find true career success until 2008. This is was due to rampant drug use and alcohol up to 2001 .  After stints in jail and rehab RDJ came to the realization that he truly wants to want help to succeed in sobriety. His whole ordeal puts him in my love category. Not only is he a phenomenal actor but a poster actor for those nit wit young adult actors who need to get their crap together. Justin Beiber, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus and the like could learn a few things from this man. They need to learn that their careers are not over because of young adult mistakes. If they can turn it around and find a friend and confidant, as Robert Downey Jr. did in Mel Gibson, then there is a chance we can see them as the extraordinary entertainers they can be and not the ne’er do well pinheads they are portraying themselves as.

Is there a particular entertainer you love or loathe? Share with me. I love to hear from you.

There is more where this came from at

Guest Posting on HarsH ReaLiTy

I hope that people take time to consider before whimsically signing up to write a few guest posts here on my blog. As much as I enjoy seeing the sharing of differing opinions, I hope that people solidify their resolve before entering these doors.

I do not play “babysitter” on this blog. I rarely will interject when I see a debate or heated argument going on because we should ALL be adults here. If you aren’t mature enough for the discussions on this website then go to a softer blog. If you can’t handle someone telling you “Hey! Fuck off! This is my opinion!” then you don’t belong here. You never did.

I welcome still anyone that wishes to take a turn at the wheel. I don’t do this often so I am glad that some people are taking me up on my offer. I still have a waiting list for those of you that have already submitted emails to me. I appreciate the patience.

To people interested in writing or sharing some posts on HarsH ReaLiTy. I urge you to read some of the guest posts and more importantly the conversations in the comment sections. I have worked hard to gather an audience here that pulls no punches, even with me. Actually I would say especially with me. I never set out to seek a groupie fan club, but instead an opinionated crowd willing and eager to share their own views. Even if they contradict your own.

Thanks again,


Yorr Tightle Is Missspeled

I have horrible grammar and punctuation, but luckily there are programs that can help with that issue. What can’t be helped is human laziness.

One of the biggest turnoffs from a post is a title that is misspelled. Seriously, how hard is it to run that title through spellcheck with the rest of your post? I realize many people write the titles separately and sometimes directly into WordPress, thus bypassing the crucial step of proofreading, but that is still not an excuse for a title being wrong for days. Especially when there are comments and we know you are forced to revisit that post constantly!

If you want readers start with showing pride in your work. Proofread and spellcheck please… especially the TITLE! You don’t have to write well to gain an audience, but your audience will appreciate you not showing your ass constantly by being a lazy blogger.


Do you have a mentor? A writing group?

Sometimes I wonder what I am missing out on. I have no writing mentor, teachers, or writing groups that I am a part of. I am sure there are some of those in Denver… I often wonder if other bloggers are meeting in my city and state. Would they want to meet me?

I am envious of people that have support groups and people they can rely on to give them unfiltered truth. I think it is invaluable in building yourself as a better writer. “Friends” are for fluff, but having a truly critical group that isn’t afraid to break apart your writing is a good thing if you really want to get better. I do.

I have never played well with others. Even when I make “connections” I rarely make one that lasts or stands the test of time. It is in my nature to wander where I wish… how I wish. That type of life doesn’t leave much room for companionship, which on a normal basis wouldn’t bother me. Still it is nice to connect with others especially on things you are equally passionate about.

Would you meet me?


Guest Post – Borderline Personality Disorder – The Tour Ride

I have written about Borderline Personality Disorder from scientific approach, writing my own story about it, but know I have a new goodie for you.

Symptom by symptom from a BPD perspective in the real life.

It’s not funny, but sometimes it is. It’s not scary, but sometimes it is.

Read it on your own precaution. No, I’m just kidding, it won’t hurt and it doesn’t bite!


So they there are, the BPD symptoms (according to DSM-TR-IV diagnostic system):


1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

“Do not leave me, please!!”, even if I smashed a vase on your head a second ago, because I was angry at you, hated you a second ago, now I love you, again.


2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation:

“You’re such a nice person, never ever anyone understood me so well! I’ll call you for a coffee tomorrow again!” In the next two days you are erased from my FB and phone contacts, because you are just an evil bitch who fakes being my friend. You are not worth it. You do not exist for me anymore.


3. Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self:

A year ago, I was a little pretty girl, with shiny curly long hair, wearing skirts, high heels, dresses with flowers and Hello Kitty bag. Today, I have an inch of hair on my head, I have at least ten tattoo’s and ten piercings. I wear black clothes all the time and the millitary boots.


4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating):

Ok, I am not spending money,I don’t have an eating disorder anymore(I was anorexic), and I do not engage in sexual crusades. But reckless driving, oh my, it turned into my hobby! And substance abuse, you mean taking that Klonopin as much as I want to, and not in the way it is prescribed? A lot, every day in fact.


5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior:

Six suicide attempts, one reanimation after overdosing myself properly. Self-harm in episodes of total blackness. Treating to kill myself, often, and when I say that, I mean it.


6. Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days):

For an hour I’m an emotional wreck, numb, totally unresponsive. In the next hour I’m painting the walls and happily run around singing my favourite song. Then, I lose myself in anger because of some really unimportant stuff somebody said. Smashing things around. After that I’m depressed : “Leave me the hell alone, I just want to sleep”. Rollercoaster ride without amusement.


7. Chronic feelings of emptiness:

I am often and mostly empty inside, as someone erased everything leaving an empty shell. Numb.


8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights):

Oh yes. That’s me. please do not approach me, or keep yourself at proper distance. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you! Everything can set me on – people on the street, idiots in the cars, friends, family. And I cannot control that. I yell, I threat, I smash, I hit. I have never ever harmed truly another person, or I would do that. But the feeling of doing it,comes really often.


9. Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms:

“Who the hell is that person in the mirror?”. I don’t recognize myself. Everything is foggy and distant. Once, I thought that somebody is going to kill me. Who?Have no idea, but I was sure about it. My family stopped me from calling the police, and called 911 instead, putting me in the ICU mental ward. Good choice.

Yes, that’s it. And yes, I tried it all.


And now, my favourite symptom : The Impulsivity.

I love this one. Why? Because when it hits me, I have no idea what’s gonna happen next.

By that I mean, when it hits me in a positive way, and not in the way of overdosing on the meds or self-harm. That’s not fun at all.

So, my fun impulsivity side had brought laughter on some occasions.

Gratefully, I’m not into shopping, because I simply hate shopping and the shopping malls, and spending the money is just not my thing.

But I’m impulsive about other things, for example:

1. Hey, it’s a nice day, let’s just drive off into nowhere and have fun!I prefer woods and meadows, so I mostly end up there.

Where? In the woods.

Where? No idea.

2. Hey, how about changing my appearance? New haircut!

And who needs professionals to do it, I also have scissors!

The end result is incredible, mostly for my friends, relatives and any other human that meets me in the street.

The usual comment: “OMG, not again! You look like your head was thrown under the lawn mower!”. Great.

3. Hey, let’s go buy some really unnecessary tech ware!

Or, I’d like a new cell phone, now, now!

Damn my obsession with laptops, Pads, mobile Phones and LED TV’s.

4. I really do not need that piece of clothing anymore.

Put it into the trash.

Tomorrow: “Where’s my favourite skirt?!”


I really like myself sometimes, because I have no idea what will my brain do in the next minute. That makes me unpredictable, but amazingly interesting.

So, people around me perceive it like I’m a fun to be around, ’cause they never know whats gonna happen next.

Of course, if it hits me on the bright side.

You can also perceive this as not fun at all, but the dark impulsivity is a place you never want to go.

I tried to explain the symptoms through real life episodes, and I think that’s much more understandable way of getting the picture of the “BPD feeling”.

I really hope you got the picture what it is like, to be, to feel BPD every day.


Tina The Mess :

The Writer

He struggles; internally his emotions are a tangle as he sorts through the labyrinth of his own mind. On the outside he is calm, a placid lake. He chews his pen and contemplates his next piece. Like the artist, with their visual minds, a writer can see their finished work. It is sometimes a distant horizon, an unsure future over a faraway hill, and yet the writer knows it is there. Much like a blind man can still feel the warmth of the sunlight on his face, so too can the author feel something important is about to climax.

His pen moves like a paintbrush, painting the canvas of the reader’s mind with tales and stories never seen or heard before. It is this foreign invasion of ideas and dreams that draw people to reading. It is why the writer is. The pen may just be mightier than the sword, for daily it conjures up whole armies of men with passion, demonic adversaries, and stories of triumph. What sword has ever lived through as many painful lives, joyous memories, and future aspirations as a pen does for any with the strength of arm to wield it.

The writer remains motionless, but if you could peel back his skull and see the gears turning it would inspire even the oldest clock maker to find his passion again. Beautiful to behold, and yet it is at the same time scary to imagine what such a mind might do if trapped or tormented forever. The words that might erupt from such a mountain, astonishing anger could certainly come from this same source. The writer simply smiles at these notions; to the writer his body represents a beacon channeling thought onto paper, parchment, or even dirt. To record our past is to ensure our future learns and becomes better from it. Well, we can hope this is true. Such notions are for scholars, the writer just writes.


GUEST POST — Serendipitous Encounters

I wish I could tell you how long it has been, but I can’t remember. It feels like forever since the last time I spoke to you. In all actuality, I probably remember the exact day, the exact time. I remember where I was, what I was wearing. I remember thinking it was too good to be true, that you shouldn’t be standing there in front of me. When I said your name, I was hoping someone else would answer, saying “I’m sorry, I don’t know who that is.” But, my greatest dream and biggest fear came true all at once–I saw you again.

I had the privilege of telling you that I had made progress in my life–that I had been working in DC and making a name for myself there. I got to tell you about my travels to Colorado and my relationship at the time. I got to tell you that I was happy and I could clearly see that you were too. I caught a glimpse of our friendship–a friendship that I thought had died along with your love for me. But it hadn’t. And I believe it still hasn’t. I could tell you were happy and I hope you know that I was, am, and always will be happy for you.

I wish I could tell you that I’m still happy; that I may not be with anyone right now, but I am happy. My career comes first, and I have certainly got my career going: working in DC and having a temporary full-time position in the government agency that stole my heart.

When I saw you, I didn’t believe it. When I see you behind the facade of social networking, I don’t believe you’re real. I can barely remember your voice, your smile–even when I see pictures of it. It scares me to be losing those things, but perhaps that’s all a part of healing.

When you left me, a part of me died. I lost what mattered most to me. I lost what I loved and it took a very long time for me to be able to pick up the pieces. Eventually, I did. And now, I’m hoping I get to see you again, just to make sure that you know that I am happy.

Contributed by Jessica at http://paintedturtleshells.wordpress.comImage