Weekend Share a Post


I’ll open the board up for this weekend. Feel free and share a post, link, or blog here. Self-promotion is accepted. All bloggers except two are welcome.

Authors you may share book covers if you know the coding and “how to.”

-OM

@smokendust

9 Reasons Not to Sue Opinionated Man


Don’t hate me for using third person above. I couldn’t help it.

1. Capture

 

2. Although the Cushman family traces its lineage to David Cushman who came over with the Mayflower our family fortune went into golf carts and property. Unfortunately I have never been invited to the investors meetings… but I am holding out hope I am the illegitimate son of someone rich out there! Hopefully not Kim Jong-un.

3. You won’t find me! I am changing my name to Chang and moving to China! Good luck!

4. I can’t afford a lawyer so I would have to defend myself in court. I guarantee it would turn into a circus that no one, you included, would want to observe. Trust me on that.

5. My wife will beat me.

6. If I fail to pay and have to go to jail I would look awful in an orange jumpsuit. Yellow and orange really don’t go well together.

7. They don’t serve kimchi in prison. Don’t send me there… that would be hell.

8. If you sue me I may die laughing. While that sounds like a pleasant way to “go out” my kids would just be baffled and confused. “You mean daddy actually died laughing?…”

9. I would have to take a second job to pay off the debt. The only other thing I am qualified to do is make French Fries and I really don’t want to do that again.

-Opinionated Man

10 Reasons Why Feminists are So Angry!


1. The Broncos lost the Superbowl. I can understand the outrage actually, I am still upset as well!

2. Some Dairy Queen Restaurants have started to not serve hamburgers and instead ONLY serve hotdogs and shakes. I know! It is the largest scam since the $10 beer at baseball games. I want my freaking burger!

3. There is a package of cheese that now “advertises” their new packaging is half the size of the old container. The issue here is that they are basically saying “look at all the plastic we have been wasting for so many years! But don’t worry we finally fixed it 30 years later! It just feels like I am getting cheated.

4. I misspell misogyny all the time. Could there honestly be a harder word to spell? I think feminists created the word on purpose to make us feel stupid while trying to write it. And by “us” I mean the other misogynists and me.

5. Wolverine cried in the 3rd X-Men. I absolutely hate that Wolverine sat there and blubbered for minutes moaning “Jeannnnnn!!!!” What a kitten.

6. All these “rice rockets” try to race me. I am driving a “fully loaded DOWN” Toyota Camry with two car seats and a few maintenance lights on in the dashboard. I am not racing anyone… go the fuck away!

7. I keep reading posts about Israel and Palestine that are so horribly written it makes me wonder if the writer actually knows where those countries are located on a map.

8. People that hate guns don’t understand the difference between a semi-automatic and a fully automatic weapon. I love how people embellish clip sizes too because they have no clue how many bullets actually go into each weapon. They probably still watch those movies where the “heroes” never run out of bullets in a gun fight. “Why do people need a magazine with fifty rounds?!?” Really? Fifty?

9. “Immigration is a “new” problem.” Right… so new huh.

10. Holy water doesn’t work on most people. It really should.

Note: On second thought these might actually be reasons why I am angry… not feminists. My bad!

-Opinionated Man

10 Annoying Things People Say


1. “I hope you don’t get offended by this but…” You are about to say something that is going to make me want to punch you in the face right? I never understood why people feel the need to say this. It must be due to a weak backbone because they normally follow this phrase with something highly offensive. “I hope you don’t get offended by this but… have you gained weight?” Why yes I have and thank you! I am not offended at all!

2. “When I was young.” I seriously think you have to be holding a cane to say this. I actually had a boss once say this to me and when I asked him his age he was younger than I was. Dude… shut your mouth, when you were young indeed.

3. “I’m the type of guy/girl that…” Why don’t you just show me instead of telling me? Honestly if you need to tell people “the type of person you are” you must not be living the real you or they would ALREADY KNOW. And if you are telling this to a new acquaintance just know it is annoying as shit unless you are famous and even if you are famous you better be Anthony Bourdain interesting. Half the time the people actually will do that thing anyways…

4. “How’s it going?” I don’t know why people say “how’s it going” when you pass them in the hall at work. I feel like a jerk if I don’t say a “same shit different day” phrase or something more than “hey!” Maybe I am just anti-social.

5. “You wouldn’t understand.” Is it because I am Korean? I am stupid? I am male? I am tall? I am skinny? I am looking in the wrong direction? God didn’t love me? Why? Why???

6. “I am really good at Starcraft.” LIES! YOU AREN’T KOREAN! I am offended.

7. “I am so tired. I never get any sleep.” Unless you have kids, work two to three jobs to make ends meet, or are in Law/Medical/Architecture school you don’t know tired. Even if you never have kids I still think this is a stupid statement, ask a parent with a couple children how tired they are pumpkin.

8. “Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the NFL.” I hate you.

9. “I am sooo offensive!” You see I never claim to be offensive and in fact I think the whole world should love me. People that say this statement are generally as mild as the yellow packet of sauce from Taco Bell.

10. “America thinks they need to police the world and stick their nose in everyone’s business.” Yea, but you guys sure love to ask us for loans right? How are my tax dollars working out for you? I wonder if our Presidents get slapped in the face before or after we hand out these checks. When is it going to end America? Let the world kill itself.

-OM

 

10 Reasons Why I Don’t Read Your Blog


1. Because you haven’t written anything interesting. You have to catch my eye just like any other reader, any new reader, or even any subscriber you currently have. Don’t blame the readers, look to yourselves bloggers.

2. You don’t post often enough for me to even notice you post at all.

3. I left a comment on your blog and you never responded. If I miss a comment on my blog, which does happen sometimes unintentionally, then I don’t expect those people to return either.

4. You keep changing your gravatar and I don’t recognize you anymore. Believe it or not people the gravatar image is almost as recognizable as your blog address. Don’t change it unless you have to and if you must change it do it once. Not fifty million times.

5. You said you hate my blog and I got my feelings hurt and cried a little bit.

6. You post photos of rabbits, squirrels, clowns, spiders, or anyone from the Patriots.

7. You didn’t link your blog to your username OR I get a 404 error. Getting 404 errors is about as annoying as getting kicked in the nuts. I won’t try twice normally.

8. You post on one topic and I find it boring. Now if you were to start talking about Peyton Manning or Starcraft you might just win a fan.

9. Every post you write is about your book. Every post. Every single post. All the posts on your blog… There are ways to promote without being annoying or killing your blog.

10. This last one is a little more serious. I absolutely hate when a writer assumes that their reader has read every post on their blog. Assume we are new to your website and please walk us through your thoughts. If the post reads like hanging cliff after hanging cliff, with presented link as historical reference, I won’t follow or keep reading. It is just annoying as hell.

-OM

Blogging 101 – Blogging Phrases to Know


“I really enjoyed your article! I wrote a “somewhat” similar post which you can find at http://ThisPostHasNothingAtAllToDoWithYours.com. Thanks again for blogging almost as good as me.”

Basically this is link dropping. The person hasn’t really read your post, perhaps the first sentence only. They just want to try and steal a little of your limelight while your post is currently at the top of other people’s Readers.

“Yet _____”

Any commenter that begins their comment with the word “yet” is about to say some complete horse shit. It might smell good, but it will still be horse shit. Yet they will still say it because they must.

“God said ____”

The Jesus freaks will flay you with these sentences and they follow the scent of blood. Much like any other predator. Be wary of the sentence that begins with “God said ____” because it will normally be followed by a direct quote from the bible… that you could have read by just reading the bible…

“Your SEO is off in a few areas.”

Any SEO marketer that starts the conversation with these words isn’t worth a dime. Don’t pay these people money for worthless lessons on traffic management through blogging and online media. Stop fueling this insane industry people! I share for free my views on blogging HERE. Feel free to read them for no money asked.

“I had a friend once who ___”

The commenter found your post likeable and is about to search desperately for some way to further connect with your words by creating an unrelatable relation to your story. These are always long drawn out back and forth commenting joust sessions that general end with awkward “good byes.”

“Hi I am (insert nationality here) too! Nice to meet you, let’s be BBFFL!” (That is Best Blogging Friends For Life in case you didn’t know)

I generally tell these people to pump the brakes and don’t touch me. People really need to find online cultural dating sites…

“I am glad you are excited about your follower count BUT write for you! Don’t take away from your writing by caring about silly numbers!”

This is said by bloggers that have nothing better to do than to find other bloggers happy about their accomplishments and attempting to bring them down. They don’t see value in their own stats so they don’t want you to either. These bloggers are sad because they claim to care only about writing and yet spend their time commenting on the very articles they claim to not care about.

-OM