The board is open bloggers. Feel free and share a link, post, or project here if you want. Self-promotion is accepted obviously.
Happy Sunday blogging everyone!
Our rooms are painted with emotion as we live our life within them. We play our parts well under sun and stars. No script is needed as our hearts spar daily with one another. So passionate is the act our shadows join in the dance. They smile maniacally back at us as they observe the scene of the day. Random House… you present both ends of the essence of feeling and tie our humanity in a knot. Our hands meet and pause while we consider the mood of the moment. Moments spun together presenting life, the life found within the Random House.
Do you remember the good old days when a company could give shitty service to a customer and then when they complained the corporation could laughingly place them into a caller queue to be redirected to death? When was the first time you heard or read of a story where someone used social media to fight back? Did it inspire you or make you curious?
The World fears us bloggers. We are unbridled, unprofessional peons with keyboards. We are supposed to know our place in this consumer enslaved world. We go to work, we make our pennies, and then we spend our money right back on the companies we work for. That is how the circle of life is painted in most portraits that sit behind current CEO desks.
The day that the average chump decided that they weren’t going to be just another customer was the day the Corporate World learned fear. Suddenly the guy wearing a hoody at register eight might very well be a social media giant that won’t put up with bullshit customer service. He won’t put up with rude servers or pompous managers. What is his weapon of choice? It is held by a holster or in his pocket… a simple cell phone with internet ability and a WordPress Ap.
That hoody is suddenly a fucking cape.
She comes into your life and brings nature’s blessing. And with her entrance comes a curse of wanton passion. The grass is still alive as it blazes in the sun. The chorus of our laughter floats gently in the Spring breeze. We are the definition of love and our hands are linked as we dance amongst the growing and the grown alike. We enjoy timeless sunsets on picturesque settings creating canvases waiting to be painted at each moment. We love.
Time works wonders and bonds grow firm. We resolve to walk quietly into the night together. Hands held tightly against the shadows we once faced alone. We pick each other up in the heat of the Summer, against the blazing sun and humanity’s punishment. We turn as one, in unison with one another’s needs. I am your need and you are mine. And like an oak tree we grow together.
The rain has come and we have weathered storms. We still touch… but sometimes our hands Fall like leaves from our tired limbs. The chatter of children running around our base keeps us united, we are still united with finger painted signs and chalk figures. But some nights are cold and the moon shines two shadows upon the ground.
It snows here in Denver. The Winter seems to be most of the year… at least lately. But even with the constant ice, it does melt with the strength of will. A will we share each morning and return to each night. The seasons form a timeless ring that hardens into a golden promise. They touch each time our hands unite with infused emotion. Regardless of what emotion that is the presence of feelings means that we still care.
I never thought I would keep this blog this long. Some have asked me why I do it. Why give out advice for free, why spend the time helping people, and why am I basically… writing for free. My wife has been nudging me towards looking for better work in the IT field. Become a programmer or developer. I want to be a writer.
Some people have asked (realize when I say “some people” it is because I am lazy) what my plans are. They assume I have a plan and I have read a small portion of the comments. One person I think wrote that I did Project O so I could steal everyone’s answers and write a book. Or something to that affect. I tried and I sold only one copy and that was to my mom… I guess you all weren’t that interesting. Some people are just idiots. That time I said some people because I wanted to.
The harsh reality of life. We contemplate these things at night. Sipping our cheap $9 merlot and typing away our sorrows at 1 am because we just got off a “swing shift” if you can even call it that. But this isn’t a complaint. And honestly I would rather not get a bunch of “hang in there old boy… you can do it.” Unless you are wearing a hat, chewing a cigar, and look like Gatsby save the old boy stuff.
I don’t feel like doing things the way others do things. You ever feel like you know what you want but of course it is the “getting there” that is the problem? Fucking brass ring is just swinging in the air… just teasing the shit out of you. This isn’t some light in the tunnel analogy, it is reality. It is wanting a goal and knowing that one day you will get that goal. One day you’ll turn around and be able to say “I told you so” because you know what? Saying “I told you so” feels fucking great!
Jason Chandler Cushman
I rarely give advice to people. I normally follow my own rules and allow everyone else to fuck up their own lives at will. If I went around fixing everyone’s problems then I would have nothing to laugh at on a daily basis. This might be long so I am going to number them. We are going to pretend people are actually asking me for my advice on this post.
1. Dear OM, my girlfriend cheated on me. How do I get her back?
My dear friendly idiot, you don’t get her back. You date her friend.
2. Dear OM, my girlfriend is a vegan. How do I survive this relationship?
No human can resist the smell of cooked meat. Chances are your girlfriend is actually an alien. She is probably going to eat you while you sleep. There is zero chance of survival.
3. Dear OM, my wife gets mad when I drink more than one beer. She said if I drink more than one I become a “different person.” She also says that someone that doesn’t have a “problem” should be able to do without alcohol. What do I do?
It is always sad when a person is separated from a gift from God. Alcohol was given to man so that he may ignore the pains from the day’s labor… as well as from his wife. Without it we are transformed into gentle, easily molded creatures that oddly resemble… children. I suggest a strong conversation with your woman OR learning the correct combination of vodka to mouth wash. Also please tell her that the “different person” you become is called FUN… fun is good to have around.
4. Dear OM, I see you speak on many topics but you rarely give advice. Why is that?
I own a small mailbox that is shaped like a bird’s house… on welfare. All the hate mail would never fit.
5. Dear OM, I noticed your name is Opinionated Man. Why did you feel the need to clarify that you were a man and not just an opinionated person?
I am reminded I am a man every time I walk, the right gust of wind hits me, and from the look of wonder on a woman’s face when she learns I can cook. I am reminded of the fact I am a male so many times on a daily basis that I figured I might as well start being proud of it.
6. Dear OM, I am 25 and blog regularly. I hold back because I am afraid of what my friends and family might think of my “true opinions.” How do I get past that?
You are 25 for Christ’s sake. Grow the fuck up!
1. Stalk them online for months until you know everything about them. Then one day drop the bomb. Comment on their post, but tie everything in that they have ever said for the past year into one paragraph. You will impress the shit out of them… or scare the living shit out of them. Who wouldn’t love that?
2. Ask for help every day on every post. People LOVE to be helpful. It works seriously.
3. Naked photo of self or hotter self.
4. Pretend to be a little younger than you are and if you are really old a lot younger than you are.
5. Don’t tell people you have kids. I torture my readers with pictures of my kids all the time only because I am mean as hell.
6. Steal pictures off the internet of new locations so it looks like you travel the world every day. Be sure and include a new car, bottles of champagne, and hot women of course.
7. Pretend to be dying.
8. Battle a shark, youtube it, and lose.
9. Write offensive material that no one should give a shit about, but they probably all will.
10. Just tell us about your day. No one else is living that day but you so someone will find it interesting.
I know everyone hates generalizations so I was really happy when I came across this article in the International Society of Percentage Purists. I had no clue there was such a group! All percentages, facts, and direct quotes can be credited to the ISPP for this article. Thanks ISPP!
- Scientists are now 90% sure that extraterrestrial life exists. They are also 90% sure that E.T. is on his way here. I found a new percentage that 90% of the scientists in this field actually think aliens might already be here. It is amazing how many 90%s one can find in one article.
- Males are losing their intelligence on average at a 2.5% depreciation rate annually. This is “OK” if you ask me because it is nature’s way of weeding out the less intelligent. Natural selection is a bitch.
- When going to a new destination I get lost 75% of the time. I ask for help 0% of the time. I need 0% interaction from the wife during these troubling times.
- To the fake soldiers and fake veterans, yes they exist. 50% of the “war heroes” you meet probably did far less then they say. This is not to say there aren’t real kick ass soldiers out there. I myself served but never heard a shot fired in anger during my time in. I did however rescue those captured marines in that village armed with only a knife and a composite bow. Any similarity to the movie Rambo is mere coincidence.
- Condoms work 99% of the time. I find it amazing that there is only a 1% accident rate when we know for a fact that more than 1% of the world’s population is stupid. That actually makes condoms pretty freaking awesome.
- I believe 93% of the mountains I have seen in my life are fake. They never moved and I never seemed to get closer to them.
- Women will argue with 50% of the things men say and have a 13% laziness factor when it comes to vigilance in this matter. Men will WANT to argue with 99.9% of the things women say, but our 99.9% laziness factor in relationships is a real burden on our motivation.
- 78.3% of the blog posts you read will be bullshit. They will still be more interesting than real news most of the time.
- People that meet Asians guess the wrong nationality 145% of the time. The reason it is over 100% is because you ALL carry the leftover points from the moron that asked me which boat I came on. I flew here asshole!
- I will offend 100% of the people I meet at least once in my life. If you honestly think you have never offended those close to you I hate to be there when the lawyer shows up with those “unexpected” papers. “Honey what happened to us???”
Check out this link for some great sand art! My sand art always turns out brown… -OM
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Those things we do. I have many vivid memories of obvious mistakes I have made in my life. Some were major and others minor. I suppose my project has put me in a reflective mood, so I thought I would share a few.
“You want my autograph?” – I remember hearing my name. “Jason!!! COME UPSTAIRS NOW!!!” I of course proceeded to climb those stairs as slowly as possible. You never want to rush into things you know are a bad situation and anytime you hear your mom use that high pitched, shrill sounding voice you know shit has literally hit the fan. Like any other seven year old I had a number of things I “thought” she might be angry at, but I wouldn’t know what it actually was till I saw her. “Did you write in sharpie on your brother’s window sill” my mother immediately asked upon my arrival. I did what any other boy my age would have done. I lied. “Nope, wasn’t me…” I said confidently. “THEN WHY DOES IT SAY YOUR NAME?” Oh… oops…
Betrayal At Krondor – This was my favorite PC game as a kid and it was light years ahead of other rpg games! Unfortunately at the age of 14 I did not have a PC of my own… this was back in 1995 in case you were curious. I solved this problem by formatting my mother’s hard drive so it would fit the 9 hard disks required for downloading the game. How was I to know that format meant – remove forever! I remember thinking at the time, while being yelled at, that it was a serious flaw to place a self-destruct button on a machine that was so valuable.
Dogwoods in Memphis – The first home we lived in on Stonewall had two beautiful dogwoods in the front yard. They were a kid’s dream for climbing and also beautiful to behold once their blossoms opened. I thought at the time that it was a shame that the only thing ugly on that tree was the bark. So I decided to peal it off. I was probably around the age of 8 and I was so proud to show my parents what I had done. It became apparent I had made some type of miscalculation from the look of horror on my mother’s face. My father was furious… it wasn’t like I had cut down a cherry tree or something. In my defense those trees survived and no one ever hugged those branches for dear life like I did.
“Dude Jason… I think we had a wreck…” – We were driving home from Nashville after a night of partying when I fell asleep at the wheel. It had never happened before, but fortunately this time I didn’t hit a car. What I did do was tear up five yards of guard rail, hit a bridge column, and the car ended up catching fire and being destroyed. Did I mention that it happened to be Father’ Day morning and it was possibly my dad’s car…
“Well that doesn’t fit… dammit!!!” – Recently I have discovered I suck at home repairs. I should not be allowed to do them. I decided to surprise my wife by switching out the back sliding door handle with a locking handle instead. Well it helps if you look inside and see what type of door it is. Unfortunately I tried to put a normal lock on a latch handle opening. For those that don’t know, that is kind of like the square peg in the round hole scenario. Needless to say, my wife was pretty pissed at the large hole I had drilled for the handle that didn’t fit.
*Marlboro lights – You remind me of Mary. I miss her dearly. She was a great friend, a confidant, a shining light in my life during a time I needed some light. Taken too soon from us, you will be missed.
*Kids on bikes – I am reminded of when I was younger and still living in Jackson Mississippi. I had a small dirt bike, a hand me down from my brother, and all my friends had nice new “multiple speed” bikes that were just coming out. Needless to say I lost every race. I recall often times throwing my bike into a dirt ditch in frustration.
*Dirt ditches – Anytime I see a street or neighborhood without a sidewalk I am reminded of Jackson, MS. Many of the neighborhoods in Jackson don’t have sidewalks and I get a familiar tingle when I see the same thing in other cities. Ever felt like you were walking down a memory?
*Throwing Stars and nunchucks – I get a vivid memory when I think or see these words. It reminds me of Knoxville, TN. My Asian friends (and the token white dude) were in the parking lot of one of the dorms on campus hanging out. My Filipino friend decided to show us his nunchuck skills. I will say here that he was pretty good. To this day I do not recall any glances of fear or alarm from those passing by, but someone obviously called the cops. A cop car screeched into the parking lot and two white sheriffs stepped out with guns drawn. “Get your hands up and drop the weapon!” We looked at each other in confusion, but of course complied. After making sure we were not a threat, we were left with one last memorable statement. “You boys don’t have any throwing stars or knives do you?” Nice…
*Captain Morgan – Cigarette thrown, angry Korean, guy gets a bloody nose, more rum.
*Wendy’s after midnight – Knoxville, TN we pulled up and ordered almost everything on the menu. As we got to the window we decided it was an appropriate time to spark up. The lady at the window looks over her shoulder for her manager and then says “give me a hit and the food is free.” Win!
*Seattle Washington and stupid buses – So I arrived in Seattle in the summer of the 2000 for the motherland tour to Korea which I write about in my adoption story. I arrived a day earlier so the other people going on the trip were not yet there. One girl was and she invited me to go downtown to the mall to meet some of her friends she had not seen in some time since she was not from Seattle. I agreed and we saw a bit of Seattle and I quickly fell in love with the city. When it was time to go she decided to hang around and I told her I was fine getting a bus back to the airport hotel we were staying at. The problem was that at the age of 18 I had never actually ridden a city bus before. I figured it would be as simple as walking to the opposite side of the street and getting a bus going the opposite direction. How was I to know, I was from Memphis, TN where you don’t ride a bus unless you have to… ever. Needless to say I did not get to my destination and I was forced to ask a police officer, like the orphan that I was, how to get to the airport. Embarrassment
*Scottsdale, AZ – One of the few memories I have of my father and I spending time together. I don’t begrudge him, he is my role model when it comes to providing for a family. He was always busy, but as a chief physician and a teacher at medical schools that shouldn’t be unexpected. It is to a kid though. Scottsdale was beautiful and my father was giving a talk at a place called the Phoenician, which was a Ritz. It was my first Ritz… I will remember forever the mother of pearl swimming pool there. Amazing
*San Antonio, TX – Basic training. Getting a post card 3 weeks in from my family on an Alaskan family reunion cruise. Miserable
*Cracker Barrel – This place is really white and even though I am with white parents I never belonged there. One of the few restaurants I have ever felt that way. I don’t go there anymore.
*The 3 – My two friends and I as kids were the 3 forwards on our soccer team and we kicked some 10 year old ass back in the day. Those fools never knew what hit them…
*The Year Off – My transition from junior high to High School was funny because the inner city schools in Memphis, TN have never had strong soccer teams. When my friends and I entered into the “system” many city soccer coaches took notice because there was literally a “team” of us in the same 2 grades. I remember as we were getting ready to enter High School that I met my future coach, a real pompous braggart that was one of those soccer coaches that dresses as if he is a player too… give it up. He would even try to show us techniques, which was amusing considering most of us played competitive soccer since the school soccer was really just amusing to us. That was the year I “took a year off from soccer” to play golf. The High School coach was not pleased, he wanted us all on his new “super team.” Tough shit Sherlock, I don’t regret it to this day asshole.
*Pre-AP English – “You won’t ever be a good writer. Many people aren’t great at writing, try something new.” So motivating…
*AP English – “Mom I got a 4 on the AP English exam! Can I go shove it in Mrs. ___ #@$%#@%@#$ face?”
*12th grade Art class – My first in school fight that I got caught for. In my defense… it was self-defense. Memorable line from the Principle “we punish all offenders equally here!” My mother “well that is the stupidest shit I have ever heard!” Love…
*2008 – You are released from service Airman. “OMG… OMG”
*The King and I – I was one of the Emperor’s children in a traveling Broadway production of The King and I in Memphis, TN. That was one of the greatest memories of my childhood.
*Boy Choir – I miss my voice. I was a soprano till I was 16 years old. I got made fun of, but I didn’t care. Now I sound like a mortician.
*HarsH ReaLiTy – “This online journal should be a fun and relaxing way of writing a diary…”
I often forget about artists and photographers when creating these sharing opportunities. I visit a lot of art blogs and enjoy the talent here on WordPress. Feel free and share your blog links below so others can also appreciate your work!
You will always have doubters. Family members, friends, complete strangers, sort of friends, bloggers, co-workers, and whoever else you decide to share your ideas with. Many will smile, many will frown, many will give you strange looks, and most are probably not even listening to you. No one should allow another person to change their course in life unless that change is wanted by you first. Doubters come in all forms and for all reasons. They aren’t always jealous, they sometimes just don’t understand, but in the end they should all receive the same answer.
“Thank you for your opinion now fuck off.”
The problem with humans is that we love to share our opinions even if we have no damn clue what we are talking about. Actually, especially if we have no clue what we are talking about. We love to share our “insight” and we don’t care if that action brings the other person down. Because why should it?
It does matter. People don’t always stop and think how detrimental their words can be. They slay ideas, gods, hopes, and dreams with a passing comment or offhand remark. And all the while they do this sometimes with the most innocent of intentions.
Here is what I practice and it is the same as what I preach. I read everything that comes to me or is directed at me. The comments saying I am a poor writer, a novice, I lack any type of style, I have no ethics, my blog is random and annoying, why do I follow everyone, power bloggers are just about money, he just wants to sell his eBook, he is so annoying, what a misogynist bastard, his views on adoption are so wrong, OM is racist, OM hates homosexuals, OM doesn’t read my blog, OM this and that and whatever else you can think of. I brush it off. There are too many bloggers, people, voices, and positive spirits in this world to focus on the negative ones for over a day. Sure, I will give them my attention for 24 hours, but after that I try and cut the festering wound off. Do the comments and remarks bother me? Yep, I am human, they do bother me sometimes. But what makes me smile is knowing that in ten years I will have completed my goals and dreams. Where will those doubters be? Still on WordPress writing their posts about how they are happy doing what they are doing… all the while not really being happy.
Facebook was considered a business model with zero chance of success. Critics did not think there was any way people would share that much personal information or care to network through that site in the format Mark had chosen. The guys that decided not to join in on Facebook when Zuckerburg started it are probably very unhappy now and their reasons at the time were most likely “I have been doing marketing for 20 years and there is no way this will work!” Do you all realize there are kids in college making websites and generating millions in online income this very second and day? Do people think that is fantasy or that only outliers can accomplish this? Those doubters lack any type of original thought and thus will always be sheep following the pack.
These are all easy things to say and hard concepts to “do.” Especially for one such as me that has a depressive nature. I try not to allow my true emotions to bleed over into my blog. Sure I will get annoyed (none of my “followers” have managed to make me angry yet) and my writing “style” (yes… I THINK I have a style regardless of what THEY say) is aggressive and pointed. It always has been. I can make a post-it note into a bullet, trust me. This is all to say that you can’t allow people and their opinions on what you are doing to alter your course. Especially if they say “you are doing it the wrong way.” Thinking outside the box will always generate scorn and condemnation. I think this is amusing because honestly there are very few “out of the box” thoughts when it comes to blogging. What I am doing here isn’t new, it isn’t savvy or brilliant, but instead it is simply hard work. Maybe the doubters are just lazy and are in fact people that could never do what you are doing. Consider that before changing your plans because of the “words and opinions” of some random fool or even someone you know and trust.
“I really enjoyed your article! I wrote a “somewhat” similar post which you can find at http://ThisPostHasNothingAtAllToDoWithYours.com. Thanks again for blogging almost as good as me.”
Basically this is link dropping. The person hasn’t really read your post, perhaps the first sentence only. They just want to try and steal a little of your limelight while your post is currently at the top of other people’s Readers.
Any commenter that begins their comment with the word “yet” is about to say some complete horse shit. It might smell good, but it will still be horse shit. Yet they will still say it because they must.
“God said ____”
The Jesus freaks will flay you with these sentences and they follow the scent of blood. Much like any other predator. Be wary of the sentence that begins with “God said ____” because it will normally be followed by a direct quote from the bible… that you could have read by just reading the bible…
“Your SEO is off in a few areas.”
Any SEO marketer that starts the conversation with these words isn’t worth a dime. Don’t pay these people money for worthless lessons on traffic management through blogging and online media. Stop fueling this insane industry people! I share for free my views on blogging HERE. Feel free to read them for no money asked.
“I had a friend once who ___”
The commenter found your post likeable and is about to search desperately for some way to further connect with your words by creating an unrelatable relation to your story. These are always long drawn out back and forth commenting joust sessions that general end with awkward “good byes.”
“Hi I am (insert nationality here) too! Nice to meet you, let’s be BBFFL!” (That is Best Blogging Friends For Life in case you didn’t know)
I generally tell these people to pump the brakes and don’t touch me. People really need to find online cultural dating sites…
“I am glad you are excited about your follower count BUT write for you! Don’t take away from your writing by caring about silly numbers!”
This is said by bloggers that have nothing better to do than to find other bloggers happy about their accomplishments and attempting to bring them down. They don’t see value in their own stats so they don’t want you to either. These bloggers are sad because they claim to care only about writing and yet spend their time commenting on the very articles they claim to not care about.
1. Because you haven’t written anything interesting. You have to catch my eye just like any other reader, any new reader, or even any subscriber you currently have. Don’t blame the readers, look to yourselves bloggers.
2. You don’t post often enough for me to even notice you post at all.
3. I left a comment on your blog and you never responded. If I miss a comment on my blog, which does happen sometimes unintentionally, then I don’t expect those people to return either.
4. You keep changing your gravatar and I don’t recognize you anymore. Believe it or not people the gravatar image is almost as recognizable as your blog address. Don’t change it unless you have to and if you must change it do it once. Not fifty million times.
5. You said you hate my blog and I got my feelings hurt and cried a little bit.
6. You post photos of rabbits, squirrels, clowns, spiders, or anyone from the Patriots.
7. You didn’t link your blog to your username OR I get a 404 error. Getting 404 errors is about as annoying as getting kicked in the nuts. I won’t try twice normally.
8. You post on one topic and I find it boring. Now if you were to start talking about Peyton Manning or Starcraft you might just win a fan.
9. Every post you write is about your book. Every post. Every single post. All the posts on your blog… There are ways to promote without being annoying or killing your blog.
10. This last one is a little more serious. I absolutely hate when a writer assumes that their reader has read every post on their blog. Assume we are new to your website and please walk us through your thoughts. If the post reads like hanging cliff after hanging cliff, with presented link as historical reference, I won’t follow or keep reading. It is just annoying as hell.
1. “I hope you don’t get offended by this but…” You are about to say something that is going to make me want to punch you in the face right? I never understood why people feel the need to say this. It must be due to a weak backbone because they normally follow this phrase with something highly offensive. “I hope you don’t get offended by this but… have you gained weight?” Why yes I have and thank you! I am not offended at all!
2. “When I was young.” I seriously think you have to be holding a cane to say this. I actually had a boss once say this to me and when I asked him his age he was younger than I was. Dude… shut your mouth, when you were young indeed.
3. “I’m the type of guy/girl that…” Why don’t you just show me instead of telling me? Honestly if you need to tell people “the type of person you are” you must not be living the real you or they would ALREADY KNOW. And if you are telling this to a new acquaintance just know it is annoying as shit unless you are famous and even if you are famous you better be Anthony Bourdain interesting. Half the time the people actually will do that thing anyways…
4. “How’s it going?” I don’t know why people say “how’s it going” when you pass them in the hall at work. I feel like a jerk if I don’t say a “same shit different day” phrase or something more than “hey!” Maybe I am just anti-social.
5. “You wouldn’t understand.” Is it because I am Korean? I am stupid? I am male? I am tall? I am skinny? I am looking in the wrong direction? God didn’t love me? Why? Why???
6. “I am really good at Starcraft.” LIES! YOU AREN’T KOREAN! I am offended.
7. “I am so tired. I never get any sleep.” Unless you have kids, work two to three jobs to make ends meet, or are in Law/Medical/Architecture school you don’t know tired. Even if you never have kids I still think this is a stupid statement, ask a parent with a couple children how tired they are pumpkin.
8. “Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the NFL.” I hate you.
9. “I am sooo offensive!” You see I never claim to be offensive and in fact I think the whole world should love me. People that say this statement are generally as mild as the yellow packet of sauce from Taco Bell.
10. “America thinks they need to police the world and stick their nose in everyone’s business.” Yea, but you guys sure love to ask us for loans right? How are my tax dollars working out for you? I wonder if our Presidents get slapped in the face before or after we hand out these checks. When is it going to end America? Let the world kill itself.
Burning rain floats, it does not fall.
Gently gliding, it brings no pain at all.
Chasing dreams with a net.
We slip, we fall, “Get up you shit.”
Driving ourselves because no one else will.
Walking like zombies, is this world real?
And yet we know that it is each day.
As the burning rain floats along the sun ray.
Peeling daisies, I have peeled them all.
From the small to the tall.
Until I happened upon a rose.
Able to stand toe to toe.
Finally an equal I had truly found.
For were there not two crowns?
Why do all the work yourself?
If you can have someone else to tell.
I am the last person that should preach on self-doubt. I have enough of it to share with the world and then some. Perhaps that is why I should speak on self-doubt because of my own experiences with it. I have finished very few things of meaning in my life. Some of that is due to motivation and attention disorders, but mainly I chalk it up to the fact that I haven’t really involved myself in anything worthy of note. I have experiences as does anyone, but that isn’t necessarily what I am speaking of. How many of you are currently working on something that you will consider an “accomplishment” upon completion?
I don’t struggle with writer’s block, but I do have the same battle as many writers in deciding what to work on. Sometimes I don’t even know what I will type until I press the first key and that to me is the beauty of writing on a blog. The freedom. It is also why I have struggled with just the idea of writing a book. The consistency of hashing out the same topic is really boring to me to be honest. I find even the tedious nature of book writing to be frustrating, annoying, and often times boring. It is not frustrating because I struggle with writing (although it could be debated upon whether I write well or not) because I write every day. I probably type 10,000 words a day just in posts, comments, emails, work emails, personal emails, work projects, coding, and everything else you can think of that I can use as an excuse to hear the tap, tap, tap I so love to listen to. It beats hearing the sound of a human voice on any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
As I pen each word of my current project I have felt great, until yesterday. I ran out of meds and because of that I stopped writing. That is going to be an issue. Without “trees” I can’t see a word three dimensionally. It stays in a boring two dimensional state and no amount of mental concentration will make that fucking word turn. Turn dammit. I refilled today so I will be good for a few days. I will try to press on and take my time with it all.
Sometimes I sit on my ledge of solitude and I observe the chaos that is the world below. Above the atmosphere of stress and human concern I am able to breath. Gone is the demand of response, gone is the doubt of a loving wife, gone is the self-doubt of writing a book, gone is the constant chatter that I love and yet need to separate from, it is all gone up here. Up here there are only words and they are fucking turning.
Midnight tears trickle down a cheek of discontent. They fall like rubies to the ground, colored by different shades of intoxication. Misplaced treasures gather at my feet, forgotten emotions that are only missed when the inevitable waves of time wash away all traces of their existence. I watch as my past glitters and struggles in the water as they join the silent cries of those around me. Comforting though it is to know that my struggle is shared, still I take no solace from a stranger’s presence. For only I can understand the meaning of each teardrop and the loss I feel as they splash in the night.
Note: Holy shit… I did it. I wrote this without meds… It definitely sounds different, but it is still me. Interesting…
Someone said you were bad, not worth keeping around. Your single flower droops, letting me know that you heard their unkind words. They were jealous, do not mind them, they tried to grow a cactus and thought there would be flowers. They are ashamed that something that is free, such as yourself, could possibly outshine a forty dollar rose. And yet your beauty comes from your very nature, a nature not bound by the rules of others. Those snobbish spring flowers in their cushioned holders at the garden store, so weak compared to those like you that brave nature’s wrath. Where is the appreciation though? Where are the fences and the fertilizer for you, you that have struggled since birth? Like the young lion cub, you have ventured into the world without help or fear. Your only banner is the single, multicolored flower that stands proudly for all to see. Hold your banner up with pride for whether free or expensive, bright or dull, inside or outside, your flower is your pride. Let no one take that from you.