Women are Crazy (The way to lose your female readers)


This is not a relationship blog, but occasionally I will write about and share some revolutionary facts that I discover in my life. Here is one fact that I would love to write about (but not discuss) women are crazy. I would go so far as to say “most” women are crazy and the funny part is they make sense to each other. That really is the kicker, because women can understand the craziness in one another, they then do not consider themselves crazy. Impeccable logic to be sure, it is hard to debate evidence so sound.

Women pick arguments on purpose. The only time men pick arguments on purpose is if we do not like someone, we are drunk, there is a Raider’s fan in the room, or we decide to act macho in front of our woman. Men do not often argue just to argue, do you know why ladies? We are lazy and it is hard to watch Sportscenter AND drink a beer while you argue. Ok, so why is women arguing so crazy? Because of the reason they do it, women argue and pick fights with men “to test their relationship.” That is the whole “if the rubber band breaks” concept that women are working on. They obviously haven’t heard of the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” concept that men love.

Women ask questions that they know the answers to. Guys, they still expect an answer. And God help you if the answer is not politically and socially correct. You may want to bring a cue card with a few facts and pointers to back up your answer, though those facts will help very little if your answer is different from hers. These actions by women can also be tests; you know those random pop quizzes we hated in school, well now we get them in marriage and long term relationships. Your girlfriend or wife has just become the teacher from hell.

Women really don’t care about your opinion most the time. You know “they” say that a good conversation is good dialogue between the two participants. Whoever “they” were, “they” were obviously not talking to a woman. A woman does not want your input on a topic she has already decided upon. You are allowed a couple head nods, a few confirmation noises (to let her know you are still listening), and a really big “you are absolutely right honey” near the end. That is all that is required, or better yet necessary, to successfully navigate through a conversation with a woman. One last thing, if you even dare to talk about a subject she knows nothing about just give up, women quickly grow bored with topics that don’t interest them. Notice the way she “sighs” and glances around the room every five minutes, those are your hints.

Give up trying to keep up with your wife or girlfriend’s social drama, whether at work or with her friends. Never side with Becky, her hated arch-rival, unless Becky is going to let you sleep on her couch. Do not dare and sympathize with Helga, her dictator of a boss, or your soup might taste a bit off tonight. If your wife is on Facebook just be prepared for monthly breakdowns and breakups. I think women came up with the term “BFF” so they could have one more thing to break up with in this world. Women are crazy.

-Opinionated Man

Manurisms Women Should Know! Pt. 1


… and my translations. –OM

 

“Yea Sure, that sounds good maybe.” This basically means we weren’t really listening, but we might have caught the last two words and it definitely sounds like an “ok” possibility. Why would you ask me a question with more than three sentences on gameday?

 

“It is in that place!” Come on ladies… we all have a “place” we put things. Is it the counter? The dresser? Where is it, but it IS somewhere. But nooooo you have to act like we haven’t lived together for the past how long?

 

“Yea… I mean it tasted interesting!” That Shit Was Disgusting!

 

“Baby OF COURSE you look ok.” I can’t tell if there is something here I am supposed to see. I should have checked the credit card history to see if she went to the hair salon or got a new outfit. Oh well… safe answer time!

 

“Just order me whatever” Why did we come to this place? Where are we…

 

“Do you think this pet (or insert “another pet here”) is a good idea???” I already take care of our other “dog” who I don’t really consider a dog because it fits in your purse. Why doesn’t it walk again?

 

“Damn, I said I would take care of it!” = “Damn, I knew I forgot to do something yesterday.”

 

“Seriously I will watch anything other than this. ANYTHING!” = “Seriously I will watch anything other than this. ANYTHING!”

Dear Males – Be Proud of Who You Are!


It is a little unfair that males have to suffer the scrutiny and scorn of women when many of us don’t deserve it. I of course am not referring to myself, I am generally an asshole and probably deserve every single insult directed my way.

Men and boys alike heed me! Take pride in yourself! Take pride in your manhood! Don’t let women trod all over our rights and self-image, just because they feel oppressed by men in the past. Are we the past men? Are we the enemy women? No, the enemies you combat are either privileged, dead, or OVER THERE. They aren’t standing here with your husbands and boyfriends that respect women. So why do we feel the need to turn our backs on respecting ourselves males?

Don’t allow the clubs of feminist and women to cause you to second guess your worth. Men are an amazing gender and we do a lot in this world women cannot and will not do. We don’t need to be ashamed to trumpet what we consider our own value simply because society wants to tell us the “norm” is now a humble, quiet gentleman. SCREW THAT! Let us be loud and proud men as “they” are over there.

Where is our pride men? Do we lay it down simply because society tells us it is “uncool to be a confident male anymore?” That it is no longer politically correct to say you are proud to be a man? I scream TO HELL WITH THAT. Be proud of the gift that was given to you, a gift many women probably wish they had. Be strong men and unite behind the banner of a common cause. If we allow ourselves to be labeled and boxed, we will be packaged and obsolete before we know it. Instead let us show a singularity that even feminist might be jealous of.

Male Power.

-Opinionated Man

Part 2 My Feminist Vow – By: Opinionated Man


Part 1 can be found here – http://aopinionatedman.com/2014/03/10/my-feminist-vow-by-opinionated-man/

I vow to never place Mrs. in front of my name. Instead I will hold strong and place “single” (forever…) there instead!

I vow to not do the dishes and clean the kitchen anymore… even though I currently don’t do those things. It is the principle of rejecting them though right?

I vow to aggressively attack other women that are not as feminine as me. If you aren’t with us you are against us!

I vow to keep track of every female celebrity to ensure they are holding up “the banner.” You girls better be waving that thing with pride or else you are obviously a black mark on womanhood. Drop your own agendas, career goals, and instead join the feminist bandwagon! We are accepting members against their will.

I vow to never allow a man to save me in a dangerous situation. If that means I have to wrestle an alligator, well equality has its price! I need some new alligator skin heels anyways… maybe a matching purse?

I vow that when I reach Heaven I will ask God why in the world he created Adam first. Bad move!

I vow to become a geneticist so that we can eventually remove the need for penises. They are evil, ugly, and they move by themselves sometimes!

-Opinionated Man

Random Relationship Advice


True to my word I will continue to provide much needed advice to the world in regards to women, relationships, and women. I put women twice on purpose because I am such an expert. Here are some random pieces of advice for those that care to improve their current social connections.

I place every friend on a “gift scale.” The size of the gift, or if a gift is even a real present, is based on the value of the friend. The easiest method is the “birthday gift test” which places a friendship value on each person. Are they worth a gift? Maybe a phone call instead???

Never make eye contact with your friend’s girlfriend. Women are always attracted to “the friend” for some odd reason. The last thing you want is some Shakespearian tragedy over a woman because in case you missed it most of the men die in those stories!

If you are ever sleeping upstairs with your girlfriend and you hear a loud BANG downstairs… send her to investigate. It was probably the cat you don’t own… Everyone should have an equal opportunity to be a hero right?

Serious Advice

Have you ever been stuck wondering if a girl likes you? Hit on her friend and see if her facial expression changes. Women have really bad poker faces.

It is often difficult to know who should pay on a first date. Do we go Dutch or do I pay for the first meal? I have come up with a way to solve this! To ensure that it is very clear the date is “Dutch” eat exactly half your food and drink half of your drink only! You might even want to draw a line on your plate. Sure this might seem like a waste of food, but isn’t it worth a little waste to set some nice boundary lines? Sometimes I spell D-U-T-C-H with my peas.

Never visit your girlfriend’s parents house the first time she asks you to. It is a trap! Instead, I like to show up unexpectedly to allow myself more freedom. Of course it does suck when you “unexpectedly” walk in on your girlfriend with her “other” boyfriend…

Breaking up is hard. I suggest paying a singing telegram to deliver the message. Who could possibly be mad at that??? Be sure and let him know she will tip.

-Opinionated Man

My Opinion on Fashion – Part 1


Why not right? I have already been called a dumbass and an asshole this week, so I might as well have some fashion bloggers tell me how stupid I am to top it off! Here is my take on current fashion.

I am not fashionable. I was once… when bouncers were letting me skip everyone in line. It doesn’t take much, just move to Knoxville and be the only Asian guy that cares to befriend bouncers. They will remember you (there aren’t a lot of Asians in Knoxville if you didn’t know).

When I was into style and my clothes, back before the shackles of marriage, I would normally wear either Polo, Structure (before they changed their name), and Banana Republic. I am sure you can now label me pretty easily.

I take my family to the mall a lot. The girls like to walk around, I people watch, and my wife will do some shopping. I will normally play that game where you try to avoid any and all human contact… all the while also trying to appear “normal.” I get to observe a lot of fashion trends because of this and of course I have an opinion.

My wife has tried to explain how the whole “certain colors for certain seasons” works. I think I get it. Women wear colors that complement the season as some sort of “ninja vanish” trick so they can get close enough to stab you. At least I think that is what is going on. Also I learned shoes have to match. Just because the shoes are “dirty” doesn’t classify them as brown.

There are many trends I don’t understand. Why do “younger mothers” wear the same clothes as their older daughters? Is there some type of discount at gap if you get the same outfit in two sizes? I think it is awkward if you can’t tell a mother apart from her daughter… but I guess some people think that is “hot?” If you aren’t near the age of Forever 21, should you be shopping there? It does say “forever” though doesn’t it?

Why do women buy clothes just to hang them in their closet? I wonder how many women here have clothes with price tags STILL on them. I do not get this at all. Please, someone explain it to me! Also… women you realize that malls always have a “sale” going on right? Husbands are you still falling for this trick? “Honey there is a SALE going on!!!” I worked retail… there is always a sale. We kind of just moved those stickers around…

Maybe this is a Colorado thing, but I seem to only see two outfits on males here. A Broncos jersey (GO PEYTON!) or this new “BMX Biker” look. I suppose this isn’t really a “new look,” but it is to me! Everywhere I glance there are “X Gamers” walking around and I am half tempted to start asking for autographs.

Asians that wear “really” Asian clothing in public. Just stop! Please!!!

I am from the South and the topic of choice for the longest time was sagging jeans. I personally like my comfort and my jeans are definitely not up to my neck… but if I can see your ass then that is just wrong. Pull that shit up. You aren’t running from any dogs, cops, or women with knives with your jeans like that you know.

At a certain point “parents” have to retire those college T-shirts we love soooo much. I enjoy seeing a father and a mother walking in the mall with their kids, until I see that their shirts say “I’m with Stupid” and “Freshman Forever!!!” At some point people have to grow up…

I really hate the mall because of those kiosks that now rule the “center aisle.” Those people that man those stations are bulldogs. I almost had an Italian woman chase me down with lotion that I needed to “fix my face.” OUCH! Lmao…

-OM